Um advice if I should see my ex
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Um advice if I should see my ex
Yeah so I think I already know the answer to this question….but I need to ask it anyway.
I had to call my ex today to let him know that I have his box of stuff and wine rack. (this was the first time I have heard his voice in over 3 months…wow it hurt so good to hear is voice grrrrrrr) I told him I can put it in his backyard next week because I am moving into a new apartment and don’t want to throw it out, cuz I don’t want it anymore. He told me “yeah that sounds good, actually maybe we can meet up and have lunch so you can drop it off”. I hesitated and was like “well, I don’t know if that’s a good idea”. He said “yeah I understand, but if we do meet up lets just keep this between us and not my new girlfriend because I am really happy with her and I don’t want her to think I am cheating.”
I sort of laughed and said”um ok, I am glad your soooo happy. You can’t tell me enough how happy you are finally”, he said “Rae, I want to let you know I would of given us another chance but sometimes people come into your life and you can’t help who you love.” I was like um ok thanks. ha ha I had no idea how to respond to that, all I said was that “I wish things could of ended differently but you really hurt me by telling me about her the way you did and I wish we can be friends but I am not sure”. He said “well, I will give you a call next week to see if it is a good idea to meet up, don’t get ur hopes up cuz I don’t know if its ok.”
Sigh….the control mind feck is still going on…. I know I should not want to meet up and know that its not a good idea cuz it will derail all the progress I have made thus far, but I still want to…..CO-DEPENDENT RAE is at it again lol
I had to call my ex today to let him know that I have his box of stuff and wine rack. (this was the first time I have heard his voice in over 3 months…wow it hurt so good to hear is voice grrrrrrr) I told him I can put it in his backyard next week because I am moving into a new apartment and don’t want to throw it out, cuz I don’t want it anymore. He told me “yeah that sounds good, actually maybe we can meet up and have lunch so you can drop it off”. I hesitated and was like “well, I don’t know if that’s a good idea”. He said “yeah I understand, but if we do meet up lets just keep this between us and not my new girlfriend because I am really happy with her and I don’t want her to think I am cheating.”
I sort of laughed and said”um ok, I am glad your soooo happy. You can’t tell me enough how happy you are finally”, he said “Rae, I want to let you know I would of given us another chance but sometimes people come into your life and you can’t help who you love.” I was like um ok thanks. ha ha I had no idea how to respond to that, all I said was that “I wish things could of ended differently but you really hurt me by telling me about her the way you did and I wish we can be friends but I am not sure”. He said “well, I will give you a call next week to see if it is a good idea to meet up, don’t get ur hopes up cuz I don’t know if its ok.”
Sigh….the control mind feck is still going on…. I know I should not want to meet up and know that its not a good idea cuz it will derail all the progress I have made thus far, but I still want to…..CO-DEPENDENT RAE is at it again lol
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Originally Posted by justrae83 
if we do meet up lets just keep this between us and not my new girlfriend because I am really happy with her and I don’t want her to think I am cheating.”
Originally Posted by justrae83
I will give you a call next week to see if it is a good idea to meet up, don’t get ur hopes up cuz I don’t know if its ok.”
L
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Touch the fire, You will get burned everytime.
This guy is your current drug of choice, you have got to get this monkey off your back.
Actually, I have to really wonder, if you really want him back? I just have this feeling, even if he did come back, you would dump him. This is not about him any longer. It's about you, and needing some sort of validation.
He has moved on, and that woman is going to be living the same hell you once did. Things are not always what they appear. If he is willing to secretly meet you, and risk this newfound love, he is a serious player, and he is not worthy of any future consideration.
Rae, why don't you tell us something about you?
It's your time to shine girl.........
This guy is your current drug of choice, you have got to get this monkey off your back.
Actually, I have to really wonder, if you really want him back? I just have this feeling, even if he did come back, you would dump him. This is not about him any longer. It's about you, and needing some sort of validation.
