Donnylutz

It's day 1, again. However, something is different. Something has changed. Normally when I decide to not drink it's because I'm hung over and regretting/wondering who I slept with last night. But this time, I just feel tired. I also feel like fighting. I started feeling depressed and realized that I have no reason to be. As addicts it's so easy to forget that ultimately WE ARE IN CONTROL! If we really want to change, WE CAN! It's an amazing thing to actually comprehend. I know this is it. I'm done.

I'm still doing outpatient treatment, where I have lied and never fessed up to the fact that I was still using. I feel so guilty now, sitting there with people that have left their lives/families/jobs behind to get sober, and I've been lying to them. That ends now. Tomorrow at treatment I'm going to fess up to everything..........and let them know that things have changed.

I changed my cell phone number (will stop all the random hookups from being able to reach me), I deleted Grindr, an app that makes it easy to find something to mess around with, I changed my email...............but most importantly, I've changed! I'm thinking differently. I'm remembering how happy I was when I was a kid.......and I was happy without alcohol.

As I've learned early on in treatment my main reason for drinking is because I don't know how to be social, and drinking of course makes it easy. So that is where I am starting with this new beginning.......posting here, going to AA (being gay and an addict in Minnesota offers a GIGANTIC network of people)....it's time to make new friends.

I've done this before.......said "I'm Done" and meant it....only to go buy another bottle of vodka later that day..............something is different. I never really meant it before, even though I thought I did.......

I'm done! I'm sober! And most importantly, I'm ready to FIGHT. I CAN DO THIS!

Best of luck to all of you! Never forget that ultimately YOU HAVE THE POWER to stop........we really do! It's within us.......and that's the only way to actually be sober.........

So, my name is Donnylutz, I am an alcoholic, and my recovery date is June 3rd, 2012.

sugarbear1

Welcome to a new life!

scrambled2012

It is a learning process Donny; many if not most of us have failed before. It's good to see you intergrating what you have learned in the past and taking active structual steps to help you achieve you goal. Have a personal plan, taking such steps, while engaging in active treatment is a good strategy. Way to be buddy.

sissy07

That is it! Get through this initial process without drinking so you don't have to do it again. Life gets so much better sober.

debsam

Yep, that's it Donny.

Let the "honest" ACTION plan begin

THERE IS NO STOPPING YOU, IF YOU WANT IT! Now, go and get it

Sapling

Good for you Donnylutz...It is a new life...If you work for it. I didn't do much fighting...Surrender to win for this alkie.

LDT

Every so called "cliche" ( other's word, not mine ) you've ever read or heard about sobriety..... is TRUE!!

Good luck on your journey Donnylutz!

OklaBH

Chrisy

I am so happy for you. Life is so much better clean. We will make it through the bad so that we can embrace the good. Love and Blessings,

chrisy

Zencat

Yep, when one cuts through all the methods, processes and arrangements of recovery programming it gets down to 'don't drink no matter what'.

IndaMiricale

Welcome to the good times.

CarolD

Yes....my successful recovery did require many positive changes....so
glad you are moving forward...

Dee74

I hope this can be your turning point Donny - welcome back

D

Donnylutz

It's the oddest thing.............since I finally got honest with myself that I didn't like who I became when drinking.......I have had NO cravings and am feeling absolutely wonderful! I"m not naive enough to think this is it and I won't be tempted......but so far I'm enjoying this massively!

Did anyone come to a point where you were just fed up and were able to stop? I've "stopped" so many times before, but it's never felt like this. All the other times I felt weak and knew I would drink again. This time I feel so empowered and honestly don't think I will ever drink again.....

I think step one, admitting that you are powerless, is what I finally accepted. However, at least for me, once we admit that we are powerless, we gain so much power! We have control of our lives.

I just hope this continues and I actually feel like it will. Going to AA and continuing outpatient treatment is just reinforcing what I already know......I am an alcoholic, and always will be, but at the end of the day I am also allergic to strawberries.......so I don't eat strawberries......and now I don't drink.

Best of luck to all.........

Donnylutz

Dee74

I got to the point I got fed up and was able to stop Dionny - but even then the way wasn't easy...

I'm really glad you're going great, and ,y advice is revel in it

I'm not wishing bad things on you at all...but yeah, there will be times you'll be tested again...if my experience is any guide, it's inevitable, I'm afraid...

The good news is - if you're ready for that, you'll be fine Donny

D

DisplacedGRITS

Hey Donny and congrats! Yes, i got to the point where i just gave up. My body was physically giving up (i kept nearly fainting from mixing my meds and alcohol, my BP was so low) and my spirit gave up. I think i died that night. The next morning i woke up and i was exhausted and defeated and i knew that alcohol had finally won. So i started going to AA and admitted my defeat and that i was powerless against alcohol and new life bloomed in me that day. From that day, the compulsion, the desire to drink has been gone. There has been temptations and i have caught myself making deals with the drink in my head but it never lasts long and when it passes i can roll my eyes at my AV, shake my head and move on.

Keep being honest. I've found that if i ever feel like being dishonest, at the root of that dishonesty is some aspect of my addiction. Honesty will set and keep you free!

Sapling

For me step one I admitted I had no power...The rest of the steps I got that power...Don't forget the other 11. Do you have a sponsor yet?

Ranger

Donny - From what you say, I believe my "aha moment" was similar to yours in clarity and intensity.

I was done, d-o-n-e, DONE. I'd never read anything from AA when it happened, yet when it my moment came I embraced Step 1 in a death-grip bearhug.

Power through powerlessness. Yeah, I get it...loud and clear.

Good job, Friend.

Zencat

Empowered and regaining control of what direction I will take my life. What a wonderful realization it was when I could see the true nature of who I am and I'm a lot like you .

Keep up the progress!