cc88

My grandfather died last week. His wake/funeral were Friday and Saturday. My AB borrowed a suit and got rides and was there for both days. For most, this is expected, but for him I guess its some kind of accomplishment?

He was high both days, obviously. His brothers and sisters know it but extended family who dont know the story all probably have no idea. He told my mom and dad he wanted to sit and talk with him, that he wasnt doing good. But yesterday my mom tried to call and he doesnt answer. I told her he probably felt bad seeing his family and loosing my papa and being high and felt spontaneous emotion making him think he wanted to get clean. Now that its back to life and he doesnt have to see the family, he'll stay in his corner and keep the status quo.

ANYWAYS

He's been on methadone since december. He told select people that the clinic told him to keep using heroin for a while while he was on methadone to avoid withdrawls. I don't believe that. I know he's been A. Using for the last 5 months and B. still asking for rides to/from the methadone clinic. I dont get it.

I guess my question is why would someone who is taking a steady dosage of methadone still use? Or rather, why would someone who obviously still wants to use heroin, TAKE methadone? Doesnt it weaken the effect of the drug? is there something about this that hasnt even occured to me?

I've found a certain amount of peace with all this and really dont think about it. When my mom needs someone to talk to im there for her, but I sometimes have difficulty explaining what doesn't add up in my head cause I have no better explanation.

thoughts?

Chino

Answering your first question, for the high. The clinics can easily up the dosage if it's not enough. The second question has variables. Could be lack of money for his DOC, could be availability, could be he's on the fence, etc. Regardless, he's not done yet.

Does your Mom use any recovery resources?

outtolunch

Only thing certain here is that the clinic is not telling him to use heroin.

For all anyone knows, he may not be active in a legal MMT program.

Nothing adds up in active addiction land.

cc88

My mom attends meetings and has come a very long way. Shes done blaming herself, giving him money/a place to stay/etc etc. The only thing she'l do is take him to the clinic. and say "i love you, but you're not fooling anyone"

cc88

he gets the money from work. He has a steady job. He's worked in restaurants for years and years. He's never really had a problem keeping a job. For some reason he's never stolen from us or conned my parents. He works hard for his money, he just shoots it all into his arm when hes done.

outtolunch

Some people hang out around clinics to make connections. My daughter was one of them. Getting dropped off at a clinic does not mean one is actively engaged in an MMT program. If he's using dope, it's highly unlikely he's active in the program. Many who are in MMT programs switch their substance of choice to non opiate based drugs or alcohol. Addiction is addiction.

Justfor1

My understanding is that it's hard to get the high from heroin if one is on methadone? I could be wrong but do know that methadone is a complex drug that people and doctors/specialists disagree about. One thing I do know is that people who take methadone & still want a high combine it with Xanex or benzo type drugs. It's a very dangerous combination. It seems kinda dangerous if he works in a restaurant & is high though. He could slip or burn himself, drop food tray ect.... while under the influence. But hey at least he is working.

cc88

the restaurant industry is dangerous for alot of reasons. Everyone I knew growing up who worked in a restaurant was high/drunk their whole shifts and if you hadnt slept with everyone who worked there you were probably just a new hire. He's in florida on an interview for a general manager job. I think if he gets the job and stays I'll probably never see him again.

Justfor1

cc, I worked in restaurants quite a bit and partying was a big part of socializing with co-workers. I'm surprised customers don't notice him itching, pin hole eyeballs, black circles under eyes ect....Although, addicts know how to hustle so he is probably good with the customers. He probably has insurance so perhaps he is selling his methadone "on the sly"??

cc88

Who knows. Im trying not to waste energy thinking about what on earth he MIGHT doing with methadone aside from taking it. If he isn't taking it. The only question I let my mind wander to is "is he getting clean" and the answer is no. There are literally infinity options he COULD be doing.

People cant usually tell because he is probably one of the most charismatic, likable, friendly and otherwise level headed guy you'l meet. I swear he would be president of the united states if he wasn't a heroin addict. What a waste. a true shame.

BUT

I'm sure all the moms on here can say that about their own. My mom says when he leaves she doesn't see her messed up 29 year old walking out the door she sees her 4 year old leaving for school, her 13 year old leaving for camp, etc. Hard enough as a brother I have no idea how you parents do it. Thanks for the insight everyone.

hades

This made me laugh. It's SO true! Reminds me of a quote:

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

illbewaiting

Well, I too have had to question WHY the HELL someone thinks it's okay/smart/acceptable,etc to continue using heroin while attending a methadone clinic. Doing both is emptying your pockets that much quicker, and raising the chance of overdose significantly. It's like a death wish, and I have tried to convey this to my fiance unsuccessfully on more than one occasion.
BUT I have seen this addiction described as a romance before, and that's how I think of it now.
It's like heroin addicts are having this toxic love affair with a sociopath.
For a lot of A's I guess it's like a romance with the needle.. and that's hard for me to imagine, but I think of it like this: I'm addicted to getting tattoos. I love hearing the buzz of the gun and the sensation of being tattooed.
It's not the same thing, but it's the only thing I can begin to relate it to I guess.
I guess it's different for everyone doing this.
Some people want to get clean but don't want to/arent ready to completely let go of the H.
Others don't care and want both highs?(I dont know that this is necessarily true)
I don't know, this is a pretty crappy response heh.
I guess I've just been trying to say that you're not alone in this at all.
It turned into a sloppy ramble though.
(hugs) I pray for you and your brother.