transformyself

Got a call from Ms. Sparkle Eyes while camping. We had a brief conversation before I lost my signal. She sounds distraught, said, "I don't know if I'm in denial or not," to which I (perhaps inappropriately) responded, "Yes you are."

I talked to her for a little while before losing cell signal, can't remember the exact content but the nature of the conversation was basically me telling her that the only thing that's ever made me better is to focus on myself and fix myself. You know, the usual.

Camping was amazing. My sister moved to a dinky little village just west of the city where I live, and is dating a young fireman farmboy. The men of this community took my sons out to get firewood, dump fish, called them over to haul water and wood and other things and taught them how to work hard. Hillbilies remind me of Indian folks; they work hard and laugh a lot and the men have their jobs and the women have theirs and they don't seperate according to age. The old folks and the little kids all work and eat and live together.

The kids didn't want to come back, but I have to do some work today. My sister and my youngest son tried to convince me to move to this little village, but I have not job, and dont' have reliable transportation to get them to school.

Then, an amazing thing happened yesterday! My younger son was having problems breathing in the heat during the parade, so we went and sat on the steps of a building. A man came out and asked him if he was ok, told him we could go into his office building and cool off if we wanted. He was very kind, but we declined.

We watched the parade out by the street, then returned to the steps. The man came back and basically insisted we come up to his office to cool off. he was worried about my boy. See above for village hospitality.

When we got up to his office, I discovered he is the editor and publisher for the Village paper, a one man show.

I asked him questions like what wieght paper do you print on, who does your printing, what program do you use to lay out the paper, etc. Told him I'm ditching my business partner and will be looking for work.

He hauled out a stack of monthlies, a parenting monthly, and said he stopped publishing it because the main advertiser lost their federal funding. He offered it to me! SAid, All you have to do is go get the advertising and you can publish it.

He said it's about a $1,000 a month paycheck. I figure I can do it, I already know how, and it's writing for parents instead of he massively depressing social justice/political work I do.

Amazing. I may just move out to the boonies.

MsPINKAcres

small towns are the Bestest ever!!

I thought I lived in a small town - then I met Mr.PINKAcres, married him & moved to his smaller town ~ it's fabulous!

people stop by just for a visit & coffee ~ everyone says "holler if yall need something" and MEAN it!

life is simple, work is hard and love is shared easily ~

as an outsider - they are leary for a while - but once they accept you in the circle - they will fight for you just like you are one of their own born & bred there ~

yes it has it's draw backs - like the neighbors donkey is a little loud as so is there Monster truck, the cell phone coverage is horrible, the drive to my job is long ~ but coffee on the porch watching the world wake up in the morning with only the sounds of nature is fabulous ~

Good luck on where ever your HP leads you ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Milly39

Sounds like you had a great time and its funny how things work out.
Maybe a new start in a little village is just what you and your family need. Fingers crossed for you

lillamy

I got goosebumps all over reading that.
Excuse me while I go a little metaphysical here, and stop reading if that bothers you.

I have found, in my own experience, that when I am on a path that is right and good (not the path -- I don't think there's just one), then doors open, red carpets roll out, and opportunities present themselves.

Have no fear. Listen to your instincts. That village sounds like a good place for healing.

transformyself

Oh no Little Dancing Woman, you're right on 100%. I have CALLED this to me.

More amazing things will be happening too, as soon as I live away from AH.

It's not his fault, or mine, I'm just not able to focus on myself enough to manifest the life I want while living with him. Too clouded. Chaotic.

dandylion

I just feel the need to add these comments regarding the joys of smalltown/rural living in order to balance the Norman Rockwell images.
I was born in the deep hills of West Virginia---11/2 miles up a holler from the main paved road. No electricity, no running water, etc. We raised most all of our food, etc...
Yes, the work was hard, and the neighbors were like family, and nature was my companion. I loved it. My heart still lives there. But, after reaching young adulthood, I could never return to live (I do visit). The reason is that one has to be very conservative socially and politically---or run into a lot of cultural conflict. Racism and strong patriarchal attitudes are the norm--not the exception. I just can't live while biting my tongue all the time.
I wish with all my heart that this wasn't true. But, it is.
I don't mean to offend anybody by this post.
I know it is a bit "off-topic' of alcoholism, but , since it was already on the table---I felt compelled to give my input.

thanks for your tolerance,
dandylion

***if anyone would like to chat, privately, with me on the subject I would welcome it by private message

Taking5

Damn that was a good day! Keep us posted on how the writing/publishing stuff goes.

transformyself

Dandylion I faced the same conservative views on this trip, and have no delusions of what they'll bring me in the future.

