Sapling

You can post all you want ainsley.....Nobody is going to think you are a poser...We're all in the same boat...Getting alcohol and drugs out of our lives...You're here....That's all you need to join here.

Spawn

This blows my mind!
This counselor is way out of line saying such a thing, she obviously has no clue how dangerous a statement like that can be. Determining whether or not you are an alcoholic is up to the individual going through it. Let me ask you this are you capable of having one drink and walking away? Or does a little voice inside you say just one more? Do you find yourself thinking about it a lot? Personally I would recommend a different counselor!

Hang in there you are doing great!

12skiptomylue

From Bob: "And if you're not sure you are an alcoholic, just stay out there and try to manage alcohol. The truth will become self-evident shortly."

The thing is, I don't want to stay at it until my life is ruined. I want to be done. Sort of. I mean there is always that other part of me that doesn't want to be "done" yet.

New Beginnings: "Alcoholic - A person who drinks alcoholic substances habitually and to excess.
Yes/No" This is where it gets complicated for me. Yes to habitually, not necessarily to excess though. Sometimes it really IS one or two, and if I haven't eaten, I can "feel it" at that point, get to my happy place and be done. Other times, it's 7-8, but that is more when I was going out.

Spawn: "Let me ask you this are you capable of having one drink and walking away? Or does a little voice inside you say just one more? Do you find yourself thinking about it a lot?"
Yes, I can have one drink and walk away. But this would be one (or more) per night. I've never left a half full glass and walked away. Why would anyone do that? I mean, I know people do, but it amazes me.
Usually, I only want to reach my "happy place". Occassionally, I want to get blasted, but the latter is more "usual".
Yes, I find myself thinking about it a lot. I got rid of all the alcohol in the house. The next day, I was mad that it wasn't there. I wasn't going to drink it, but I wanted it around in case I decided I wanted to drink it. It was like it was some sort of comfort.
Since I've quit drinking, I'm very aware when I am in places that serve alcohol (restaurants, some coffee shops). It becomes a battle in my head. (Hmm..I kind of want that. No, I can't have it. Why can't I have it? B/c you think you might have an alcohol problem. No you don't, you are stupid, etc, etc). Once I went over to someone's house, and they were drinking. I was very aware of what they were drinking, how fast/slow they were drinking, where they put their drink down, etc. I told the counselor that I don't feel in control of my head. All she said was, "right. and nodded her head".

And just for the record. This is not my normal counselor whom I love and is great but has no experience working with drug/alcohol issues. She referred me to this counselor I saw today for the "evaluation" of sorts. Although we didn't really do a full evaluation, we just talked.

And New Beginnings, you are right. I have been obsessed with the label since I have come here. And my sponser and other people in the program say this is pretty normal. AND, I haven't drank in 21 days. So I might be obsessed, but something is working.

Spawn

I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.

When I first got into recovery I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol, now I can't imagine a life with it. The only time I find myself thinking about it is when I'm sharing my experiences......I don't miss it. The first year was rough, the second year was better, once the post acute withdrawals calm down things do fall into place. I still go to meetings, because everyone I've seen go back out say they stopped going to meetings. "red-flag"

I've also been a funerals of those who thought they could control their drinking.

Alcoholism is serious and shouldn't be taken lightly.

sugarbear1

My friend has 20 years sober. His mom died of alcoholism. His father was given an intervention. The doctor checked him out and told him, "Well, you drink alcoholically, but I can't tell you that you are an alcoholic."

"You fit diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse, but not alcohol dependence. You are still "in control" and thus, are not an alcoholic, but you probably shouldn't drink, and your alcohol abuse could turn into dependence in the future".

She never said to drink in moderation! just cause you aren't physically dependent doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Wow.

Best wishes,

DayTrader

Maybe you are an alkie....maybe you aren't.

I had 2 psychiatrists who specialized in chemical dependencies tell me I wasn't an alkie either. Probably didn't help that I wasn't entirely honest with them. Then again, I wasn't entirely honest with MYSELF either.

AA uses some pretty simple criteria. Phenominon of craving (aka allergy) once you start, can't always stay stopped when you set your mind to it, spiritual malady during the times you are stopped.

I'm with Langkah.... even if they told you you WERE full-blown.......alllllways best to find your own truth through some honest seeking.

Spawn

OCDDan

That seems out of the ordinary for counselers, from my experience, they seem to make things sound worse than they really are. maybe they are trying a new aproach, where they figure if they tell you, you are an alcoholic, you'll run..

Cascabel

I'm pretty much the same as you and 12skiptomylue regarding drinking. I don't think that I am a full bore alcoholic but I have problems controlling how much I drink so I find it better to quit entirely than to try to manage my drinking. And, I don't like myself very much when I am drinking so I come here for support in keeping alcohol out of my life. It is a great place to find strength. I, too, don't post much here; I don't feel that I have too much to offer to those who have worse problems than mine.

I quit drinking once when I was in my 40's and was sober for over 30 years. I literally didn't think about drinking for most of that time. Then I started drinking again at a time when my wife was suffering from terminal lung disease; it seemed to be something we could do together. Well, my wife was the lucky recipient of donor lungs and her recovery has been nothing short of miraculous. Things are getting back to normal now and normal for me is sober. I have turned the corner, I am now sober for going on three months and, like in the old days, I just don't think about alcohol much any more.

