Live2Run25

Well, Today is Day 20 for me. I started out happy and proud. Now as the afternoon is coming to a close and i'm thinking about friday evening and the weekend, i'm getting bummed out. I was supposed to got to Baltimore tonight with my boyfriend for his best friends birthday celebration. After much back and forth about it, I decided not to go. He's there now, and i'm not. I'm thinking about the fun they will be having, and i'm semi regretting my decision. The thing is, I know it would have been a HUGE trigger to go.

Also doesn't help that I get on facebook and see some pictures of my best friends all together happy and smiling at a baseball game. One of them I really worry about with her drinking..we all hung out in a big group and I haven't seen them lately as they NEVER hang out in an enviroment without alcohol. I feel sad at the loss of these friends. I know I can't do it right now. I know that some of them even scoff at my Sobriety.

I know it's all been said before, and I tell people all day long on here "They aren't good friends if they are always drinking" but It's still upsetting..

Someone send me some encouraging words, please!

GiGi13

Look im no expert and this isnt my first time around the block of trying to sober up..but..one thing when other times i would try to stay sober and hang with friends..even in bars..i would drink seltzer and cranberry..or another non-alcoholic drink. I would still laugh..still have fun..and not worry about the fact that i wasnt getting drunk..when the urge would hit me..i would look around at everyone and laugh AT them sometimes for how stupid they were acting...that was my fun! and then i would pitty the hangovers they would feel the next day. Just because we dont drink anymore doesnt mean we cant go out and have a good time!!! And your right..if they scoff at your sobriety, to heck with them..they arent worth it one bit!! I know its hard to NOT dwell on it when we are at the beginning of sobering up..but..just try your best not to think about it..think of it like a cup of draino...would you wanna put that type of poison in your body and keep killing yourself? nope!... If you have ever vomited from alcohol..think about that...i know that in the past when i would just mentally think about how badly i vomited from alcohol..just the thought would be enough to drive me away... you are strong and beautiful and you CAN do this...you CAN have even MORE fun...being sober...life doesnt have a cloud or haze hanging over you anymore!!!! Stay strong my friend stay sober..keep the faith!

WritingFromLife

Another hurdle---this is a tough one! I know this sounds like fluffy advice, but when I find myself in this position, I change my focus and put it on a new plan for myself--I actually reworked my entire identity--made a new list of all the things I wanted to do. Major travel, special classes, whatever. Be specific. Don't limit yourself-even if you already have lofty goals or big accomplishments, there's always something you can add. It seems to rev my juices up and reminds me that I can't have both lives--and what the other drinking friends are doing will hopefully pale in comparison for what's ahead for YOU!

And....go for a run before you do the list!

Hope that helps ;-)

MrsKing

Just read your post marking your 20 days and commented on how happy and upbeat you sounded, but now I've read this sorry you're not feeling as good as you were earlier. Last night I went out with my friend and my husband to a karaoke night at a pub. It was good fun, and I drank diet coke, and really enjoyed myself. It actually made me realise why not drinking is so much better on ALL levels, whatever problems and issues I have with alcohol- I looked at the drunk people, making fools of themselves, being loud and obnoxious, and I just thought "thank God I'm not like this any longer." Maybe it would do you some good to have some fun? Fun doesn't mean drinking. Tell yourself over and over that you will NOT be drinking next time you are invited to a social event, and make it 100% clear in your mind. Tell everyone beforehand that you won't be drinking so that you are less likely to anyway. If it is a HUGE trigger and you are not so sure then perhaps it's best not to go... but, honestly, as time goes on it will be easy and fun, and it will make you feel very good about yourself that you have chosen not to drink. Good luck x

Live2Run25

Thank you GiGi! Really kind words! It just hit me all of a sudden this afternoon. I need to make sober friends. I don't know how. I plan on going to AA with my dad when he gets out of rehab in a week or two. Maybe I can there. I just wish all my friends didn't need to have alcohol at every event we do! It saddens me, though. I'm sober now and wonder if these people were ever REALLY my friends? Ya know. It's not so much about drinking I guess that it's just realizing I'm going to lose a lot of friends in this process. I know it's worth it in the end, but with the exception of my wonderful boyfriend, I don't have anyone else to do stuff with.

