bunkie65

Telling my ex recently reunited and things are ok I guess, that his consistent communication with random bouts of communication breakdown is not cool with me. He wants or so he has said... to reestablish trust and boundries between us which is great and im all for it expect when he communicates consistantly then a night comes when I know he has money and he says I will call you and does not or wont answer my call or text. I don't like it and I told him so. Ithink that is perfectly okay to say what I like and don't like... its not controlling is it? I live in my home and he stays here alot with me but has his own place and over the last 3 months we have gradually spent more and more time together to daily. Things are good actually and I have been trying to live and let live and detaching with love. I just think I have expectations and unrealistic ones at that. I refuse to let myself have resentments and beat him up for being an addict. I also don't think I can accept his lack of ability to be what I want and need. On the other hand I have learned to enjoy him sober and we get along really good and he treats me better than he ever did.... need prayer and any input without bashing would be greatly appreciated thanks... god bless

Jody675

i love the saying, people treat us the way we ALLOW then to treat us. if you want to make boundaries about how you wish to be treated, i think that is perfectly acceptable. doesn't mean he has to abide by them though. as long as you don't tell him HOW he has to communicate to you, but just what you don't like and will no longer accept.

e.g. my bf likes to text me and i did too. until i got sick of our texting conversations and explained to him i didn't like texting, so told him that from now on i will not be texting him if i need more than 1 word answers, i will simply call. i will also only respond with 1 word answers, so if he wants more than just that, he could call. he still sends text messages with "how is your day?" and i respond with good/busy/productive/bad. he then would call and say, oh you really mean this...sigh. but strong boundaries for me, without telling HIM what he has to do, only what YOU will be doing, is very healthy.

EnglishGarden

If the situation is not intolerable for you, bunkie, no one here would ever tell you to leave him or to change your circumstances with him.

If the relationship is acceptable to you--even with the drinking and other disappointments--then it sounds as though there is not much motivation to make changes, and we can't make changes unless we are motivated.

I was once with somebody who wanted me to be a kind of drive-through girlfriend. Live separately, see me when he felt like it. Minimum expectations.

But I'm just not wired for it. I just wasn't the right woman for that man.

If you are ever unhappy with the present set-up with your abf, you will ask for more and expect more from him. But for today, it sounds as if you are willing to float a while and that is okay.

We are here if it starts to hurt.