B.v.
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
B.v.
I have a fellow I sponsor I will call BV
He has had a lot of problems in the past year.His family has too.After 3 yrs sober,he relapsed on pills and ended up in the hospital about 1 yr ago.
Dang near died.In the last year he has found out
His brother was told he had a brain tumor.In the last 90 days he was told his Mom has stage 4 cancer.He was demoted at work and lost 8 bucks a hour on his wage.He is currently losing his house they have had for 16 years.
His wife confessed she has had 2 affairs of one year or more with 2 different guys.His Dad died.A pit bull attacked him ,biting him twice.
Last night,he found out his daughter was raped.
He called me today and was in pretty bad shape but sober and clean.
I sometimes wonder when and where it will all end for this guy and his family.
He is currently going thru the steps again writing out his 4th step.
I have had a couple of tough times sober,but nothing as bad as what has happened to "B.V." and his family.
when it rains,it really pours sometimes
He has had a lot of problems in the past year.His family has too.After 3 yrs sober,he relapsed on pills and ended up in the hospital about 1 yr ago.
Dang near died.In the last year he has found out
His brother was told he had a brain tumor.In the last 90 days he was told his Mom has stage 4 cancer.He was demoted at work and lost 8 bucks a hour on his wage.He is currently losing his house they have had for 16 years.
His wife confessed she has had 2 affairs of one year or more with 2 different guys.His Dad died.A pit bull attacked him ,biting him twice.
Last night,he found out his daughter was raped.
He called me today and was in pretty bad shape but sober and clean.
I sometimes wonder when and where it will all end for this guy and his family.
He is currently going thru the steps again writing out his 4th step.
I have had a couple of tough times sober,but nothing as bad as what has happened to "B.V." and his family.
when it rains,it really pours sometimes
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
Holy cow. Job might have had it easier than this fellow. This is one of those "pray your not put to the test" times.
At some point I imagine he'll get on and have a hell of a lot of experience to help others though. Just knowing a brother is enduring this and perservering is helping me.
Good Luck and God Bless the both of you.
At some point I imagine he'll get on and have a hell of a lot of experience to help others though. Just knowing a brother is enduring this and perservering is helping me.
Good Luck and God Bless the both of you.
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
ty
I forgot to mention his house was broken into about 1 1/2 yrs ago and a bunch of stuff was stolen..and the day he was dog bit,he got a 450.00 speeding ticket in a school zone
I am serious,all this has happened to this man
I forgot to mention his house was broken into about 1 1/2 yrs ago and a bunch of stuff was stolen..and the day he was dog bit,he got a 450.00 speeding ticket in a school zone
I am serious,all this has happened to this man
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
The guy has had HUGE losses and is at severe risk for depression and worse. He needs more help than you ALONE can provide. Urge him to see a professional mental health person, please. You might even look yourself for someone with a good reputation in the community before you make the suggestion to him, perhaps making sure there is an opening for him to be seen quickly. You do not need to disclose information about him, but just see if there was time available. If you suggest this to the guy be perfectly clear that this is in addition to his AA stuff and that you, in no way, will stop working with him. The last thing he needs is another loss.
I’m a little concerned about him dealing with difficult past things with his 4th step. He has WAY too much to deal with in the here and now. He needs support times 10.
Bottom line is that he needs to trust in God. I pray that God grants those around him the power to be helpful, and I hope all who read this do likewise.
I’m a little concerned about him dealing with difficult past things with his 4th step. He has WAY too much to deal with in the here and now. He needs support times 10.
Bottom line is that he needs to trust in God. I pray that God grants those around him the power to be helpful, and I hope all who read this do likewise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
Thanks Tommy. Miracles in action. Demonstrations like that shoot through whatever I'm currently up against...what doesn't He do?
And I go back into my third step...how would an Agent really act? Someone that's made a sincere decision in step 3?
" Nothing touches me but what my Father wants to touch me so bring the sh*t on! Whatever it is, bring it! God's about 30 feet tall, got my arm around his calf, He's got his hand in my hair saying I gotcha boy, go play! And boy I go play."
