what do I do next?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Cornwall England
Posts: 21
what do I do next?
my AH has been drinking for all our relationship first socially then secretly he went to therapy but as he was working away that fell through, in November my daughter had an operation when we came home he was bladdered the following week we had numerous arguments all because we didn't spend time together. the week ended with an agreement where my daughter left and went to my parents I naturally followed he then spent hours threatening and phoning eventually turned up and had a scuffle with my dad the police were called and he was arrested. he went to the doctors and was prescribed anti depressants he was sober for 3 months once I found him passed out after drinking vodka it has slowly got worse especially when I'm at work today I get a phone call saying he's smashed the car! he's doing all the usually alcoholic things lying hiding disappearing not answering his phone etc etc it's so hard not to enable him to do it I don't want to treat him like a child but I'm at the end of my tether how do I stop caring!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to SR! I am very sorry for your situation that brought you here, but hoping you find the strength and hope here that I have.
First of all, here's a good thread to read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Secondly, putting some distance between you two could be very beneficial, i.e. just not answering the phone or engaging for a while. Take a short break, get your head screwed back on straight, and breath easy for a few days.
Thirdly, read books about alcoholism and the effects on the family. Prepare yourself as best you can (separate the finances, etc.) to prevent as much damage to you and your child. Taking a proactive approach often helps us feel a bit more in control of the situation - at least control of us in the situation.
And lastly, remember the three C's. We didn't cause this, we can't control it, we can't cure it. Your husband is a grown man, this one is on him to fix.
Take good care, and keep coming back!
~T
First of all, here's a good thread to read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Secondly, putting some distance between you two could be very beneficial, i.e. just not answering the phone or engaging for a while. Take a short break, get your head screwed back on straight, and breath easy for a few days.
Thirdly, read books about alcoholism and the effects on the family. Prepare yourself as best you can (separate the finances, etc.) to prevent as much damage to you and your child. Taking a proactive approach often helps us feel a bit more in control of the situation - at least control of us in the situation.
And lastly, remember the three C's. We didn't cause this, we can't control it, we can't cure it. Your husband is a grown man, this one is on him to fix.
Take good care, and keep coming back!
~T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Cornwall England
Posts: 21
ive been with him since i was 19 when hes sober it really good but I cant trust him anymore but the love over rides it everytime I know what to do in theory but in practice it goes out the window, like today I went and took the keys out of the car only because 1 doesnt belong to us, but then left him there, he wakes starts walking and phones his mother to pick him up. She then rings me I tell her I dont want to know and I had enough (he didnt tell her he had smashed the car) she said im not getting invovled between you two so I replied why phone then and hung up. I went out to get some head space and swithched m phone off, Came home to 5 missed calls from his sister asking for to him to come home I said no listened to ansaphone messages his mother asking me to pick him I ignored, What more can I do please some one help!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by mcconnell922 
i understand that but what else could i have done ? thats what i dont know
how can i be harder with myself??
how can i be harder with myself??
Nothing. YOu can't do anything for an active A.
Stop being hard on yourself. Start taking care of your pain. Please!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by mcconnell922
i understand that but what else could i have done ?
I know you're a caring person but it's not within your power to fix him.....I know. I have tried for many, many years and now I am just waiting for her to die. I tried everything....nothing worked. Now I'm working on fixing me. I truly care for her; I just finally realized that there is nothing I can do for her.
I'm sorry about your pain. Please take Tuffgirl's advice. I have and it has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
You asked: What do I do next?
the answer: NOTHING.
You're doing what needs to be done, taking a break and giving yourself some space.
Take care of you and your daughter. I have made the mistake of allowing my son to be exposed for too long to my AH's rants and rages because I never set and boundaries. You can do this and you can only control YOU.
the answer: NOTHING.
You're doing what needs to be done, taking a break and giving yourself some space.
Take care of you and your daughter. I have made the mistake of allowing my son to be exposed for too long to my AH's rants and rages because I never set and boundaries. You can do this and you can only control YOU.
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