But-here are two thoughts for you.

First, this area is about 40 minutes from where I currently live, which is the most liberal county in the state. I fully know and understand the political, racist and patriarchal foundation of these folks. I grew up immersed in it too but unlike the deep hills of WV, I can drive to sanity if I need to.

I'm pretty good at doing a delicate balancing act. I am a medical marijuana patient (it's legal here) am deathly allergic to all kinds of painkillers and am a chronic pain patient. I was as discreet as I could be with smoking it ( we were on 300 acres) and I had capsules with me as well, but at one point my sisters boyfriend smelled marijuana on me and was furious. He bitched out my sister and withdrew from me.

I was just sweet as pie to him. My sister is an old school Al-anoner and left him be but advised me to be more careful. I told her I would be, but that I was going to charm him out of his little snit. What's he going to do, stay mad at me? Besides THIS is how racism, homophobia and other prejudices are confronted and resolved. Your daughter has a black baby, your favorite nephew that you love comes out as a gay man. Your girlfriends sister is a medical marijuana patient.

It only took him about an hour to snap out of it. I'm family. My sister and i also put the kabash--really nice like--on the racist jokes they were telling at the fire. We can all get along. They're terrified of blacks, gays and marijuana LOL, but still love us. My sister was in a lesbian relationship for 14 years before she met him, he's really workin hard so far with us LOL


Also, I've already been group by several friends on FB regarding starting up another publication in this county that addresses the parenting needs of alternative parents, so I may have two publications up and running before too long.

Yes!! Next up, reliable transportation and filing for divorce!!

MsPINKAcres

To join in ~ I too have come across some of the old ideas on life situations ~ Most of the world would consider me rather conservative in my "political" views but when it comes to race & sexual orientation ~ I know I'm very liberal.

I have mixed race grandchildren & wonderful friends that are homosexual ~

My favorite response when faced with these types of sitatutions is "Isn't it great that we live in a country where you can have your thoughts and I can have mine ~ and we are free to give every one mutual respect by not forcing one on the other"

and if they push the issue - I leave ~ which gives a stronger message than any words I could ever say.

The NOT arguing about it has gained me respect in our circle ~ I know the jokes are still told, some things are still said, but most pay me the respect to not say it in my presence ~

Like I said, for me and the town I live in ~ once you have earned their trust - even tho they may not agree with everything you do ~ they accept you and treat you like family.

I pray that if you choose to make this little town your home that you will have the same experience ~

PINK HUGS!
Rita

LaTeeDa

I live in a very conservative small town, too. Most people I know here consider me a flaming liberal. Funny, when I lived in San Francisco, most of my friends considered me to be on the conservative side, lol. Yes, I was a little shocked when I first moved up here. There are many small-minded people in this small town, but also some really open-minded people. They are just harder to find than they were in the city. Mostly, I avoid conversations about politics and religion, and get along just fine with nearly everyone.

There are many upsides to life in a small town. Clean air, clean water, abundant parking, good schools, low crime, no traffic, and the list goes on. The only two things I really miss about the city are the shopping and the restaurants. I had to learn to cook the things I really like because there's no place to order them, lol.

Transform, one of the really big upsides to living in a small town I think is what it does for the kids. I call it "being a big duck on a small pond." Whatever their interests or whatever they shine at, they can shine. It's easier to stand out in a small group than a large crowd. My kids have thrived in this town and that makes up for any amount of prejudice or small-mindedness I've had to endure.

L

transformyself

I so agree LTD.

My kids will flourish with small town values, and learn a bit about navigating through "the real world," as well. Here, they've not had to interact too much with racism or homophobia, but now they're getting a good look at it and still want to live there.

