How can you stop beating yourself up if those around you wont allow you to forget.
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
How can you stop beating yourself up if those around you wont allow you to forget.
One more topic I want to bring up before I spend the next six hours sharing my feelings in an acute partial hoapitalization program.
I have depression, drank to self medicate I know thats not uncommon. I am spending much of my time beating myself over guilt and I know that is not productive and the therapists at the hospital are beating me over the head with a hammer trying to understand this. My family and boyfriend continue to bring up the past. For example, on Sat. my sister asked me to watch her kids for the morning then changed her mind and told me the kids were coming with her and her husband. I found out at her husband didnt want me watching the kids. I felt so judged and rejected put me right in a funk and cried for hours. My dads gf tries to console me and said well maybe they worry if you fall asleep the kids could be in danger. What the heck????
The kids love me and I would never do anything to hurt them. Also, bc I have depression, and been hospitalized because of it my family treat me like I am sick. I am just like everyone else and I am working hard to control my depression and stay sober. My dad told me the other day that I should ask my psychiatrist for a brain scan and when I told the therapist and group members this they all got a laugh out of it.
I accept responsibility for my wrongs and those who I have hurt but I dont need my past brought over and over again as it cant be changed I can ohly work on the present. Can anyone else relate?
I have depression, drank to self medicate I know thats not uncommon. I am spending much of my time beating myself over guilt and I know that is not productive and the therapists at the hospital are beating me over the head with a hammer trying to understand this. My family and boyfriend continue to bring up the past. For example, on Sat. my sister asked me to watch her kids for the morning then changed her mind and told me the kids were coming with her and her husband. I found out at her husband didnt want me watching the kids. I felt so judged and rejected put me right in a funk and cried for hours. My dads gf tries to console me and said well maybe they worry if you fall asleep the kids could be in danger. What the heck????
The kids love me and I would never do anything to hurt them. Also, bc I have depression, and been hospitalized because of it my family treat me like I am sick. I am just like everyone else and I am working hard to control my depression and stay sober. My dad told me the other day that I should ask my psychiatrist for a brain scan and when I told the therapist and group members this they all got a laugh out of it.
I accept responsibility for my wrongs and those who I have hurt but I dont need my past brought over and over again as it cant be changed I can ohly work on the present. Can anyone else relate?
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Inner, I too have issues with addiction and depression. I too have experience with other people's reactions to these aspects of me.
Here are some things that I have found true in MY life.
People "giving me space", can be a good thing. A little freedom from responsibilities that I am not required to take can be a space I can use to address the responsibilities that truly are mine.
I can use this "space" to focus on recovery and getting well.
When I am still having a very hard time taking care of myself, I may truly not be ready to take care of another.
I have the right to say "no" to others, and they have the right to say "no" to me.
My life is more serene when I do not take ownership of other people's feelings or behaviors.
I am working on my sobriety. I am doing the things I can to address my bi-polar disorder. That does not mean I am fully healed or that all my issues have been wiped away. Accepting who I am means I am honest about what I can and cannot do. Honesty within myself, concerning myself allows me the space and perspective to put my energies where they need to be. I was recently tempted to take a job in a career I am well suited for. While, on paper, I have all the experience and qualifications to do the job, I realize that I don't have the stability and energy right now to make that kind of change in my life. This was a huge disappointment, but also a relief. Life often reminds me of my strengths and limitations just as it reminds me of the strengths and limitations of others. Good will and intentions will not instantly make me into who I wish I was, who I wish others would see me as, or who others might wish I will be. My past choices, behaviors and limitations are as real and valid as any other. The fact that I accept them means I accept the consequences of them as well, acceptance does not make them disappear.
Here are some things that I have found true in MY life.
People "giving me space", can be a good thing. A little freedom from responsibilities that I am not required to take can be a space I can use to address the responsibilities that truly are mine.
I can use this "space" to focus on recovery and getting well.
When I am still having a very hard time taking care of myself, I may truly not be ready to take care of another.
I have the right to say "no" to others, and they have the right to say "no" to me.
My life is more serene when I do not take ownership of other people's feelings or behaviors.
I am working on my sobriety. I am doing the things I can to address my bi-polar disorder. That does not mean I am fully healed or that all my issues have been wiped away. Accepting who I am means I am honest about what I can and cannot do. Honesty within myself, concerning myself allows me the space and perspective to put my energies where they need to be. I was recently tempted to take a job in a career I am well suited for. While, on paper, I have all the experience and qualifications to do the job, I realize that I don't have the stability and energy right now to make that kind of change in my life. This was a huge disappointment, but also a relief. Life often reminds me of my strengths and limitations just as it reminds me of the strengths and limitations of others. Good will and intentions will not instantly make me into who I wish I was, who I wish others would see me as, or who others might wish I will be. My past choices, behaviors and limitations are as real and valid as any other. The fact that I accept them means I accept the consequences of them as well, acceptance does not make them disappear.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
When I first got sober, I had tremendous problems with shame. And I had family members who rejected me, not because I was a drunk, but because I admitted I was a drunk and went for help. Kind of, "It's not the sins you commit, that matter, it's the ones you get caught at."
Anyway, I wasn't really able to come to terms with this, and achieve some peace, until I finally got the message that their opinion of me is [U]none of my business[U] and doesn't matter. I'm doing the best that I can do, in my current situation. I can't help what I did in the past but my present is, really, pretty good and that's where I choose to hang out.
I'd heard that in meetings for a loooong time before I, finally, came to really understand it.
Anyway, I wasn't really able to come to terms with this, and achieve some peace, until I finally got the message that their opinion of me is [U]none of my business[U] and doesn't matter. I'm doing the best that I can do, in my current situation. I can't help what I did in the past but my present is, really, pretty good and that's where I choose to hang out.
I'd heard that in meetings for a loooong time before I, finally, came to really understand it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
oh yeah, i can relate. when i got into recovery, it was hard for me to stop kickin myself in the but. i can now undestand why so many people were apprehensive when i started this journey. it wasnt the first time i stopped drinking, but now i was workin on changing me.
through a LOT of hard work,whenever something from my past is brought up, i can say," yes, i did that and yes, i used to be like that. i made my amends for it and i'm not like that any more.
but as stated it took T.I.M.E. and major changing of me to get to that point.
through a LOT of hard work,whenever something from my past is brought up, i can say," yes, i did that and yes, i used to be like that. i made my amends for it and i'm not like that any more.
but as stated it took T.I.M.E. and major changing of me to get to that point.
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