Appt with Alcohol Counselor
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Appt with Alcohol Counselor
I'm 21 days sober today. Originally, I had committed to 30 days, but the closer it's gotten to 30 days, the more terrified I become. I actually almost drank last week because I wanted to go back to day 1, so I never would reach 30 days and wouldn't have to worry about whether I would drink again. Smart, right?!!!! I've been attending AA almost every day for two weeks now. Got a sponser, and am working Step One.
I spoke to my counselor, and she recommended I have an appointment with a drug/alcohol counselor. I met with her today. She pretty much told me what I already know: You fit diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse, but not alcohol dependence. You are still "in control" and thus, are not an alcoholic, but you probably shouldn't drink, and your alcohol abuse could turn into dependence in the future".
It's hard to even explain what I felt. You would think I would be happy right? I was just given a permission slip to drink. Do moderation. Use my excellent f!cking control skills....
So, yes, there was definitely a part of me that was thinking, I get to hit the bar in 9 days. ON THE OTHER HAND, I felt disappointed. What do you mean I'm not an alcoholic but I shouldn't drink? What the F!ck?
(sorry-I hope I'm not offending anyone...I'm a little pissed off right now). Non-alcoholics should be able to drink, right? Then, I felt disappointed because I felt like maybe I shouldn't go to AA anymore since I'm not an alcoholic. But, I'm getting something out of it. I addressed this with her and she said it is absolutely appropriate I am going to AA, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to identify myself as "Hi, I'm skip, and I have a desire to stop drinking". I feel like everyone thinks I'm a fake, or I'm in denial.
I just can't figure out why I'm SO upset that she said I wasn't an alcoholic. I don't want to be an alcoholic!!!!!! But as I've shared before, I feel like I don't deserve help if I don't have a "real" problem.
I'm in such a weird place right now...... reached out to my sponser, and a friend I met in AA, but still feeling weird.
I spoke to my counselor, and she recommended I have an appointment with a drug/alcohol counselor. I met with her today. She pretty much told me what I already know: You fit diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse, but not alcohol dependence. You are still "in control" and thus, are not an alcoholic, but you probably shouldn't drink, and your alcohol abuse could turn into dependence in the future".
It's hard to even explain what I felt. You would think I would be happy right? I was just given a permission slip to drink. Do moderation. Use my excellent f!cking control skills....
So, yes, there was definitely a part of me that was thinking, I get to hit the bar in 9 days. ON THE OTHER HAND, I felt disappointed. What do you mean I'm not an alcoholic but I shouldn't drink? What the F!ck?
(sorry-I hope I'm not offending anyone...I'm a little pissed off right now). Non-alcoholics should be able to drink, right? Then, I felt disappointed because I felt like maybe I shouldn't go to AA anymore since I'm not an alcoholic. But, I'm getting something out of it. I addressed this with her and she said it is absolutely appropriate I am going to AA, and the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, yadda, yadda, yadda.Do you know how embarrassing it is to identify myself as "Hi, I'm skip, and I have a desire to stop drinking". I feel like everyone thinks I'm a fake, or I'm in denial.
I just can't figure out why I'm SO upset that she said I wasn't an alcoholic. I don't want to be an alcoholic!!!!!! But as I've shared before, I feel like I don't deserve help if I don't have a "real" problem.
I'm in such a weird place right now...... reached out to my sponser, and a friend I met in AA, but still feeling weird.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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It is a progressive disease skip...She also told you if you keep drinking you'll get there...Is it worth that so you can get the title? Introduce yourself like this...I'm Skip...And I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous....Work the steps...Go to meetings...Don't drink....Unless you feel better about drinking till you can call yourself an alcoholic.....I wouldn't advise that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 43
I would say that only the individual actually knows if they are an alcoholic or not. It is not something that someone else, or a test, can tell you.
Deep down inside, or hidden under all the layers of "make believe" that we have in our heads.... We know better.
It is the thoughts and feelings that revolve around our "relationship" that we form with substance abuse. It is a very abstract feeling, but those of us who are alcoholics know that it is true.
Deep down inside, or hidden under all the layers of "make believe" that we have in our heads.... We know better.
It is the thoughts and feelings that revolve around our "relationship" that we form with substance abuse. It is a very abstract feeling, but those of us who are alcoholics know that it is true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
'Got a sponser, and am working Step One'
Then you'll find out yea or nay for yourself. That's an important matter for you to decide based on the facts of your life, it's not to be delegated to others who don't have access to all the information.
Then you'll find out yea or nay for yourself. That's an important matter for you to decide based on the facts of your life, it's not to be delegated to others who don't have access to all the information.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I'm surprised at the evaluation, actually. Because I don't see my non-alcoholic friends who aren't drinking for a while (training for a marathon, wanting to lose weight, taking antibiotics) going to AA. Or getting a sponsor. Or seeing a dependency counselor.