Mark H.
And I go back into my third step...how would an Agent really act? Someone that's made a sincere decision in step 3?
" Nothing touches me but what my Father wants to touch me so bring the sh*t on! Whatever it is, bring it! God's about 30 feet tall, got my arm around his calf, He's got his hand in my hair saying I gotcha boy, go play! And boy I go play."
Mark H.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I've been through some tough spots, including several bereavements, in sobriety and, mainly, my faith in a higher power has carried me through. Drinking has not come up as an option.
But AA has never claimed to be the answer to all things, and it is wise in these circumstances to seek outside help as Awuh1 suggests.
I found grief, which I am sure BV must be suffering, has a mind of its own and could take me to unfamiliar places. I found huge value in talking with a grief counsellor just in discovering that what I went through and how I was feeling was quite normal.
After my wife died I had some sessions with a psycholgist as well to see if we could dig out any unresolved issues from my past which might be affecting me - I often heard about this in AA. Nothing found but again it was very comforting to know that there was nothing wrong, as opposed to worrying that something might be wrong.
It's kind of you to post about BV and I will pray for him. If he can keep his faith and let God guide him through this, he will have much valuable experience with which to help others in the future.
But AA has never claimed to be the answer to all things, and it is wise in these circumstances to seek outside help as Awuh1 suggests.
I found grief, which I am sure BV must be suffering, has a mind of its own and could take me to unfamiliar places. I found huge value in talking with a grief counsellor just in discovering that what I went through and how I was feeling was quite normal.
After my wife died I had some sessions with a psycholgist as well to see if we could dig out any unresolved issues from my past which might be affecting me - I often heard about this in AA. Nothing found but again it was very comforting to know that there was nothing wrong, as opposed to worrying that something might be wrong.
It's kind of you to post about BV and I will pray for him. If he can keep his faith and let God guide him through this, he will have much valuable experience with which to help others in the future.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 56
I too agree professional help is needed at times. Here is my experience dealing with a heart breaker.
I have been with a sponsee for the past four years. She relapsed at 2 1/2 years. She stays in the fellowship and mostly stays sober. She has had a couple of one day relapses.
She turned 46 a few days ago. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a little over a year ago. Did a round of chemo. Started another round but it was doing more damage than good. She is now on no cancer meds. Other then she is very thin you would not know she is dying. She still functions pretty well.
She sees a therapist and takes the necessary meds for depression. A minister visits her once a week. She gets tremendous comfort from him. He is young and sounds very cool.
Then there is me. I go to her house once or twice a week. Believe it or not she is out and about frequently, so it is somewhat hard at this point to catch her home. We talk about everything. I listen to her fears. I don't try to fix, I listen. She likes the inventory process and we talk about what she learns in them. She cries sometimes. We laugh. Every visit we end up laughing about something. I enjoy her.
God put us in each other's lives for a reason. I pray for her peace of mind (and my own) if it be thy will. Through the grace of the 12 steps I show up.
I'll pray for BV.
I have been with a sponsee for the past four years. She relapsed at 2 1/2 years. She stays in the fellowship and mostly stays sober. She has had a couple of one day relapses.
She turned 46 a few days ago. She was diagnosed with lung cancer a little over a year ago. Did a round of chemo. Started another round but it was doing more damage than good. She is now on no cancer meds. Other then she is very thin you would not know she is dying. She still functions pretty well.
She sees a therapist and takes the necessary meds for depression. A minister visits her once a week. She gets tremendous comfort from him. He is young and sounds very cool.
Then there is me. I go to her house once or twice a week. Believe it or not she is out and about frequently, so it is somewhat hard at this point to catch her home. We talk about everything. I listen to her fears. I don't try to fix, I listen. She likes the inventory process and we talk about what she learns in them. She cries sometimes. We laugh. Every visit we end up laughing about something. I enjoy her.
God put us in each other's lives for a reason. I pray for her peace of mind (and my own) if it be thy will. Through the grace of the 12 steps I show up.
I'll pray for BV.
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