Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Mi
Posts: 20
Thank you
I am new to this site, and brand new to any type of forum. I have spent the last 8 or so hours reading post after post. The members here have given me extra strength and courage i need in their words to others, and stories of over coming.
Im currently in the process of leaving my AH, we have a young son together (9 months). I have spent the last 12 years with him, married just about 5. From what i can gather, he has been using on and off for just over 5 years. We have been on the rollercoaster since I discovered he relapsed, I found out in December, he relapsed in July. I have moved out, back in, forced treatment, drug test, everything I have thought to do. His ability to lie and manipulate is blindingly skillful. The fact that I was so hopeful made me be at the ready to accept his lies. My very first mothers day, i caught him shooting up in the laundry room. I had never thought he could do that with his son in th next room. That was it, I made him leave. At this point, my son is with my mom, 200 miles away, until this weekend when I can load up a Uhaul and be there with him.
Im so sad, scared, lonely, guilty, angered, and probably a million more emotions at once. Since mothers day, i have been alone, i have seen my mom for 45 minutes to drop the baby off. This forum has giving me so much strength and reenforcement. Im so happy to have stummbled upon it, so thank you all for strength
Im currently in the process of leaving my AH, we have a young son together (9 months). I have spent the last 12 years with him, married just about 5. From what i can gather, he has been using on and off for just over 5 years. We have been on the rollercoaster since I discovered he relapsed, I found out in December, he relapsed in July. I have moved out, back in, forced treatment, drug test, everything I have thought to do. His ability to lie and manipulate is blindingly skillful. The fact that I was so hopeful made me be at the ready to accept his lies. My very first mothers day, i caught him shooting up in the laundry room. I had never thought he could do that with his son in th next room. That was it, I made him leave. At this point, my son is with my mom, 200 miles away, until this weekend when I can load up a Uhaul and be there with him.
Im so sad, scared, lonely, guilty, angered, and probably a million more emotions at once. Since mothers day, i have been alone, i have seen my mom for 45 minutes to drop the baby off. This forum has giving me so much strength and reenforcement. Im so happy to have stummbled upon it, so thank you all for strength
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Over the river and thru the woods
Posts: 69
Keep reading and posting! When I first came on this board I felt beaten and broken. Amazing what an online board can do for your strength. I really enjoyed Alanon and met great people but reading and posting here reinforced what I was learning in Alanon. Keep the faith and stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Mi
Posts: 20
Thanks everyone. This has been so difficult, as many of you know. My AH knows exactly what to say to doubt myself and my decisions. It is taking every bit of my being to keep moving with my plan. Now he is threating to file for a divorce before i have a chance to move so there will be a 100 mile radius set in place. All of my family are located 200 miles away, only my husband and his sister are where we currently living. I truely believe that moving to where my son and I will have stability and support will be the best thing. This is all so heartbreaking. I just know that my son can not be raised in this way. Poor guy is already dispositiond to addiction (my father is also a drug addict/alcholic). I also have to look at what kind, if any, cycle might be in place. I never thought i would be with an addict, after all my family went through with my father, but here I am..... As my mother was before me, and her mother before her
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so glad you joined us and have found some comfort here.
My prayers go out for you and your son, that you can stay strong and on a healthy path. Bless you for putting your son's welfare first...children are the innocent victims and need someone to be their voice and keep them safe.
Hugs
My prayers go out for you and your son, that you can stay strong and on a healthy path. Bless you for putting your son's welfare first...children are the innocent victims and need someone to be their voice and keep them safe.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Stayingtough))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I am sooo glad to hear that you are putting you and your son first.
FWIW, I'm both and RA and a recovering codie. I turned to drugs because I couldn't deal with my A.
I lurked here for 2 years, finally signed on and it's the best thing that I ever did. Your AH may be "quacking" about divorce. I suggest you keep reading. There are many moms and dads here who have been through what you're going through.
Will he actually file for divorce? I don't know. I know that if you document his behavior, it would be in your favor. I also know that many spouses go through the legal process to get partial custody, may follow through for a little while, then let it go. It's like a power issue.
He's mad because he isn't getting his way...total A behavior. When we are active? We act like 2-year-olds, throwing a temper tantrum. I did it, I was ticked because I wanted to keep using AND have control. It didn't work. Consequences built up, I got sick of it, I chose recovery. Not every A does that.
Keep taking care of you and your child. Keep reading and posting here, maybe check into al-anon or nar-anon (there are usually more al-anon meetings than nar-anon, but you'll get support in either).