If you think you're an alcoholic, you probably are. I can only imagine the confusion I would have felt, after ALL the crap I went through and being as desperate as I was, if some counselor deemed me non alcoholic.
It's like being a hypochondriac, obsessing all the time about the diseases I might have and then having a trained professional tell me that I just worry a lot.
If you think you're an alcoholic, you probably are. I can only imagine the confusion I would have felt, after ALL the crap I went through and being as desperate as I was, if some counselor deemed me non alcoholic.
It's like being a hypochondriac, obsessing all the time about the diseases I might have and then having a trained professional tell me that I just worry a lot.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Skip,
As a recovering alcoholic (I am actually a 3 time winner!
) I read this:
and this:
Maybe according to a test you are physically abusing alcohol, and continued abuse will lead to dependence.
You already think like an alcoholic. You will abuse until you become dependent.
Do normal people fear alcohol? Think to themselves "Yeah, in 9 nine days, I can get hammered!" I am guessing that is what you mean by hit the bar, that is what my alcoholic mind says.
Obviously, I am not a doctor, just another drunk with an opinion.
Yep, your relationship with alcohol is full of problems. Keep going to AA.
It will only get better without the booze.
Beth
:ghug3
As a recovering alcoholic (I am actually a 3 time winner!
) I read this:
I'm 21 days sober today. Originally, I had committed to 30 days, but the closer it's gotten to 30 days, the more terrified I become. I actually almost drank last week because I wanted to go back to day 1, so I never would reach 30 days and wouldn't have to worry about whether I would drink again. Smart, right?!!!!
So, yes, there was definitely a part of me that was thinking, I get to hit the bar in 9 days.
You already think like an alcoholic. You will abuse until you become dependent.
Do normal people fear alcohol? Think to themselves "Yeah, in 9 nine days, I can get hammered!" I am guessing that is what you mean by hit the bar, that is what my alcoholic mind says.
Obviously, I am not a doctor, just another drunk with an opinion.
Yep, your relationship with alcohol is full of problems. Keep going to AA.
It will only get better without the booze.
Beth
:ghug3
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue 
I'm in such a weird place right now...... reached out to my sponser, and a friend I met in AA, but still feeling weird.
This, to me, is what it means in "How It Works" where it says "We stood at the turning point". This is where you, on faith, choose to carry on in AA or go back to where you came from.
You can do this the same as all us AAs did. Pray to God for faith and trust..... and choose AA.
And if you're not sure you are an alcoholic, just stay out there and try to manage alcohol. The truth will become self-evident shortly.
All the best.
Bob R
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by wicked
Skip,
As a recovering alcoholic (I am actually a 3 time winner!) I read this:
and this:
Maybe according to a test you are physically abusing alcohol, and continued abuse will lead to dependence.
You already think like an alcoholic. You will abuse until you become dependent.
Do normal people fear alcohol? Think to themselves "Yeah, in 9 nine days, I can get hammered!" I am guessing that is what you mean by hit the bar, that is what my alcoholic mind says.
Obviously, I am not a doctor, just another drunk with an opinion.
Yep, your relationship with alcohol is full of problems. Keep going to AA.
It will only get better without the booze.
Beth
:ghug3
As a recovering alcoholic (I am actually a 3 time winner!
) I read this:and this:
Maybe according to a test you are physically abusing alcohol, and continued abuse will lead to dependence.
You already think like an alcoholic. You will abuse until you become dependent.
Do normal people fear alcohol? Think to themselves "Yeah, in 9 nine days, I can get hammered!" I am guessing that is what you mean by hit the bar, that is what my alcoholic mind says.
Obviously, I am not a doctor, just another drunk with an opinion.
Yep, your relationship with alcohol is full of problems. Keep going to AA.
It will only get better without the booze.
Beth
:ghug3
This is totally my struggle. I am coming to believe that I DO think like an alcoholic. And that I am emotionally dependent on alcohol. So hearing someone say, no, you don't have a "real problem" feels like "no, wait!!! you don't understand". Even though I didn't really want her to say that I'm an alcoholic either. Such a freaking crazy place to be in my head right now.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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No counselor can tell you that you are or aren't an alcoholic. I'm glad to hear that you've been following through with the AA stuff. If you want to self identify as an alcoholic you sure can. It's your decision.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey skip -
I think if alcoholism was simply the result of a physical dependence, everyone could be cured in a couple days of detox and they'd be able to drink socially again.
