PurpleWilder

Long story short, my neighbor in the building across the parking lot put some grass seed down in some bare spots - including in front of our building, in whch she does not live. Apparently she caught my daughter messing with it (DD is 12 and has ADD, so messing with things is kinda standard for her) and told her she was gonna cut her F*****g hands off if she caught her messing with it again.

I didn't hear that exchange - I was upstairs cleaning up as the kids were waiting on the bus. But I heard raised voices and by the time I got to the balcony, my daughter was bawling her eyes out and and my neighbor was calling her a liar for saying the ducks had already messed with it. Ten other kids waiting for the bus got to witness this sterling behavior and my daughter's subsequent humiliation.

So, I went over to this lady's neighbor and said, "Julie, what happened? I didn't hear it all." She said, "Well, Biata yelled at DD for messing with the seed..." and I said, "Thanks! That's all I need to know."

Then, I went over and knocked on that neighbor's patio door. She said come in but I didn't - just stuck my head in the door. I said, "Hey, what happened with the seeds?" And she repeated - IN FRONT OF HER OWN SIX YEAR OLD - "I told DD I was gonna cut her f*****g hands off...."

I kinda lost it at that point.

I took a deep breath and did a little roaring of my own. I am usually quite a mouse when it comes to confrontation (dysfunctional upbringing - y'all know what I mean) but I gave her a piece of my mind and then some. I'm sorry to say I did that in front of her daughter but I told her if she ever threatened my daughter again or my son she would be going to jail. She told me to get the eff out of her apartment.

So I did and went upstairs. But I.Was.Not.Done.With.This.

For once, I didn't curl up and take it. I didn't cry and hate myself. I got FOCUSED.

I called the cops and told them what happened. The squad car pulled up just as she was getting ready to drive her daughter to school. When she saw what was happening she attempted to drive around the squad car.

That didn't go over so well with the officer. She asked if she could leave to get her daughter to school and he said, "Nope. Park it and get out."

First, she tried to tell him that she was a foreigner and didn't understand what "threat" meant. Ummm...she speaks English as well as I do so that didn't float. Then she tried to say she was justified in saying that to my daughter. He curtly informed her that if he had been sitting around the corner in his squad car with his window down and heard her say it, she would have been cuffed and on her way to jail, with DCFS coming to take care of her daughter. Not to mention the seed was not in front of her building, she wasn't the landlord, and it wasn't her kid. Oh - and it was GRASS SEED we were talking about. And how if someone's kid is doing something that they shouldn't be, you go to the parents and say, "Hey, DD is doing (blank). Could you please talk to her about it? Thanks."

She STILL just kept going and going. He finally told her that he was gonna leave it to me - if I wanted to, I could file a complaint and she could go to jail right then and there. And she was STILL rude and confrontational with him. So he looked at me and asked me what I wanted to do.

I said, "I just want her to leave both of my kids alone. I don't want her to talk to them at all about anything."

He took our info and left. She left. I went upstairs and now I am a shaking, teary mess. I work nights and haven't slept yet so I am really quite a puddle right now.

But I roared when I needed to. I didn't let my dysfunctions keep me from doing what was right by my daughter, which I am ashamed to say I have done in the past. I learned tfrom my upbringing that you aren't supposed to get mad, you just curl up and keep it inside and get sicker and sicker.

But this tiime, I didn't. And that actually feels good. I am not lording over some type of victory over her - at least I don't think I am. I am more mulling over a victory over my own stumbling blocks in life.

Yeah, I'm rambling.

Anywho, I could really use some hugs if you have some to spare. Thanks for reading.

wanttobehealthy

Good for you for showing your daughter that you don't and won't tolerate abusive behavior. That woman sounds insane and it's remarkable to me that the cops didn't choose to arrest her themselves (guess I am a little sensitive to that at the moment).

I think you'd be well within your right to file and get a RO so that you can be damn sure she won't go near your D or you again. I wouldn't trust her to not harass your daughter at a time when she thinks she can get away with it and a RO would surely be granted given the witnesses and the police report itself. That way IF she does mess with you guys again, you have recourse.

You were brave and strong and amazing and you did great!!!!!! Your daughter is lucky to have you!!!!

PurpleWilder

The officer said an RO is usually only entered in domestic cases but I could file an official complaint if anything else happens.

DD didn't see the part with the police officer. By that time she was already on her way to school on the bus, crying after getting a verbal beat-down in front of 10 of her friends.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm starting to get mad now.

I do have to make it VERY clear to both my kids that they can't go anywhere near her patio, apartment or her side of the building. I don't even want them to go behind their building, because this nutjob could do something to one of them and without a witness it would just be her word against that of a child.

Florence

It's okay that your daughter didn't witness it. When you talk to her about it later, reaffirm that she was right to feel angry, upset, and embarrassed, because what this woman did was WRONG. Make sure she knows to stay away from the neighbor because she is CRAZY and not normal and has no business at yelling at your daughter like that. It doesn't sound like much, but my shrinking violet DS12 straightens up his spine when someone puts it like that, and it gives him a model to base future dysfunctional behavior off of and how to think about it.

theuncertainty

O M G

Hugs, PurpleSquirrel, for you and your kiddos and all the kids that heard your neighbor go off. You did wonderful!

wanttobehealthy

I'd go for the RO. If you don't get it no harm no foul right? That woman sounds NUTS. Your fears about her being able to do something to the kid and no one believing them is precisely why a RO would have some heft.

Maybe they are usually for a DV issue but a crazed woman in your neighborhood abusing your child certainly sounds like domestic too me...

So sorry you and your D had to go through this this morning

keltie

You go, Mama Bear!! Great job!

Tuffgirl

Supermom to the rescue!

You rock, PS. That was exactly the right thing to do, and you showed your kids how to stand up to bullies.

Way to go!

Scolova

((PurpleSquirrel))

I'm the same type. I don't confront people well in those kinds of situations, I either go in too weak or completely-out-of-control. Sounds like you handled it well and I hope for the best.
It's amazing how brazen some people are about growing weed and they have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

Marytherboo

Wow! {HUGS}

Cyranoak

BRAVO!!!

chicory

You did absolutely the right thing! And this lady will probably think twice before she does anything that stupid again. I do think i would file a complaint, and get it documented that she made threats against your child, and police were called, and that you gave her a break. just so you have some weight to throw if she gets stupid again, and if she does, i would throw the book at her, I think.

hugs honey. brush off the yukk, and know that you were a good role model for your children, and showed you can be very strong when you need to be.

hugs, chicory