jstar

Ahhhhh...my therapist just suggested i go to in-patient rehab...ugh.

I know deep down she is probably right as everytime I drink it gets worse what happens, how I behave and I know it's completely self-destructive what I do to myself every time I pick up a drink, it's the incomprehensible demoralization that the BB talks about. She said she feels like my situation is "critical" from everything i've shared with her (I haven't even shared everything)....so I must just be in complete denial as I just justify it or explain it away as "not that big of a deal".

Thing is even though I know she is right...I am married, I have 4 kids (13, 12, 8 & 4), I am the sole owner of my business and I am the only person, I have no staff or an assistant. I have no one that could replace me for a month. I could lose many clients & then where would I be? My job is definitely a big concern.

I don't know what to do. Fortunately I don't have to decide right now. I have 7 days sober today & wow this is all alot to take in. I never saw myself as being so out of control, at least I didn't want to believe I was.

2granddaughters

Keep drinking and you'll loose your business anyway

Good luck in rehab. It got me on the right path in 89.

All the best.

Bob R

aasharon90

Wow, what an awesome opportunity you have
been given to begin your recovery journey. For
me, my family pulled an intervention on me 21yrs.
ago when i hit my bottom taking a bunch of pain pills
and my little ones couldnt wake me up the next
morning.

The flags were flying high that day when family
didnt know what to do with me since I faught tooth
and nail to not be taken to get my stomach pumped.
By the time that happened, i had thrown up everything
I had in my system and felt I was fine.

Anyway, authorities were called to pick me up and
taken to the hospital for find out what my problem
was. So the first night I spent in the crazy ward scared
to death and watch many shuffling across the floor
and hugging the wall. For sure I knew i wasnt that
far gone. Then the next day I passed all evaluations
and the verdict was....I had a drinking problem.

From there I began my 28 day inpatiant rehab with
a 6 week outpatiant to follow. That was 21 yrs ago
as I inch towards my 22 sobriety anniversary next
month on August 11th.

My experience with rehab set me on my recovery
path and journey using the tools and knowledge
of my alcoholism to learn to live a day at a time
without drinking.

Today some many one days at a time sober later,
I am grateful for my rehab stay and for my family
saving my life. For you, you are given this glorious
opportunity to learn about your alcoholism and ways
to stay stopped from drinking learning to live happy,
healthy, honest in your life for years to come.

I wish you all the best in your new life in recovery.

Dee74

Keep thinking about it jstar - if you decide rehabs not for you mebbe have an alternative plan/strategy ready to show your therapist?

D

DisplacedGRITS

Check and see if there is a Partial Hospitalization option. That's what i did. You'll go every day like you're going to school. Saturday and Sunday as well. I'm not sure if you can run your business in off hours or anything like that but maybe that's an option. There's also Intensive Outpatient Treatment or IOP. From my experience, it's usually 3 or 4 hours a day 3 days a week. Not sure if you've done that before. Talk to your therapist. If she still syas in-patient remember, it's your life in the balance.

jstar

I have tried IOP twice & it just frustrated me because I had to go for like 4 hrs a day, 4 days a week and the program was mixed with alcohol, drug problems but also mental problems like PTSD & other unrelated diagnosis' to my problem which didn't help me at all during group. I quit after a week. 2nd place was scary & shady ...I only went once & never went back.

jstar

I've thought about that Bob, could happen.

I've been also going to AA twice a day so I can stay out of my own head. She said that was awesome but also said she thought that just going to AA & therapy wasn't going to be enough for me in my current situation/state of mind. Man I feel down right now

SDSurfn

Greetings from a fellow San Diegan.


I agree that if you keep drinking, you'll lose the business anyway, eventually.

Alcoholism is progressive, only goes in one direction (just like the arrow of time).

Please find a way to treat the alcoholism. Doesn't matter which program, find something that works for you.

I think I've finally found my answer with the program, support, and fellowship of AA.


