I am feeling unreasonable - am I right to?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
I am feeling unreasonable - am I right to?
This evening I have been trying to stay on track of my recovery. My RAH is now 8 weeks sober- and 4
out of rehab. Whereas he is not drinking, he is slipping in that his selfish behavior is beginning to creep back into our lives- to be honest god the past few weeks he has been trying to convince himself ( and everyone else) that he was hospitalized and so I'll! Looking for the sympathy vote and also a big show of gratitude from us all- I am finding it hard to detach from him in a loving way-I have spent the last 3 years being totally detached through anger and resentment!
I do attend Al Anon - which is really helping me focus on my recovery- just today I am having a blip. I feel that I am the one that is being unreasonable- and yet I do know that I am not. I am just fed up of feeling that I should be grateful that he is dry- especially when he has not acknowledged that he
Has spent the last 25 years drinking, ruined his business by being irresponsible, lied, being emotionally distant-
Yep, I am being unreasonable- to even expect him to face up to those things just yet is setting myself up for a fall. Just needed to rant,thanks for listening!
out of rehab. Whereas he is not drinking, he is slipping in that his selfish behavior is beginning to creep back into our lives- to be honest god the past few weeks he has been trying to convince himself ( and everyone else) that he was hospitalized and so I'll! Looking for the sympathy vote and also a big show of gratitude from us all- I am finding it hard to detach from him in a loving way-I have spent the last 3 years being totally detached through anger and resentment!
I do attend Al Anon - which is really helping me focus on my recovery- just today I am having a blip. I feel that I am the one that is being unreasonable- and yet I do know that I am not. I am just fed up of feeling that I should be grateful that he is dry- especially when he has not acknowledged that he
Has spent the last 25 years drinking, ruined his business by being irresponsible, lied, being emotionally distant-
Yep, I am being unreasonable- to even expect him to face up to those things just yet is setting myself up for a fall. Just needed to rant,thanks for listening!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
NO.
YOu are and should expect him to be decent, clear, to take responsibility for himself, and his past.
You are treating him like an adult. He wants to be entitled to special treatment, which is why he has to frame his addiction in the victim framework.
Dont buy into this, trust me. My RAH is 20 months sober, and I should have made some boundaries that I did not.
This is a new opportunity for you to make clear what is acceptable and what is UNACCEPTABLE behavior.
Drunks getting sober can be celebrated in their AA meetings. You can be proud, but you dont have to eat dirt and like it.
Get clear and write your boundaries down. Tell him its healthy living, and decent treatment or the highway.
You deserve it! I did too. But I felt too scared of not being grateful enough for his blessed sobriety, or as his mother puts it; "His having to act like everyone else, doing what everyone else has to do everyday. Big whoop!"
YOu are and should expect him to be decent, clear, to take responsibility for himself, and his past.
You are treating him like an adult. He wants to be entitled to special treatment, which is why he has to frame his addiction in the victim framework.
Dont buy into this, trust me. My RAH is 20 months sober, and I should have made some boundaries that I did not.
This is a new opportunity for you to make clear what is acceptable and what is UNACCEPTABLE behavior.
Drunks getting sober can be celebrated in their AA meetings. You can be proud, but you dont have to eat dirt and like it.
Get clear and write your boundaries down. Tell him its healthy living, and decent treatment or the highway.
You deserve it! I did too. But I felt too scared of not being grateful enough for his blessed sobriety, or as his mother puts it; "His having to act like everyone else, doing what everyone else has to do everyday. Big whoop!"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 137
Thanks Buffalo - I will try to write down boundaries and tell him. Difficult to do Fter walking on eggshells for the past 25 years- but know it must be done.
Yes, anvilhead, it is disappointing - but honestly I did not expect him to take action straight away- it has always taken him a while to process things and work on them!
I know the journey to his full recovery is his alone- I cannot do it for him- and for me it's really important to work on mine - I have lived my whole life with alcoholics-and so need a lot of work too! Just wish he was as committed - but what will be will be.
Yes, anvilhead, it is disappointing - but honestly I did not expect him to take action straight away- it has always taken him a while to process things and work on them!
I know the journey to his full recovery is his alone- I cannot do it for him- and for me it's really important to work on mine - I have lived my whole life with alcoholics-and so need a lot of work too! Just wish he was as committed - but what will be will be.
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