story74

I just got a random text that said "I'm sorry." from my deadbeat axh. Hasn't seen his son since may 14, and disappeared june 4. I, of course, will not respond. Wtf? A part of me is just laughing. I can't win. I want him out of my life...I'm sad. He's in my life...I'm sad.
Its ridiculous and very comical at the moment.
A part of me actually wonders if he will commit suicide tonight and this was his goodbye. Who knows. A momentary glimpse of reality for him? Wtf?
I think out of my life forever is best unless clean.
Ridiculous!

peaceinthepines

It is Ridiculous how they can pull us in to their BS even when we're just going along minding our own business!
Peace, and stay strong!

oooopps

Story I clicked on your profile and read the postings you made when you first joined SR last year.

"I'm Sorry" does not cut it for what he has put you through.

Stay strong and level-headed. You've demonstrated thus far that you dont need him to move forward in life and that is a really good thing. Dont engage with that text. He has no business to be around you and your son as long as drugs are involved.

zoso77

An addict being an addict. And good for you for not responding.

Best,
ZoSo

lisasneeze

"I'm sorry" aka "I'm coming down off a drug and the effects of guilt are hitting me temporarily." This is common for addicts...they put us on small guilt trips. It is intended to bait and switch the receiver, do not feed into it. The minute you do you will see it is same old song and dance. They are sorry for a minute but tomorrow, two days from now, two weeks from now, two years from now the money in your wallet is gone and once again you are a victim. Don't be a victim be a survivor!

Jennirey

Stay Strong.. don't play his game...

Vale

I-G-N-O-R-E

(repeat as necessary)

BullyHayes

I've been on both sides of this situation and when I said I was sorry, I really meant it from my heart...
...of course that isn't counting the hundred times before when I was sobering up and said it because it seemed easiest

Vale

I think they really DO mean it......it is just that the need for the DOC is just PHYSICALLY
overpowering their brain chemistry.They really DO feel as if they are being 'waterboarded'
without it.My 'worst scene' was the addict I cared about sobbing "I'm sorry,I'm sorry"
after a particularly convoluted 'helping episode'
I knew she meant it.I knew she was dreadfully ashamed and sorry for the INCREDIBLE
SHAME she felt for F-ing up her life so badly----especially in front of someone who
knew her in her former life.

But I also knew (in that moment-when it really hit me) that this battle was lost.
Knowing what I know now about codependency--I know it was lost before the opposing
forces ever made first contact.

But THAT moment was when I (finally) knew it emotionally.

I don't believe in my heart that ANYONE would choose such a devils lifestyle.I believe
in my heart every last one of them would find any 1985 DeLorean they could--
(flux capacitor equipped or not) and hotwire that sucker for the day before their
FATEFUL decision. [forgive obscure movie reference].

I know in my heart she would go back to 'the day' that she decided......
and reaarange her future to keep her husband,home,and happy family.

Alas,sadly...........that is not how time works.

Jody675

it would be nice if it did, but i wonder how many of us would then just live without responsibility if we could just go back to the day before it started.

ps vale...i loved the back to the future series.

crazybabie

Story, I am glad you see it for what it is and glad you saw some humor in it.

SeekingGrowth

Vale, what an insightful post. I too think they mean it, which makes it all the more heartbreaking because it is just for a moment, and then they are gone again. I had an unforgettable "sorry" moment as well - two days after my son was released from his first in-patient rehab, when I found him zoned out on his bed with a needle on the floor. I waved the needle under his nose, then walked away in disgust. He roused himself and came stumbling after me, sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Just heartbreaking.

LoveMeNow

He sure is Story, he sure is....

FindingErica

My husband is the king of manipulative out of left field texts. I will be going on with my life, and some text will pop up that will consume my emotional energy and rob my peace of mind. I'd say ignore it, but I know you can't. Don't respond to it because that is how they pull you in. My AH will try different angles over a few days until he hits on something that gets a response. He is still very familiar with me using pet names.

My guess is he sent the text out like a hook to see if you will take the bait and he can start reeling in. He probably needs money or a place to live.

story74

Thank you all. My first reaction was shock, disbelief and laughter and I thought...ehhh he has a heartbeat. Then, I thought "awe, he is sorry. He still loves me. I bet he will come back" just typing that I lol. Wtf was I thinking..and total BARF! But, I immediately regained reality and thought he wants something. He wants to feel me out to see if he can squirm his disgusting self back into our life. Oh no, I did not respond. A apology thru a text doesn't even cut it. I spent 20 minutes dreaming of telling him off.n..and then I read the post letting go. And, it just clicked. I don't want to be angry anymore. }t is his life and his choices and he is going to have to deal with it. I'm not going to be manipulated anymore. I'm going to really and truly focus on me and my son. I have a great job, friends, family and a wonderful little boy. A little boy who needs a lot of emotional guidance. We have a lot of exciting things starting in august, and its just awesome. I'm not going to let him ruin my happiness anymore. Screw him. I think this random text actually helped me grow a little more and helped me see the light.

And, I wish I could block his number or change mine, but I have to abide by the law. I will not do anything to mess up what I have. My son is safe and well protected right now. So, unfortunately, I have to deal with him. I'm just not going tot let him bother me anymore. He just isn't worth it...not at this moment. He has caused too much pain, and I'm getting off his crazy train.

oooopps

YEESSS!!!! :ghug3

Learn2Live

Let me tell you, if it's been that long since he has seen his child, there is a reason for that. He is so bad I am sure, that it is a GOOD thing that he is staying away. I would be grateful that he is doing so and only sent me a text message. He's not in your house and not bringing the chaos and sickness around you and your child.