hades

My X's Mother, who is a crack addict (functioning, I suppose - she works and lives on her own) asked me to loan her money until next week. She asked me to please not mention it to X. X suspected she was asking me for money based on something SHE said and became furious at her. He demanded she tell him if she was pressing me for money. She denied it. They are both addicts, have an extremely dysfunctional relationship. For the record, I didn't loan any money.

I felt a little soft by my X's reaction ... maybe there is some respect for me. Maybe he is capable of expressing concern for others. Then I realized he could just be upset at his Mom for trying to take from his resources.

What do you think?

Today is day 1 of detox/program for X. He checked himself in last night. I have prayed for this day!

outtolunch

Is his name Xavier or is he your ex?

What either thinks about you, if they do, does not matter. They have no power over you.

I admire your position about no loans.

dollydo

I think that he is your ex and that you need to E X P A N D on that venue...the family is deep into addiction and manipulation...there is no future with any of them.

IMHO you need to go no contact and move forward with your life.

wicked

Yeah, in my experience an addict will protect their enabler.

I hope you are taking care of you, going to Alanon? A counselor?
I am glad you found Sober Recovery.

Beth

oops, I just saw it was April, but 2011.
Welcome.

KelleyF

I'm happy your prayer was answered ~ It's a good start for him ~ I will be sending a prayer out in hopes he takes full advantage of this opportunity.

hades

Thank you. If you look back and read my old posts, I was so naive and absolutely devastated by his addiction. In the last year I've been to therapy, school, ministry, keeping busy with me. Although I still post about him and keep in contact with him, I have moved forward. I am in a much better place and I have learned how to detach. I can't stress this enough for any of the new people. I used to read about it, but never experienced it. Nothing makes me cry anymore. Everything used to.

hades

He is my X boyfriend of 5 years.

TMZ

I think we should not try to make sense of an A motives. Because the disease affects there brains, and there way of thinking.

I think you answered your own question ; "Then I realized he could just be upset at his Mom for trying to take from his resources."



I am glad he is seeking help !!! This is a positive.

Now it is time to focus on you.

hades

And just like that ... he checked himself out. He spent less than 24 hours in this program.

KelleyF

So sorry Luv... Prayers aside... I guess he wasn't ready for it.
I hope (and will pray again) that he does find his way soon.
Addicts do recover no matter how dire their circumstances at any given point, so there is always hope. Very sorry for your pain.

wicked

Ah, hades,

:ghug3

less than 24 hours? I am sorry, but now is not the time for him.
But, it is always time for you.

Beth

fourmaggie

NOW is the time.....

hades

I haven't been in contact with him since I posted this. He disappeared after he attempted to screw me out of $ for a "prescription" that would "help" him get off heroin. I've been thinking a lot about WHY I stay in contact with an ex-boyfriend in active addiction. I texted him that I got 100% on a big test and he didn't even acknowledge me! Why do I even bother? I'm back in school and loving that I don't have time for his nonsense. Staying busy works for me because staying busy=staying away. And staying away keeps me sane. If he is all about him, then I need to be all about ME.

Ann

This is a good thing, to take your focus off him and ask yourself why you are drawn like a moth to a flame when he texts you.

Maybe I am just very old, but I don't text...ever. It seems to give anyone who ever knew you permission to interrupt your day, your thoughts and your serenity.

Life was better before texting. It was more peaceful.

Sorry for the old gal "ponder", I hope you keep your eye on your education and your beautiful future that awaits you.

Hugs

bunkie65

Hades... your story sounds very similar to mine in many ways. So glad you are focousing on you and doing good things for you. Yea you! Have you ever gone to an alnon meeting? It changed my life. I too have a strong faith in god that is why I loved alnon, because its a spiritual healing and awakening journey. Its an amazing program.... I too split with my ex 6 years ago and have two kids with him, he has had very little contact with our kids and me. For 4 years we talked only a couple times, I was angry still but let that go finally. Anyway, the past two years I've had more contact with him and have to guard myself and remind myself what active addiction looks like and sounds like. I get hopeful because I still care and can easily get sucked in. He throughs me a crumb and I want the loaf, and begin to expect it. When he is using and is still I can't have any expectations except that he is doing what active users do. I can't even send a text and expect one back. Sucks but true. I will loose my serinty and sainty expecting him to behave "normal" cause he is sick and can't. So I have to remind myself everytime I want to reach out to him weather to tell him about the kids or say I got an a on my test. If I expect anything back from him imnsetting myself up for failure and resentments and anger and frustration. So I don't reach out. He knows where we are and he knows I care, which is why I have to be very careful not to get sucked into any of his actions or words. Until he is in recovery and quits using anything is possiable with him, and chances are he is baiting me for something he wants or needs from me. I use to be his number 1 enabler. I just gave him 40 dollars I justified my actions cause last year I gave him 20 and he hunted me down and paid me back. I knew in my gut it was wrong but felt sorry for him, I got sucked in, his unemployment ran out and he needed dog food toilet paper etc. I knew his student loans we're coming in last week and he assured me he would pay me back... well quess what its been 2 weeks and not a word. I text him on easter to wish him happy easter and no response. Well I have not text him since and am chalking it up as a lesson learned. I had a moment of weakness. The old me would of text him sarcastic ship and acted like a raged fool. Today im letting go and knew better and will never give him another dime. So even though I work alnon I cn slip up im human and that's why I keep goinb back to keep workng on me and remember and learn what addiction is and does... prayers for you and loved ones.