I also had to look into why I chose addicts. I wasn't raised with addiction, I think I was BORN a codie (certainly wasn't raised that way), but the F&F forums have helped me see why I've chosen A's, and how to NOT do that any more.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
FWIW, I'm both and RA and a recovering codie. I turned to drugs because I couldn't deal with my A.
I lurked here for 2 years, finally signed on and it's the best thing that I ever did. Your AH may be "quacking" about divorce. I suggest you keep reading. There are many moms and dads here who have been through what you're going through.
Will he actually file for divorce? I don't know. I know that if you document his behavior, it would be in your favor. I also know that many spouses go through the legal process to get partial custody, may follow through for a little while, then let it go. It's like a power issue.
He's mad because he isn't getting his way...total A behavior. When we are active? We act like 2-year-olds, throwing a temper tantrum. I did it, I was ticked because I wanted to keep using AND have control. It didn't work. Consequences built up, I got sick of it, I chose recovery. Not every A does that.
Keep taking care of you and your child. Keep reading and posting here, maybe check into al-anon or nar-anon (there are usually more al-anon meetings than nar-anon, but you'll get support in either).
I also had to look into why I chose addicts. I wasn't raised with addiction, I think I was BORN a codie (certainly wasn't raised that way), but the F&F forums have helped me see why I've chosen A's, and how to NOT do that any more.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Mi
Posts: 20
Thanks for all your encouraging words. AH is currently trying to detox himself in his sisters basement, i never want to underestimate him, but i think it would be nothing short of a miracle for him to pull it together enough to file for a divorce and serve me by saturday. I truely hope this is it for him, but reading here reminds me that it takes a lot more than detoxing to recover. Idk what his plan is to stay clean, im doubtful that he will remain clean for long. Im not sticking around anymore to find out. Although the craziest thing is, I actually still care about what he thinks aout me. I dont want him to hate me for moving our son 200 miles away. Its amazing the power he has over me, but at this point there are to many people involved to let me stay. Pretty sure my brother and BEst friend will drag me out of that house if they have to lol. I have an overwhelming amount of support, thank God. I know what i have to do, it is just so hard doing it. I work 24 hour shifts, today and friday, i get a uhaul saturday.... Somehow i will find strength to power through and just do it. Ill tell you one thing though, i never realized ow strong i could really be until I became a mother
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Use the insane cruelty of the Mother's Day to help you remember how bad it is, turn it around and make it work in your favor...to free yourself.
I finally really left my ex (after repeated tries) when he went out and used on Valentines night...rolled out of bed with me to go use. Nice!!! Jayzus.
I know it's just a label on a day, but you know what? it helps. it's a marker. I don't want any more days like that in my life...hallmark holiday or not.
I wish you a lifetime of lovely Mother's Days ahead, with healthy happy caring people surrounding you in light.
I finally really left my ex (after repeated tries) when he went out and used on Valentines night...rolled out of bed with me to go use. Nice!!! Jayzus.
I know it's just a label on a day, but you know what? it helps. it's a marker. I don't want any more days like that in my life...hallmark holiday or not.
I wish you a lifetime of lovely Mother's Days ahead, with healthy happy caring people surrounding you in light.
Just Keep Swimming
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 75
I'm glad you had the courage to post and get your son out of that situation.
I second what Impurrfect said about documenting your AH's behavior. In case he would file for divorce (or you would file) at some point it will be helpful to keep a journal with dates and details on incidents that happened. I even log text messages from my AH as he commonly tries to manipulate me that way. Whenever I feel weak I look back on the journal I keep to remind myself of the crazy life I chose to walk away from, and it keeps me from going back.
I'm sorry you had such a rough mothers day. Things will get better. Stay strong and keep posting!
I second what Impurrfect said about documenting your AH's behavior. In case he would file for divorce (or you would file) at some point it will be helpful to keep a journal with dates and details on incidents that happened. I even log text messages from my AH as he commonly tries to manipulate me that way. Whenever I feel weak I look back on the journal I keep to remind myself of the crazy life I chose to walk away from, and it keeps me from going back.
I'm sorry you had such a rough mothers day. Things will get better. Stay strong and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Ur awesome! Now the trick is to only look ahead. U seem so strong, I bet u don't feel strong but healthy u is still in there somewhere wanting u and ur family to be happy. U made some very smart moves. Keep it up!
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