It helps that my sisters boyfriend is the Village Mayors son. They've lived in that little burg for ten generations and we've got an instant "in" already, which also carries a higher standard of behavior, which is also a good thing.

lillamy

Yup, there are definitely disadvantages to living in a small town.
For me, the political opinions of people weren't the issue (the small Alaskan town where I spent many years had no middle ground, you were either a flaming liberal or a stubborn conservative). The part that bothered me was the social control -- but that's also sort of the downside to any community, that it comes with everyone being all up in everyone's business and having opinions on it.

And like everything, just because it might be a good place now, it won't necessarily be a good place forever.

dandylion

Dear Transformyself---I appreciate your response to my post as well as all the others who have joined in. I absolutely agree with you that your living example can be a powerful way to promote tolerance.
I am relieved to find out that you have already been familiarized. I just didn't want you to be blindsided. But, you sound o.k. to me in that regard.
That being said---YOU GO GIRL!!!! I admire what you are doing---and how you found it.
You are going to grow so much with this new adventure. I wish you every blessing.

dandylion:

MsPINKAcres

ha ha ha - Mr.PINK's brother was the mayor of our "small town USA" he since has retired and moved up to school board member ~ thankfully Mr.PINK has no interest in small town politics! whew!

because at the last schoolboard/town meeting there were a few punches thrown <- literally!!!

Thumper

I moved to a very small town and overall it has been a good thing for my family - for the reasons already mentioned. I do not regret it at all. I may not stay here after my kids leave but it is a very good home right now. Safe, secure, easy, calm, and I grew up in a small town so I'm at 'home' here.

I agree with LTD though. I get sick of cooking every night, lol.

This is huge. I didn't have an 'in' and that has been the biggest negative for me and my two older boys. As a single women with four kids and no connections (and my job does not provide any connections either) it has been very isolating. I've lived here long enough they should know I'm not some kind of home wrecker or crazy person but who knows. People are very nice and welcoming -even more so then the town we moved from, which was bigger. The younger boys started pre-school here so it will be a little easier for them.

It is also not, by any stretch, a hotbed of eligible men, lmao.

Thumper

LOL - small towns are the same everywhere!

transformyself

Oh come on Thumper. You don't like public servents who punch each other?

I LOVE this
.

Hilarious and oh so true!

Thumper

They are all taken.

A fine catch like that.

laurie6781

(((((Transform)))))

When I read your post, I was smiling and crying all at the same time. i am so happy for you. I am also happy that your boys had a grand time and didn't want to leave! And even though you don't feel well today, you do sound more 'positive' than you in a while. More 'up' in spirits. To me that is a good sign.

Where I come from that is known a a "God Shot" and that was a real humdinger!!!!!

I personally LOVE small towns. Of course, part of that may be because I grew up in a family that was so 'far right' my folks were considered 'John Birchers", roflmao.

I am not quite that way, lol but I do lean to the right on 'some subjects.' What I trulyenjoy is the 'closeness' of a small town. The 'willingness' to help a neighbor. And although there may be some chauvinism in most small towns, they will also respect you for being a new single woman, raising her sons on her own.

Will be no different to them than a 'widow' raising her sons, and the men will be more than willing to give your boys some 'healthy' male companionship and teach them some about life, how to take care of 'one's responsibilities', how to give an honest days work for their pay, how to be respectful to elders, etc and also how to 'enjoy' the 'freedoms' that a small town gives children to grow, especially in this day and age.

Yes, it would be an EXCELLENT move for your sons. And remember, it does not have to be forever. However, I do believe it would be a VERY GOOD move for you also, especially after that opportunity was offered to you. With today's means of communication, and the way you could do part of your job 'from home' so to speak, you can live just about anywhere.

The other thing is, you do not know how your AH is going to react, when the reality hits him that you are serious and the divorce is going on. He may, like many, turn crazier than he has been, and there again, a small town can be a big asset. Should he become a problem, I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't met by a committee of the male residents that will happily inform him, that 'no one messes with one of their own' and he best just move on down the road. lol

So, please keep us posted (like you wouldn't, lol) of the wonderful prospects opening up for you and the boys. I am so glad to see that your HP, the Universe, whatever one wants to call it, has given you the new 'door opening' when another door is closing!

You go girl!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

TakingCharge999

If a place is further away from wacko coworker and the abusive AH, it sounds like Heaven to me

Congratulations for your publishing opportunities, YAY!

HUGS!!