Ended it, Part 2: It got ugly
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
Ended it, Part 2: It got ugly
I posted I ended things with ABF (even got him to agree we'd be better as friends). My cats and I were to stay with one more night with him -- I was waiting for my new place to be finished the very next day. He assured me he'd be cool, be my friend and still help me move.
I get home that night after girlfriends have taken me out for dinner (oh, and it was my birthday yesterday, which makes all this even richer!). He's been drinking all day (he had the day off). He's a complete clumsy mess. He begins ranting, accusing me of cheating on him. He calls me names ("fatass" -- which I'm not, but he knows I've always wrestled with food/body image issues).
Scared and stressed, at about 11 p.m., I pack up all my things and my cats (while he taunts me the whole time and even drop-kicked my suitcase out the door) and left to stay with a friend.
I'm so done.
I hate that things got that ugly, yet I'm honestly so glad they did -- If there was any doubt I made the right decision, it's all gone. So is my desire to have any contact with him. He texted an apology -- and a happy birthday (snort!) -- and sent a few more. I ignored them and will continue to do so.
Last night, with the help of my wonderful friends, I got moved into my new place, without any help from him! I'm struck by the divine timing of everything -- I am supposed to begin my new year in a new place with a clean slate. And I feel blessed and happy.
I don't have to spend another weekend on eggshells. I don't have to go to a family dinner tonight (with his alcoholic father and enabler mother) and wonder if he's drinking when he takes the trash out. I don't have to go to a family bridal shower tomorrow (for his niece) and worry how much alcohol he's sucking down when the men do their thing.
I have a full weekend of unpacking, swimming, shopping, girlfriends (dinner tonight, Magic Mike tomorrow!).
It feels so much better on this side.
I get home that night after girlfriends have taken me out for dinner (oh, and it was my birthday yesterday, which makes all this even richer!). He's been drinking all day (he had the day off). He's a complete clumsy mess. He begins ranting, accusing me of cheating on him. He calls me names ("fatass" -- which I'm not, but he knows I've always wrestled with food/body image issues).
Scared and stressed, at about 11 p.m., I pack up all my things and my cats (while he taunts me the whole time and even drop-kicked my suitcase out the door) and left to stay with a friend.
I'm so done.
I hate that things got that ugly, yet I'm honestly so glad they did -- If there was any doubt I made the right decision, it's all gone. So is my desire to have any contact with him. He texted an apology -- and a happy birthday (snort!) -- and sent a few more. I ignored them and will continue to do so.
Last night, with the help of my wonderful friends, I got moved into my new place, without any help from him! I'm struck by the divine timing of everything -- I am supposed to begin my new year in a new place with a clean slate. And I feel blessed and happy.
I don't have to spend another weekend on eggshells. I don't have to go to a family dinner tonight (with his alcoholic father and enabler mother) and wonder if he's drinking when he takes the trash out. I don't have to go to a family bridal shower tomorrow (for his niece) and worry how much alcohol he's sucking down when the men do their thing.
I have a full weekend of unpacking, swimming, shopping, girlfriends (dinner tonight, Magic Mike tomorrow!).
It feels so much better on this side.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Good for you!!!!!
You did real good.
I am glad for you that you have decided to go no contact. Might I suggest, because no matter how bad it was, most of us still get 'feelings' and wonder if we really did do the right thing, maybe I should give him one more chance, maybe I was too hard on him, etc and our resolve can waiver .................................... so how about downloading a duck quacking as a ring tone and hook it to his number ......................... then if he does call and you hear the 'quack, quack, quack' it will reinforce your decision to stay no contact.
Other than that, welcome back to life!!!!!! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. Also, it will help those on here that are 'still struggling' and will help to give them additional 'Hope' that there is life after an A.
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
You did real good.
I am glad for you that you have decided to go no contact. Might I suggest, because no matter how bad it was, most of us still get 'feelings' and wonder if we really did do the right thing, maybe I should give him one more chance, maybe I was too hard on him, etc and our resolve can waiver .................................... so how about downloading a duck quacking as a ring tone and hook it to his number ......................... then if he does call and you hear the 'quack, quack, quack' it will reinforce your decision to stay no contact.
Other than that, welcome back to life!!!!!! Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. Also, it will help those on here that are 'still struggling' and will help to give them additional 'Hope' that there is life after an A.
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 104
Woohoo!!! First off, happy belated birthday! But second, and most important, I'm glad that you, like me, had such a clearcut sign that it was time to move on. I still have to deal with the hassle of the insurance claim, but I took pics of the Jeep and the neighbors house as reminders of why I'm moving on. We WILL find peace. And I have a pool day ahead of me as well! Going to enjoy my weekend before the 2 vacation days I took to pack up his things and get my house ready to sell.
Laurie, I love the ringtone idea! I'm going to attach the picture of the destruction to his profile so that it come up when he calls.
Laurie, I love the ringtone idea! I'm going to attach the picture of the destruction to his profile so that it come up when he calls.
has left the building :)
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The Big City
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by laurie6781 
so how about downloading a duck quacking as a ring tone and hook it to his number ......................... then if he does call and you hear the 'quack, quack, quack' it will reinforce your decision to stay no contact.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Happy Belated Birthday! You gave yourself the best gift ever-you got your life back. There will be healing and it will hurt sometimes, but in the end, you'll be happier not dealing with an active alcoholic.
I'm so sorry it got ugly and obnoxious on the end. You difn't deserve that.
Love and Light,
Lily
I'm so sorry it got ugly and obnoxious on the end. You difn't deserve that.
Love and Light,
Lily
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, Happy Birthday!
That must have been quite a send off. I'm sorry that happened, but glad that you are safely in your own place.
Enjoy the weekend unpacking, deciding where things go, thinking of future projects, and having fun with your girlfriends!
That must have been quite a send off. I'm sorry that happened, but glad that you are safely in your own place.
Enjoy the weekend unpacking, deciding where things go, thinking of future projects, and having fun with your girlfriends!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 386
Thanks so much for the support! I've had a few weepy moments this weekend, but I've also had laughter and peace. He has not contacted me since, and I have changed my alert tones to quacking (great idea!) if he does.
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