Live2Run25

I know i've done that before. Watched other people drink and act stupid, and it is a HUGE eye opener. I know I act like that, ya know? I want to go out still, but I fear that they will think i'm being "high and mighty" and not really want to hang out with me anymore, or think i'm going to be a buzz kill. I guess in time, I'll figure all this out.

Jimuk

Hang in there L2R25, you have been so positive and at day 20 well thats awesome, I'm proud of you keep it up. Its only one silly night, no great shake. Right? X

GiGi13

In order to truly be filled, we must first be completely emptied~ Thats an old quote from me..i write allot... and if losing your friends as a result of your sobriety is what happens...well..your just purging even MORE toxins out of your life... you WILL find friends whom, even if they do drink...will love and respect you enough not to do it around you..trust me you will!!!

Weasel1966

I am proud of you for putting your sobriety first. And in turn putting yourself first.

Be happy and proud of your hard work! You deserve it.

Live2Run25

Thank you. I'm proud too! I know these feelings are all part of the process!

Live2Run25

Thanks GiGi! I like that quote. You are right!

lambykitten

I don't think it's always true that the people who knew you when you were drinking can't remain friends into the future. I do think there are people you may drift away from (as always happens in life) but I think you may also find some of those friends are happy to hang out with you doing something besides drinking.

Also, take comfort in the new friendships that you are about to discover. I have met amazing people who understand me in a way few people can and who love me without ulterior motives. I know you said you are waiting for your dad to start going to AA meetings, but you might find its easier to make new friends if you show up by yourself. I don't know where in MD you are, but I first came to AA ten years ago in Baltimore - and there are a TON of amazing young people in the area. Although I relapsed, one of my (still) closest friends got sober at 17 and just celebrated 10 years.

Now I am in Philadelphia, with 85 days sober, and I can definitely relate to how hard it can be to go to a meeting alone - but if you do, raise you hand and tell them that you are new - and you should find that people will come up to you after the meeting to say hi. If you look online you may even be able to find a meeting for young people in your area. If you are ever in or around Baltimore there are meetings that I can suggest, too.

Anna

You might be surprised, that by losing a few friends, you may be opening your heart to a few new people to come into your life and to bring love and light to you. That's what happened to me.

Zee

Weekends are usually the worst time aren't they? But, I suppose, from every high comes a low, and for the sake of a couple of hours of being drunk, the reprocussions in the morning far outwiegh the night before.

As GiGi said... think about the lows.

Wow... it works, I feel a bit nauseous now! x

frances2011

Sending you uplifting, positive, encouraging, cheerful, creative vibes.

You not only CAN do this, you ARE doing it.

WOW on your sig success. I did 4 last year. Kinda half-crazy, but in the good way.

Are you training for anything? I'm 10ish years older than my running buddies and since I don't drink anymore I'm bright-eyed to kick their butts on morning long runs.

Dee74

Recovery does mean a lot of changes - and some of them were pretty rough on me - but I regret nothing...

As I stayed sober I grew and my life needed to change with me...I love the life I've built sober and I know you will too live2run

D

Live2Run25

I start training soon for 2 half's in october! I've already done 3 this year!

frances2011

NICE on your Oct halfs. How many weeks apart? I found that 3 is no problem, 2 is kinda tight.

2 for me so far this year.

Live2Run25

They are 7 days apart! 10/14 and 10/21 !! One is in Baltimore and the other is in Hershey PA!

duane1

You never know how people will react if you aren't "joining in the fun" by drinking. I went to a BBQ at work where most people were drinking. I thought people would keep pushing me to have a beer with them, but I just mentioned it was a hot day and preferred to drink water. After I said that, people left me alone. I can remember being that same pusher, but usually would stop when someone put their foot down about it. If I got offended, my feelings didn't last too long. I just partied on with the other drinkers. Eventually, you will probably gravitate toward other nondrinkers. It will just take time.