mwstylee

I've been invited to a client's party next weekend and it is BYOB. I've been to this guy's annual party before- most people bring about a dozen bottles of beer and it all gets thrown into a bathtub full of ice and it's a free for all. What do you guys do?

I...
-don't want to drink alcohol
-don't want to go through the awkwardness of showing up empty handed & then further awkwardness of having to explain that I'm not drinking so I didn't bring anything
-don't want to look like a cheapskate

Skipping the party is a possibility, but I'd rather not. The networking & camaraderie is kind of important for this account.

Dee74

I think about it carefully before I went. How much networking can you reasonably do if everyones blitzed anyway?

If you feel you need to go, have an escape plan.

me? I'm a rare party goer now, but when I do I bring soft drinks. I drink those soft drinks. I don't touch anyone's soft drinks or anyone elses alcohol

Noones ever paid any attention to what I bought along.

D

cindy10

Make a dish for the party and bring what you want to drink!

Someguy23

You can also bring a nice bottle of wine, leave it on a table and drink water...

If you bring beer, people will expect you to walk around with a beer in your hand, but nobody will expect you to walk around with a wine bottle in your hand.

JustARide

Bring a full case of pepsi!

Deserto

I went to a Christmas party this past December and brought a case of sparkling waters....

... and the amazing thing was how popular they were! There were so many people there who were thankful for a non-alcoholic alternative (which the host hadn't provided).

If you don't want to appear a cheapskate, make them San Pelegrinos or Evians... or Cindy's advice is great and bring an appetizer as well.

Dee74

The way I figure it I'm a non drinker - I don't need to appease anyone else or compromise myself by bringing alcohol - I also think buying alcohol would be a very bad idea for anyone in early recovery.

D

JustARide

An alternative is a great idea. This is a clients party, not a frat party...so even with a BYOB, I'd imagine there will be at least a few people who aren't looking to get totally s-faced??

Someguy23

I agree with you there's some danger in buying alcohol, although I fail to see how it is more dangerous to buy a bottle of wine than to spend an evening at a party where alcohol will be available and where there will be social pressure to drink...

I rather disagree about the appeasement part, I prefer to slither around social conventions that make me uneasy than to challenge them.

That being said, it depends a lot on how strong a convention it is in your social circle for partygoers to drink or at least bring alcohol.

kittycat3

Yeah, bring soda or bubbly water? Nobody will think you're a cheapskate, unless you show up with nothing and end up wasted! If you don't feel comfortable saying you don't drink then either skip or say you are on your way somewhere else. Gives you a good reason to skip the booze, do your networking before everyone gets tipsy, and also have an early escape plan!

LDT

BYOB for me means 'bring your own bottle.......of Perrier'

sissy07

I would just bring something non-alcoholic.....if anything, to make sure that I have something to drink! If you are like me, I have been surprised at how little people care if I drink or not. Any one that asks? I am on medication that doesn't mix with alcohol. (That is true...my anti-depressants did not work well until I quit drinking.) Have fun, and leave if you start to feel cornered.

Dee74

I don't want to hijack the thread but I think some of your points need response SG,

I know when I was newly sober I had no business going into bottle shops and no business carrying around bottles of liquor. You'll notice I advised against the party too...

I'm glad I did it that way

Well part of the reason I drank for so long was my desire to please people, not to rock the boat, and 'slither around social conventions'.

It did me no good in the end.

I slithered enough over 20 years - I'm not universally popular anymore but I can deal with that - I couldn't before when I was drinking.

It worked for me - you may indeed find a different way to deal with these situations SG.

sorry for the tangent mwstylee
D

ExBudGal

I agree with the other comments, bring whatever you wish to drink. If you really need a reason, tell them you are driving or on medication. The medication explanation has worked for me quite a bit lately.

Anna

I agree with Dee one hundred per cent.

I have no interest in appeasing other people's ideas of socializing anymore. That was part of my problem that led to drinking. I worried too much about what others thought.

DisplacedGRITS

I bring something different. Something other than the diet sodas that are going to be around. Usually a mineral water or something to mix and make Italian sodas. Lots of times other people ask me if they can have some as well and i make sure i bring enough to share.

EXM6

I honestly don't think people care as much as you think they do. Sure there will always be the people who are like "you DON'T drink??" like you have two heads... I often wonder about these people because most people could care less what other people drink. Just so you know, a lot of people react like that when I tell them I don't like sushi either (I have absolutely no idea why) -- I think we're just sensitive about the drinking comment because we know we CAN'T drink, it isn't a matter of just not liking it.

Honestly, give it a try... Go in a room and tell them you don't like puppies or peanut butter... Bet you'll get the same reaction as when you tell people you don't drink. Just a little bit of perspective on the matter. I plan to tell people I'm allergic when I'm put in that situation, I've done it in the past and it works like a charm.

oh2exhale

Hi MWstylee-

This is like going to the trenches. Lots of great advice here, I like the sparkling water idea. Keep in mind, you must be strong in your personal convictions to not drink, no matter what. I strengthen my resolve in these situations by realizing what a mental edge I have sober. I also walk around carrying my chilled diet coke poured into a wine glass,(no ice) it looks like red wine to others so no one ever asks. If you attend AA, go to a meeting first. Stay the course!

IllNeverTell

A couple people touched on it, but in these situations I think it is a good idea to bring something "different." Depending where you live you might not have as much access to variety, but it's always fun to take glass bottle coke or pepsi, a craft ginger beer or something else that is has both a "fun" factor to it and is non-alcoholic. Trust me, if you bring a case of glass bottle coke people will be instantly clamoring for them over drinking another can of Coors Lite.

Luling

I would bring several different flavors of Snapple. I love Snapple. :-)