It might help to know that the "experts" have redefined alcoholism many, many times. Even this current definition says "represents ONE approach":
I had the same reaction you did when a counselor told me he didn't think I was an alcoholic. I still remember it because it burned a hole in my brain and left me sitting on the fence. Later, after relapsing, I decided that if I wasn't an alcoholic, I was alcoholic enough for me. And really, the people in AA aren't worried about being technical. I guess you could say "I abuse alcohol" or you could tell them "I'm addicted to alcohol" if you want to, but for me it's all the same.
I think if alcoholism was simply the result of a physical dependence, everyone could be cured in a couple days of detox and they'd be able to drink socially again.
It might help to know that the "experts" have redefined alcoholism many, many times. Even this current definition says "represents ONE approach":
The DSM-IV diagnosis of alcohol dependence represents one approach to the definition of alcoholism. In part this is to assist in the development of research protocols in which findings can be compared to one another. According to the DSM-IV, an alcohol dependence diagnosis is:[13]
... maladaptive alcohol use with clinically significant impairment as manifested by at least three of the following within any one-year period: tolerance; withdrawal; taken in greater amounts or over longer time course than intended; desire or unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control use; great deal of time spent obtaining, using, or recovering from use; social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced; continued use despite knowledge of physical or psychological sequelae.
... maladaptive alcohol use with clinically significant impairment as manifested by at least three of the following within any one-year period: tolerance; withdrawal; taken in greater amounts or over longer time course than intended; desire or unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control use; great deal of time spent obtaining, using, or recovering from use; social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced; continued use despite knowledge of physical or psychological sequelae.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by artsoul
Hey skip -
I had the same reaction you did when a counselor told me he didn't think I was an alcoholic. I still remember it because it burned a hole in my brain and left me sitting on the fence. Later, after relapsing, I decided that if I wasn't an alcoholic, I was alcoholic enough for me.
I had the same reaction you did when a counselor told me he didn't think I was an alcoholic. I still remember it because it burned a hole in my brain and left me sitting on the fence. Later, after relapsing, I decided that if I wasn't an alcoholic, I was alcoholic enough for me.
BUT. I don't want to identify as alcoholic, forever, you know? I want to say, "I have alcoholic thinking and tendencies RIGHT NOW, but I can still drink some day in the long future".
Sorry I'm such a head-mess right now.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue
I don't like my behavior when I am drunk, when I think about it with a sober head the next morning.
.
.
Just something to ponder.
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 81
Me too, I am an occasional drinker but I have a problem controlling myself, not dependent though, so I don't post much on this board. I feel like people probably think I'm a poser round here....
It's almost harder to stop drinking when you know you don't have the "disease" yet or whatever... I think.
It's almost harder to stop drinking when you know you don't have the "disease" yet or whatever... I think.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Ainsley,
I would encourage you to post more. Obviously there are people out there like you and I. But we continue to feel all alone in our suffering because all of us feel like "fakers" or "frauds" for asking "a real alcoholic" for help.
All I've been clinging to is that AA says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I hate being the "different" person in group, not identifying as an alcoholic. Yet, it's been what is true for me right now. And I've been unconditionally accepted and cared for, which has been SO amazing. I'm still wondering why they haven't run away screaming, or decided that I was too much for them to handle.
I would encourage you to post more. Obviously there are people out there like you and I. But we continue to feel all alone in our suffering because all of us feel like "fakers" or "frauds" for asking "a real alcoholic" for help.
All I've been clinging to is that AA says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I hate being the "different" person in group, not identifying as an alcoholic. Yet, it's been what is true for me right now. And I've been unconditionally accepted and cared for, which has been SO amazing. I'm still wondering why they haven't run away screaming, or decided that I was too much for them to handle.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue
All I've been clinging to is that AA says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I hate being the "different" person in group, not identifying as an alcoholic. Yet, it's been what is true for me right now. And I've been unconditionally accepted and cared for, which has been SO amazing. I'm still wondering why they haven't run away screaming, or decided that I was too much for them to handle.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
And if you're not sure you are an alcoholic, just stay out there and try to manage alcohol. The truth will become self-evident shortly.
All the best.
Bob R
All the best.
Bob R
You have been stuck on the alcoholic label since you came here (first post)... put it this way... is alcohol causing/having negative situations in your life?
Yes/No
I hope all of the best for you regardless of what you decide to label yourself
You have great courage for taking this on head on
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Does a simple definition help:
Alcoholic - A person who drinks alcoholic substances habitually and to excess.
Yes/No
EDIT: If the answer is yes to the above question with the power vested in me I label you an alcoholic and give you the peace of mind to work your AA program wholly and guilt free ;-)
Alcoholic - A person who drinks alcoholic substances habitually and to excess.
Yes/No
EDIT: If the answer is yes to the above question with the power vested in me I label you an alcoholic and give you the peace of mind to work your AA program wholly and guilt free ;-)
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