iamtoru

I've been to one (sometimes two) meetings a day since I started going to AA meetings. I'm having a really really hard time getting to know women because I have major trust issues (was abused quite badly by my mother and sister). I've had a few men come up to me for a chat and that's great, but I really want to befriend women. I went to a women's group and it was great, but those groups only meet once a week. I'm working on my trust issues with a therapist and am trying to get to as many step study, big book, and beginner meetings as possible. Anyone have any other suggestions on ways to cope and stay motivated and focused? I love the program, just have a really hard time talking to women unless they come up to me first (and even then I'm still quite shy). I would volunteer for service positions but I only have 25 days Any advice on how to cope and stay motivated/focused would be much appreciated! Hope this post made some sense lol

Threshold

Try calling some women and asking how THEIR day went. It's a good way to develop friendships and communication skills without putting your "stuff" out there sooner than you feel ready to.

Making the first move may help you feel less intimidated or invaded than you might otherwise. Practice and experience were the key for me. I had the same experience, abuse from Mom and Sister, and learning to befriend women was a skill I had to learn in adulthood.

I also had to learn to relate to men beyond sexually.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I know that I had serious issues with women when I first came to AA...I think that you will find that a lot of us women do..

Have you thought about raising your hand at meetings, stating you are new and would like some phone numbers from women? And if you get some, try and call someone just for a chat.

In my area at the start of most of the meetings I go to, the chair asks if anyone is new, and if there is, us woman fill up a meeting schedule with our numbers, and then the newcomer gets flooded with women introducing themselves after the meeting..

25 days is awesome! Good for you!

DisplacedGRITS

This thread is quite relevant to my interests, lol. Thanks for starting it, iamtoru!

ACT10Npack

Go see a therapist who specificity in abused. Professorial help is something you should look into.

jennikate

Even though I am also too new (48 days) to take on a formal service committment, I always come early and stay late. I help put up the chairs, put out the books, help with cleanup, etc. I've found most of the women (and men) really friendly. I am not yet at the point where I could call a stranger and chat. I am honestly just too chicken.

BadCompany

I had this problem too. It wasn't just being able to trust, but a matter of knowing who to trust that I was unequiped for. It took action. it took pain. I often made a fool out of myself. I had to understand when people let me down, on whatever level, that it was rarely about me but was almost always about their own limitations, and I had to not take it personally when they hurt me. Finding and trusting a sponsor is a start. I picked some bad ones at first, but I learned from my failures and got through to some great people.

FlyerFan

Keep doing what you're doing. Go to the womens meetings every week. That is how I started out, I was excatly like you. I hated women, I thought they were all rude and selfish and snobby. It turns out that they're not. I just kept going and I took baby steps. Say hello to them when you walk in, or make small talk. Ask a woman how she is, or how her day is going, before you know it you'll be chatting away about shopping or food or something else. :-D