I would like to give more support to others on this forum but, in fact, I have not had the problems that others here are having to face. I guess all that I can do is be cheerful and encouraging when I do post here

One final word though. If you have any concerns at all about your drinking habits, you would do well to try to break them. As I noted above, it is a lot easier to quit entirely than it is to try to manage something that may, in the long run, become unmanageable.

Sapling

You guys got to get this kind of thinking out of your head...This isn't a contest to see who has the biggest drinking problem....You have a problem you want to address....You are here....You have something to offer.....Think about the guy or girl...That hasn't posted on here at all because they aren't even sure they have a problem. You may say just what they need to hear...Post away!....It's good for everybody.

desertsong

"I actually almost drank last week because I wanted to go back to day 1, so I never would reach 30 days and wouldn't have to worry about whether I would drink again."

And what would this have proved to you?

"So, yes, there was definitely a part of me that was thinking, I get to hit the bar in 9 days."

Will you make it another 9 days? And what will you do if you do manage to get 30 days? Keep going or start drinking again?

"I want to say, 'I have alcoholic thinking and tendencies RIGHT NOW, but I can still drink some day in the long future.'"

Classic alcoholic thinking that leads many into relapse. It certainly did me ... several times.

"The thing is, I don't want to stay at it until my life is ruined. I want to be done. Sort of. I mean there is always that other part of me that doesn't want to be "done" yet."

You either want to be done or you don't. It may sound overly simplistic, but it IS that simple. Until you decide one way or the other, the door is always open to drink again.

"Yes, I can have one drink and walk away. But this would be one (or more) per night."

If you can stop at one drink and walk away, why is it one OR MORE per night?

"I got rid of all the alcohol in the house. The next day, I was mad that it wasn't there. I wasn't going to drink it, but I wanted it around in case I decided I wanted to drink it. It was like it was some sort of comfort."

Do you see the contradiction here?

"I was very aware of what they were drinking, how fast/slow they were drinking, where they put their drink down, etc."

A non-problem drinker doesn't care about any of these things and probably doesn't even notice them ... but alcoholics do. In fact we are almost hyper-aware of what, how much, how often, and how fast other people drink.

Not trying to beat up on you here, Skip, honestly. I feel for you. But I think your counselor has no idea what she is talking about. In reading your posts over the last few weeks, it seems to me that on some level you do believe you are an alcoholic but you just can't accept the "label." It's tough, I know. But acceptance is a huge part of recovery. All the "brain debates" you're having are not helping you decide whether or not to stop drinking - they are just confusing you more. I understand that because I, too, have a tendency to overthink and/or over-intellectualize everything and I make things more complicated than they need to be. What it really comes down to is whether or not you should drink or not drink. "Alcoholic" or not, you definitely have a problem. And if you have a problem with alcohol, it is only going to get worse over time. You're already thinking like an alcoholic ... it's a fairly short jump to becoming the real thing from there, if you aren't already.

I'm very glad you're going to AA, and you certainly are not a "fake." You have a desire to stop drinking (I think?) so you are always going to be welcome there. Work the steps, meet with your sponsor, and keep going to meetings. I really hope you decide to stay stopped ... I really sympathize with all you're going through right now and would hate to see you end up where so many of us have.

Praying for you and hope you hang in there, girl. Okay, enough out of me. The End.

12skiptomylue

I want to respond to all of you and say, deep down in my heart, I think you MAY be right. In fact, the appointment with the counselor (who is NOT my regular counselor, thank god!) actually made me more convinced that I have a problem!!! I just couldn't figure out if what she said was true, why my brain is so f!cked up right now.

I went out tonight with some people from AA after the meeting. I saw a drunk girl. My immediate thought was, "I want to be drunk too, please!". Then, the AA people started laughing about the stuff they did drunk/high, and I thought, "I want to be high too, please". And then someone brought up Jager, and I thought, "ohhhhhhhh. Jager. I like Jager".

I know this is not normal thinking. And desertsong, you are right, I don't need to continue the debate in my head.

Desertsong: you said this: "Alcoholic" or not, you definitely have a problem. And if you have a problem with alcohol, it is only going to get worse over time. You're already thinking like an alcoholic ... it's a fairly short jump to becoming the real thing from there, if you aren't already.

I agree that alcoholic or not, I DO have a problem. And I agree that it will only get worse if I continue down that road. And I also agree that it's not that far a jump to get to the "real thing". So yes, I admit all of that.

And then there is my head........."but people, even professionals, say I can do moderation. In fact, this crazy woman said, go 90 days, and most of the cravings will be gone, and then do moderation. You are still in control". I probably wouldn't say this to someone coming to see me questioning if they have an alcohol problem. But that's just me. Maybe I'm the crazy one!

I appreciate all of you all's support. I'm getting closer to my own answers. And for now, I still haven't taken a drink in 22 days. I'm meeting with my sponser tomorrow to continue step one. She had me do an alcohol history. I'm still doing the work. I'm still doing what feels right to me right now, and congruent with what it feels like I need right now. I'm even sharing at meetings, despite my intense anxiety. And I'm relying on people in the meetings. I've called people and hung out with people. I AM doing the work, despite all of my posts and questions of am I/ am I not? I must be getting somewhere, right?

langkah

You're not drinking and conducting a search for the truth of this matter based on your experience, getting good input from sober people and paying attention to the thoughts in your head, seeing how crazy they are where alcohol is concerned.

I've no suggestions, that's perfect.

Sapling

Whatever you want to call it skip...I'd say that's a great start....Congrats to you on 22 days!....And to many more to come....One day at a time.