The Emotional Guidance Scale
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
The Emotional Guidance Scale
I love this graphic, the Emotional Guidance Scale. It really informs us of how we end up where we end up. And as Jon Kabat-Zinn says, Wherever You Go, There You Are. The graphic shows you how we, as humans, spiral down emotionally, and also how we move up, based on our human states and how we react to what is happening around us. So, for instance, I can see clearly on the Downward side what happened in my last relationship with A&AXBF: Starting at the top, I began to get bored (#8) mainly because he became so obsessed and involved with everything other than us, our relationship. Then, I became pessimistic, irritated and impatient (#9 and 10). You can follow the rest of the downward spiral down to #22, though you can probably skip the hatred part. How about you? Can you see yourself and your relationship or past relationship with an alcoholic or addict here?
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I see I need to work on #7, Contentment. I need to get my house and home in order. I need to get all the rest of his stuff out of my living space. I'm going to paint the entire interior of the house and do some re-decorating. I may even buy new dishes! I need to re-implement all of my old routines and rituals I had firmly in place before he invaded my home. I need to make time for me and my relationship with my Higher Power. I need to continue connecting with other like-minded, healthy, forward-moving people. I need to build healthy boundaries so that I can keep OUT those who live destructive, toxic lives. I need to keep my eyes open and protect my heart so that I can recognize people who are bad for me, before letting them through the gate.
Thanks for listening. I hope you all find peace today.
Thanks for listening. I hope you all find peace today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Thanks for posting this, L2L.
I've gone from a 10 1/2 to a 5 in a very short time.
By facing those monsters (emotions) that have been breaking out of the box in the back of the closet instead of pushing them back in and duct taping the living sh!t out of the box.
I've gone from a 10 1/2 to a 5 in a very short time.
By facing those monsters (emotions) that have been breaking out of the box in the back of the closet instead of pushing them back in and duct taping the living sh!t out of the box.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
Thanks so much! I think I lived the last year in worry and doubt (14/13). I'm between disappointment and overwhelment now (12/11).
So now I will be more mindful as I ride out the next few hurdles.
I really can't wait to be bored (8)!
So now I will be more mindful as I ride out the next few hurdles.
I really can't wait to be bored (8)!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I think both spirals are a legitimate part of being human.
I shy away from people who do not accept that anger, pessimism, depression, doubt, fear, jealousy, and all the other "dark" emotions are to be avoided and are unacceptable. Those emotions are as natural as contentment, enlightenment, and so-called ecstasy.
Everyone has a dark side. Everyone has dark emotions and thoughts. Anyone who strives to live only the "all-light" spiral without embracing the part of oneself that is the"dark" spiral is someone I would avoid. That person is splitting off a major part of his full humanity.
I see this in New Age cults. People posing as all-loving, highly evolved creatures who have moved past their so-called base emotions. They are spiritually inflated, narcissistic, and without a doubt, untrustworthy. I would never approach such people for guidance or solace. They would answer in platitudes. They would not sit with me in reality.
When people bury their dark side--the shadow part of themselves, the part of themselves capable of envy, revenge, rage, greed, lust--then it leaks out in other ways. Or explodes like a bomb one day.
Here at SR people often post about the addict who does or says the most awful things. They ask, "How can he do this?"
He can do it because his inhibitions have been dissolved, and his shadow emerges.
We think we would never do what he does, say what he says.
But we just control our shadow better. That's all. We are as capable of the dark behaviors as anyone. We are both light and dark. If we think we can control our lives so that the spiral on the right will be left in the dust, we will be disappointed.
Addicts have reached for substances in an attempt to avoid the spiral on the right. But that spiral will always be a part of our human experience and there will be times throughout our lives when it is most dominant. To try to live only the "joy" spiral is to try to escape the hard realities, just as addicts do, and feel great all the time.
Life is hard. There is pain. Neither spiral is better than the other. They are both equal, in the human experience.
My work with a Jungian therapist is showing.
I shy away from people who do not accept that anger, pessimism, depression, doubt, fear, jealousy, and all the other "dark" emotions are to be avoided and are unacceptable. Those emotions are as natural as contentment, enlightenment, and so-called ecstasy.
Everyone has a dark side. Everyone has dark emotions and thoughts. Anyone who strives to live only the "all-light" spiral without embracing the part of oneself that is the"dark" spiral is someone I would avoid. That person is splitting off a major part of his full humanity.
I see this in New Age cults. People posing as all-loving, highly evolved creatures who have moved past their so-called base emotions. They are spiritually inflated, narcissistic, and without a doubt, untrustworthy. I would never approach such people for guidance or solace. They would answer in platitudes. They would not sit with me in reality.
When people bury their dark side--the shadow part of themselves, the part of themselves capable of envy, revenge, rage, greed, lust--then it leaks out in other ways. Or explodes like a bomb one day.
Here at SR people often post about the addict who does or says the most awful things. They ask, "How can he do this?"
He can do it because his inhibitions have been dissolved, and his shadow emerges.
We think we would never do what he does, say what he says.
But we just control our shadow better. That's all. We are as capable of the dark behaviors as anyone. We are both light and dark. If we think we can control our lives so that the spiral on the right will be left in the dust, we will be disappointed.
Addicts have reached for substances in an attempt to avoid the spiral on the right. But that spiral will always be a part of our human experience and there will be times throughout our lives when it is most dominant. To try to live only the "joy" spiral is to try to escape the hard realities, just as addicts do, and feel great all the time.
Life is hard. There is pain. Neither spiral is better than the other. They are both equal, in the human experience.
My work with a Jungian therapist is showing.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I think the model with all of its stages is great for people like me who have difficulty with recognizing and managing emotions. I think it's also good for people who are in recovery from substances and/or alcohol, and people who are ACOA, because we often are so out of touch with our emotions and feelings we can't even identify them.
I'm going to look for a poster of this.
I'm going to look for a poster of this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
I take the jelousy and revenge comment back, as I responded too quickly. I've absolutely without a doubt experienced both of those. I'm not proud and I'm working on resolving these feelings. Im listening to the Joe and Charlie book study audio; one of their suggestions to get over resentment was to pray for someone everday for weeks. Eventually the negative feelings go away. I'd like to try this, when I'm ready of course.
I've definitely experienced jealousy of those around my AH that get to see his good side, while I got to experience all the anger, blame, and manipulation.
As for revenge: He left me for alcohol, plain and simple. I want to see him arrested for drunk driving.
I've definitely experienced jealousy of those around my AH that get to see his good side, while I got to experience all the anger, blame, and manipulation.
As for revenge: He left me for alcohol, plain and simple. I want to see him arrested for drunk driving.
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