He has moved on, and that woman is going to be living the same hell you once did. Things are not always what they appear. If he is willing to secretly meet you, and risk this newfound love, he is a serious player, and he is not worthy of any future consideration.
Rae, why don't you tell us something about you?
It's your time to shine girl.........
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Touch the fire, You will get burned everytime.
This guy is your current drug of choice, you have got to get this monkey off your back.
Actually, I have to really wonder, if you really want him back? I just have this feeling, even if he did come back, you would dump him. This is not about him any longer. It's about you, and needing some sort of validation.
He has moved on, and that woman is going to be living the same hell you once did. Things are not always what they appear. If he is willing to secretly meet you, and risk this newfound love, he is a serious player, and he is not worthy of any future consideration.
Rae, why don't you tell us something about you?
It's your time to shine girl.........
This guy is your current drug of choice, you have got to get this monkey off your back.
Actually, I have to really wonder, if you really want him back? I just have this feeling, even if he did come back, you would dump him. This is not about him any longer. It's about you, and needing some sort of validation.
He has moved on, and that woman is going to be living the same hell you once did. Things are not always what they appear. If he is willing to secretly meet you, and risk this newfound love, he is a serious player, and he is not worthy of any future consideration.
Rae, why don't you tell us something about you?
It's your time to shine girl.........
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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If he wanted his stuff, he'd have made arrangements to get it long before now. You didn't have to contact him, you used this as an excuse to contact him. You know better. So, now here you are again in a tizzy over whether to meet him for lunch.
Good God! The guy is a slug! Get rid of his stuff when you move and be done with him. He's a slimeball who wants to see you on the side but doesn't want his new wonderful girlfriend to know. What a puss ball.
Good God! The guy is a slug! Get rid of his stuff when you move and be done with him. He's a slimeball who wants to see you on the side but doesn't want his new wonderful girlfriend to know. What a puss ball.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Justrae, seriously.....Are we serious?
Should you meet him for lunch? NO. Block his number and go No Contact. Period, end of story.What's with everyone needing to return their "x's" clothes? It's one last pathetic excuse to contact him.
How long are you going to drag this out? Do you work Justrae? Friends? Hobbies?
Should you meet him for lunch? NO. Block his number and go No Contact. Period, end of story.What's with everyone needing to return their "x's" clothes? It's one last pathetic excuse to contact him.
How long are you going to drag this out? Do you work Justrae? Friends? Hobbies?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
Justrae, you're prolonging your own suffering at this point. Even with a broken heart, you're capable of doing what it will take to heal, no matter how hard it is. Your emotions don't have to dictate your behavior, you have a strong mind for that. It's okay to use it. It doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means you are willing to act like a grown-up even when it's hard. Something he has proven over and over to you that he won't do.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
I have something to say.
If he ONLY intends to get his stuff from you, then WHY would the new girlfriend think he is CHEATING?! So WHY is he being so SECRETIVE from her?!
Yeah, that had nothing to do with you. Because personally, I think you should have nothing to do with him. He is a loser, and I feel sorry for the new girlfriend, actually.
And anyway, how many secret rendezvouses did he have with other girls when YOU TWO were together? Hmm....
My point is, innocent people don't plan ahead on how to get out of stuff with their girlfriends. He is going to suck you in, cheat on her with you, and have his cake and eat it too. And in the end, you will be hurt twice as bad, because he will still treat you just as bad as he did before, because he knows he can get away with it. Take a stand. You deserve better.
If he ONLY intends to get his stuff from you, then WHY would the new girlfriend think he is CHEATING?! So WHY is he being so SECRETIVE from her?!
Yeah, that had nothing to do with you. Because personally, I think you should have nothing to do with him. He is a loser, and I feel sorry for the new girlfriend, actually.
And anyway, how many secret rendezvouses did he have with other girls when YOU TWO were together? Hmm....
