dbh

I always find myself posting here when I'm struggling. I should make an effort to also post when things are going well.

After having a fairly decent week and weekend, I found myself in a funk last night and this morning. I'm usually good at figuring out my triggers, but nothing stands out this time.

It's a busy time of year and I'm feeling stressed. Instead of attacking items on my "To Do" list, I'm feeling sorry for myself and at the same time blaming myself for not getting more done.

The critical parent inside my head is pointing out all my flaws - I SHOULD keep the house cleaner, I SHOULD respond to email in a more timely manner, I SHOULD feed my children healthier food, ... (just a small sample from this morning).

Instead of giving into this mood, I'm trying to be "parent" myself through these emotions. I'm trying to accept that highs and lows are part of life. Just because I'm feeling low, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong or that I need to fix things. I'm reminding myself that "The difference between a bad day and a good day is usually one day!"

I'm also looking for things that will help me through - I've posted a bit here, had a good breakfast, plan to exercise, walk the dog, and write a bit in my journal. I haven't written a gratitude list in awhile. This feels like a gratitude list sort of day.

On days when I'm feeling like this, I wonder how much to blame on my upbringing and how much to blame on my chemistry. I wonder if my parents' behavior and addictions were due to self-medicating untreated mental problems.

I was wondering what everyone else does to get through the bad days.

Thank you for letting me share.

db

Kialua

I tend to overeat but have been on a pretty good diet the last 6 months or so. Food was the only highlight in my foo. That and our 2 week vacation to the lake and farm. Now when I feel like it I will take off for a day to the boundary waters great lakes, that always soothes me.

Tunie

I too recently went through a "bad day"s phase. And not unlike you, I could not identify what triggered it.

When I get in that mood, everything that usually works to change my thought patterns has no impact. It's like one of those dreams where you feel like you're being chased. You being to run from it, but trip over your feet. Then you stand back up and trip again and again and again.

The best thing for me to do when I feel similarly is to accept it. To wait it out. To know that this is just one of those things that will lessen in frequency and length over time. If your funks are anything like mine, they probably have improved since you've started recognizing them and working on yourself.

This too shall pass!

ACOAHappyNow

I'm so sorry you are going through a down time. The self-criticism does seem to be part of being an ACOA - we can never be perfect enough. We don't dare ever relax and just enjoy things. And depression can be a natural result of a childhood that didn't feel safe and comforting.

I hope that you feel better soon. You are doing good things for yourself, and I hope tomorrow you will feel better!

dbh

I can relate. Food and getting lost in television shows usually helps to numb my emotions. This is how I learned to escape as a child.

Now that I'm an overweight adult, I need to find healthier alternatives.

I wish I lived closer to a beach/lake. I find water very soothing too.

Thank you everyone!

db

DesertEyes

I've heard in meetings that the only "should" that is acceptable for an ACoA is:

You should not "should" on yourself

I have a lot of trouble with "parenting myself". For example, I have to take medications for my various ailments. Lots of medications. I find myself not wanting to take them, even though I know I will feel much worse if I don't. I can sit there and argue with myself all day.

But if I ask myself "What would you do if you had a 7 year old child with you? Would you _not_ give him his meds because you are feeling denial about his illness?"

Oh boy, that snaps me out of it. I am very good about taking care of others, so I use that skill in a roundabout way to take care of me.

I've given up on that. My parents and their insanity is the reason why I have my share of "baggage". The person who has the ability to let go of the baggage and quit carrying it around is _me_. Which is why I do all the ACoA "stuff" we talk about here. I hold on to the baggage with my mind, and by doing all the techniques, such as "parenting myself", excercising, meditating, I keep my mind focused on healthy thoughts and not on the baggage.

"Nike therapy" works well for me too. I have days where I do _not_ want to get out and interact with people. I just want to stay in my apartment by myself. I know that is bad for me, so I go out _anyway_. Even though I don't want to.

Just do it. Like the old Nike commercials about health and excercise and sports.

Mike

dbh

"Just Do It"

Yes, these are words that help.

When I was in my twenties, I was still deep in my own dysfunction and denial. My life was intertwined with my family of origin and I was going from one bad relationship to the next. My "funks" would last for days and I would become obsessed with fixing myself and my life.

I would sometimes stay up all night reading self-help books. I was desperately searching for the key to all my problems. I was looking for a quick fix and literally overnight solution.

It's funny, I can't even remember the names of the books I was reading during that period of my life.

There was something that I did read in one of the books that stuck with me though ... "It's impossible to think yourself out of a bad mood."

As an ACA, I am sometimes guilty of over-analyzing every move I make. I think it comes from being frighten of making a wrong move or decision. Mistakes weren't tolerated in my family of origin.

Anyway, I try to remind myself that isolating and analyzing will not help when I get in a funk.

I do have to get out and "Just Do It" :-)

Had an okay day today. Just kept trudging through and did manage to get a couple of things done.

Thank you my SR friends!

db

Kialua

Oh yes, I have totally gotten lost in TV, that is from my foo too. I waste hours on end with tv, the things I could do instead but I don't. It's my addiction to have it on all the time. But I am alone most of the day and I don't like the radio anymore. so...