Third Time's a Charm?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Third Time's a Charm?
This will be the third time that I am posting as a 'Newcomer'. No, I'm not a newcomer to this site but I'm once again trying to be a newcomer to sobriety.
Here's my alcohol breakdown:
I've been drinking steadily since I was 22 and I'm 27 now. Alcoholism runs in my family (my Dad is in recovery, my brother is suffering, my aunt passed away from cirrhosis and my grandfather was an active alcoholic up until a few years of his passing). I did not drink at all until I was 21, because of the effects I saw that it had on the people around me. When I was 22, my Grandma passed away. Two months later, my Aunt passed away. Five months later, my Grandpa passed. I know that I abused alcohol as my coping mechanism.... but I just never got over it. I never coped. I know what I need to do to help "fix" my emotions but drinking is so much easier. At least 5 nights a week, I drink until it's time to go to sleep and then I sleep until I have to work. I wake up, work for 8 hours, come home, and repeat.
I'm a smart girl. I have a degree and an MA. I have a job (which I'm luckily able to maintain) and I love to be social but my body is so fixed on alcohol that I choose to come home and drink every night instead of going out and spending time with friends. I'm smart but I am so stupid in the things I decide to do.
I think I'm struggling most within myself. My Dad has been sober for 9 years because he decided to stop on his own. He didn't go to treatment, he didn't go to meetings... he literally just woke up one day and knew it was time for him to be sober. I want to do that. I want to be sober so why can't I just control myself like that? I don't want to go to meetings. I don't want to admit that I have no control over my drinking. I know that I need the help, but I really just want to find the help within myself.
Here's my alcohol breakdown:
I've been drinking steadily since I was 22 and I'm 27 now. Alcoholism runs in my family (my Dad is in recovery, my brother is suffering, my aunt passed away from cirrhosis and my grandfather was an active alcoholic up until a few years of his passing). I did not drink at all until I was 21, because of the effects I saw that it had on the people around me. When I was 22, my Grandma passed away. Two months later, my Aunt passed away. Five months later, my Grandpa passed. I know that I abused alcohol as my coping mechanism.... but I just never got over it. I never coped. I know what I need to do to help "fix" my emotions but drinking is so much easier. At least 5 nights a week, I drink until it's time to go to sleep and then I sleep until I have to work. I wake up, work for 8 hours, come home, and repeat.
I'm a smart girl. I have a degree and an MA. I have a job (which I'm luckily able to maintain) and I love to be social but my body is so fixed on alcohol that I choose to come home and drink every night instead of going out and spending time with friends. I'm smart but I am so stupid in the things I decide to do.
I think I'm struggling most within myself. My Dad has been sober for 9 years because he decided to stop on his own. He didn't go to treatment, he didn't go to meetings... he literally just woke up one day and knew it was time for him to be sober. I want to do that. I want to be sober so why can't I just control myself like that? I don't want to go to meetings. I don't want to admit that I have no control over my drinking. I know that I need the help, but I really just want to find the help within myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by misserin 
he literally just woke up one day and knew it was time for him to be sober. I want to do that. I want to be sober so why can't I just control myself like that? I don't want to go to meetings. I don't want to admit that I have no control over my drinking. I know that I need the help, but I really just want to find the help within myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: US
Posts: 55
Hi misserin,
I also had multiple alcoholics in my family before me, and it has been clear to most of us in the family that this a problem that seems come easy to us. I also consider myself a pretty smart guy, first in my family with a degree, put my degree to good use and have succeeded, more than I could have hoped for, both professionally and with my own family.
I almost succeeded in giving everything up (though I'm still not counting myself out of the woods yet since I just quit in Jan and I'm still overcoming reprecussions.) I also just stayed home so I wouldn't have any interruptions in drinking. I was drinking to cope with anxiety.
And lastly, like you, I really didn't like the thought of meetings and I still don't. I did a few meetings in Jan and didn't like it. However, everything I read here and in other places told me that having a community was a very big help against going back to drinking.
I will definitely leave it to the people who are far more knowledgeable than I on these topics on this site, but so far I've managed to not drink, but for one day when I thought I was losing my job and was overcome with anxiety, with the help of this site and the conviction that I had to quit. But this, after A LOT of bad scenes and horrible mornings and emotional damage. I'm not saying this is the right way, but this has been my experience so far. The people in SR have reminded me why I stopped drinking and I've also picked up more honest views myself and other things. Perhaps I could have quit sooner and with less damage with the help of meetings, but I feel good about staying sober now and don't have the urge very often and certainly not nearly as strong.
Best of luck to you!
I also had multiple alcoholics in my family before me, and it has been clear to most of us in the family that this a problem that seems come easy to us. I also consider myself a pretty smart guy, first in my family with a degree, put my degree to good use and have succeeded, more than I could have hoped for, both professionally and with my own family.
I almost succeeded in giving everything up (though I'm still not counting myself out of the woods yet since I just quit in Jan and I'm still overcoming reprecussions.) I also just stayed home so I wouldn't have any interruptions in drinking. I was drinking to cope with anxiety.
And lastly, like you, I really didn't like the thought of meetings and I still don't. I did a few meetings in Jan and didn't like it. However, everything I read here and in other places told me that having a community was a very big help against going back to drinking.
I will definitely leave it to the people who are far more knowledgeable than I on these topics on this site, but so far I've managed to not drink, but for one day when I thought I was losing my job and was overcome with anxiety, with the help of this site and the conviction that I had to quit. But this, after A LOT of bad scenes and horrible mornings and emotional damage. I'm not saying this is the right way, but this has been my experience so far. The people in SR have reminded me why I stopped drinking and I've also picked up more honest views myself and other things. Perhaps I could have quit sooner and with less damage with the help of meetings, but I feel good about staying sober now and don't have the urge very often and certainly not nearly as strong.
Best of luck to you!
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