My point is, innocent people don't plan ahead on how to get out of stuff with their girlfriends. He is going to suck you in, cheat on her with you, and have his cake and eat it too. And in the end, you will be hurt twice as bad, because he will still treat you just as bad as he did before, because he knows he can get away with it. Take a stand. You deserve better.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I know that this is me on the repeat cycle. Rinse, lather and repeat.
At least it is short and sweet. That does not make it easy. It took me a long time to learn this.
No contact = No new hurts.
It already hurt to hear his voice on the phone....
At least it is short and sweet. That does not make it easy. It took me a long time to learn this.
No contact = No new hurts.
It already hurt to hear his voice on the phone....
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
I promise you that if you see him...you will be back at square one as far as healing. You have three months under your belt right now, don't start the hurt all over again and this time it will only hurt worse.
He is a real slimeball player and he will use you and cheat on his new girlfriend with you, and you will be in more pain than you can imagine! Don't do it!
He is a real slimeball player and he will use you and cheat on his new girlfriend with you, and you will be in more pain than you can imagine! Don't do it!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 97
noooooooooo you just opened up a new can of worms! and now he's hiding you? yeah this guy hasn't changed, or found some deep love.
i don't really have any solid advice to offer, as I am a newbie. but I do know the pain only gets worse when he is in the picture. the pain only gets better if he is not. do you want to be in pain??
i don't know if this is good or bad, but when i saw my ex (he came to get his stuff) he threw me for a loop by the "lets hang out, rebuild our relationship" crap. it had me thinking for a couple days. but when i saw him, he looked t e r r i b l e. he's lost 20lbs since our breakup, he has gigantic bags under his eyes, and his nose was all messed up. rumor has it he's picked up a coke habit as well as the usual heavy drinking. so, that actually really grossed me out and made me not want anything to do with him. maybe ur ex will gross you out too!
anway, this dude sounds shifty. and the "dont get your hopes up" is garbage! he's making plans with his ex behind his new gf's back? this guy sounds like a solid grade F.. addict or not. he's stringing you along, totally screwing up your emotions, getting your hopes up and then crushing them. he's pretty damaging. do you want that???
i don't really have any solid advice to offer, as I am a newbie. but I do know the pain only gets worse when he is in the picture. the pain only gets better if he is not. do you want to be in pain??
i don't know if this is good or bad, but when i saw my ex (he came to get his stuff) he threw me for a loop by the "lets hang out, rebuild our relationship" crap. it had me thinking for a couple days. but when i saw him, he looked t e r r i b l e. he's lost 20lbs since our breakup, he has gigantic bags under his eyes, and his nose was all messed up. rumor has it he's picked up a coke habit as well as the usual heavy drinking. so, that actually really grossed me out and made me not want anything to do with him. maybe ur ex will gross you out too!
anway, this dude sounds shifty. and the "dont get your hopes up" is garbage! he's making plans with his ex behind his new gf's back? this guy sounds like a solid grade F.. addict or not. he's stringing you along, totally screwing up your emotions, getting your hopes up and then crushing them. he's pretty damaging. do you want that???
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
I found this on the forum Rae, every single word is true. Until you truly believe the truth of this situation you will continue to be sick. Please, listen to what people are telling you.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
I found this on the forum Rae, every single word is true. Until you truly believe the truth of this situation you will continue to be sick. Please, listen to what people are telling you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Thank you all...I KNOW THE ANSWER! I just am such a mess latley, that when he mentioned seeing me i got my hopes up that maybe something sould change. I am dumb. But i didnt know why. I Made a emergency session last night with my theripist and I figured out, even though he hurts me...i would rather have that contact then none at all. Sick i know. I am working through it and it will get better.
I decided to text him today to let him know that i will just put his stuff out on the curb and its not a good idea. Everyone is right, my progress of 3month under my belt is just to much to throw away at the chance of seeing him. I CAN NOT go through another 3 months of this pain....
I decided to text him today to let him know that i will just put his stuff out on the curb and its not a good idea. Everyone is right, my progress of 3month under my belt is just to much to throw away at the chance of seeing him. I CAN NOT go through another 3 months of this pain....
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