All the best,

SD

DisplacedGRITS

i wasn't a fan of IOP either. the rehab facility i've been to was mixed drug and alcohol. i think most are. my partial hospitalization was just like in-patient except i went home at night with my husband. it was exactly like school. he dropped me off on his way to work and picked me up when he was done. i had all the same classes as the in-patient residents minus a very few activities like meetings at night. unfortunately, i relapsed both times. the first time i had a couple of months of sobriety, the second i started relapsing while in IOP. i got sober later when i started going to AA daily. rehab isn't a magic bullet but it is very helpful and educational. i was sober in rehab and i really loved it. i still go and visit my therapists. i'm actually thinking about dropping in on them tomorrow. they're so surprised to see me now. i look like i work there, lol!

are you going to AA? if so, how often? if not, are you willing to give it a shot before rehab? are you willing to try the 90 in 90? i tried to make it. i made a month and a half but that got me going and i've been on the right road ever since. that's just my personal experience. i still believe that if you need to go to in-patient, you go do it. your life is so worth it. it really, really is. believe it.

just saw your update. give yourself some time to think but listen to your therapist. you may even get in touch with a psych while in rehab. there's a lot that goes on there. it's not just about getting off alcohol. it's a whole body/mind thing.

Anna

Jstar, I'm glad you have 7 days sober. That's great! I hope you make the right decision about rehab. Please know that you can always find support here, too.

jstar

DG ....I've actually, believe it or not, have been going to 1-2 AA meetings a day since mid march with only missing a few days. Since last Thursday i've been at a morning and evening meeting every day plus I see my therapist once a week.

I guess i'm just at a crossroad...

pinkdog

Choose sobriety. It's the best.

MemphisBlues

I think it's really impressive that you are hitting two AA meetings a day. If you are seven days sober and not having significant physical withdrawal symptoms, I'm not sure why the doctor insists of inpatient treatment. Granted, it is a sure-fire way to keep from drinking while you are there, but AA is free, offers a solution to alcoholism, and you are also seeing a therapist.

Personally, I would jump at a chance to enter a quality rehab, but with no one to step into your shoes with the kids and business, I understand how frustrating it can be.

Congrats on 7 days. Powerful stuff.

imaquitter

If you can make it 7 days then I'd bet that you can quit. Just don't let it be an option. Rehab isn't some form of miracle and most still go back to drinking after leaving rehab as well. You've already done the hardest part by yourself anyway, no reason to give them credit for your success.

SSIL75

Where are you with acceptance of your alcoholism? I feel like just recently you still weren't convinced you were an alcoholic.

jstar

It's honestly a struggle. One day i'm completely given it over & am totally committed, then one day i'm doubtful & just pass it over like it's not that big a deal. I started going to AA back about 2 years ago, felt it wasn't for me & left for a while. Went on & off from then until March of this year. Had a decent run in march...10 days sober, then about 45 days sober (longest i've ever been sober ever with the exception of being pregnant 4 times. After lost the 45 days, its been spotty. A few days sober inbetween a few blackouts. I can definitly see it getting worse but still at times I don't think its that bad. My last night I drank and blacked out (yet again for hours) is what has motivated the 8 days i'm at today. I was out with 2 of my best friends (one is my sis-in-law) and the details of the night that they filled me in on, were horrible (incomprehansible demoralizeation ) and my sister in law isn't speaking to me. What's worse is I don't know what I did that she wont talk to me. My other friend told me that her & I talked for a half hour while playing one of those claw games that retrieves stuffed animals, I remember nothing. Then the evening went south & I wont go into the rest of the details. Stupid things like this just keep happening & I'm afraid I will do something stupid (if I haven't already that I dont remember) that could compromise everything in my life. I'm just scared and I don't understand why all this is happening. I just want my life tog o back to "normal" whateve that means.

SSIL75

Right. When I got sober I had to accept that I had no clue what my normal life was. That's why my avatar is an alien. 37 years old and never.. not one day in my life had I lived a normal day. Yes I'd been sober during pregnancy. But I'm sure you can relate to how that was. Bitching and moaning and counting down 9 months to 'freedom'.

Anyway. It took me a VERY long time to accept it. I was in my late teens when someone suggested I had a drinking problem. 32 when I joined SR. 35 when I quit.

I drink because I'm depressed! Because I am stressed! Because I have ADD! Because I'm Irish! Because my father is an alcoholic and it's what I learned!

Are you familiar with the medical adage - "When you hear the sound of hooves... think horses and not zebras"? (ie - consider the obvious, first). It took me a long ass time to accept that my constant, obsessive drinking was not some House-esque mystery. But the very obvious thing. I'm a garden variety alcoholic.

I used to fancy myself as being quite mysterious and unusual. Now, not so much :rotfxko

jstar

I am so f'n drunk. I don't think I can do this

MemphisBlues

Jstar...It's an insidious malady, this alcoholism thing. do you have any one you can call?

MemphisBlues

Jstar...If you're drinking now, maybe it's time to think about inpatient? If you are any kind of a drunk like me, it's going to take a drastic change to stop drinking.