Um advice if I should see my ex
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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((((Rae))))
I have to say, I love your honesty, I really do. You are amazing and strong and you will get there. There is nothing that you have felt that the rest of us haven't. But you are learning and growing and you don't even know it. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to come here and put the real you out in the open, wounds and all. Every single word that you have typed will be of value to someone else who comes along and is in the same place you are. Thank you Rae, for having the umpfff to be completely open and honest.
YOu are going to make it, bumps and bruises along the way, but you will be so awesome, and some day some lucky sober, SOB is going to get you.
Sending you lots of love Katie xo
I have to say, I love your honesty, I really do. You are amazing and strong and you will get there. There is nothing that you have felt that the rest of us haven't. But you are learning and growing and you don't even know it. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to come here and put the real you out in the open, wounds and all. Every single word that you have typed will be of value to someone else who comes along and is in the same place you are. Thank you Rae, for having the umpfff to be completely open and honest.
YOu are going to make it, bumps and bruises along the way, but you will be so awesome, and some day some lucky sober, SOB is going to get you.
Sending you lots of love Katie xo
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
LOL so he is forbidden to talk to any woman on Earth because they (we) all want this guy??
Hugs justrae! No contact... give the stuff to a common friend and tell him or her to give it to the EX... easy
Hugs justrae! No contact... give the stuff to a common friend and tell him or her to give it to the EX... easy
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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Originally Posted by SearchSerenity 
If he wanted or even needed it, he would have not left it. You were testing yourself. Put his junk by the curb. That's where it belongs.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
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Rae, I have been exactly where you are a good handful of times over the past 5 months. Please don't call yourself dumb. I asked my exRABF to leave our home after 6 years of CHOOSING to stay on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. He latched onto someone else in AA so fast my head spun. However, he keeps trying to hang onto me denying anything more than friendship was/is going on between them. He also cheated on me years ago, though now says we were broken up and he was still sleeping with me so "deal with it". Such integrity...lol. I have gone no contact since December, blocking my cell phone from his number. He calls me at work and I just hang up. He has also shown up at my work and home, though thankfully he has not done that in a long time. I have not always been perfect in sticking to my boundaries with this. I will tell you that EVERY time I engaged in anything with him it set me back a few days and got my wheels spinning. I know how it feels to somewhere in my subconscious want to believe that something has changed with him, that the past will be miraculously different than what it was. However, during these encounters with him I have been "shown" that he has not changed his patterns much or committed himself fully to recovery. I am NOT judging him in any way. It is what it is. I strive each day to keep the focus on me. I know and accept that I will never be with him again and I am finally okay with it. I try hard not to dwell on the past and on the negatives, but when I obsess about things, sometimes I reread my journals from when we were together to give my self a reality check of what it was REALLY like. IMHO, why disrupt your peace and serenity ?? Because that is what will happen if you continue to hang onto him in ANY way. I know how hard it is to break a lifetime of codie behaviors, but you can do it one small step at a time!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. If hearing his voice sounded so good to you what do you think seeing him will do???? Tell him you will put his stuff on the front porch to pick up and if he doesn't pick it up it will be going in the dumpster. I threw my exe's stuff out. If he was too lazy to take it all with him, and didn't even ask about it after he left- well then out to the garbage it went.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
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Yeah i think what is screwing my head up the most is the other girl. I KNOW WAY TO MUCH about the other girl because of him telling me. I think if it was a clean break and we went our separate ways and he gave me closure that I needed, it would of helped. But he just went off with another girl then told me she was the love of his life and said there getting married and he loves being with her kids…IT REALLY REALLY messed with my head because for 6 years all we talked about was getting married and having kids but he had to be clean and sober. He relapsed time and time again so I lost trust in the relationship. But, I just wanted him to get better for me…he wouldn’t so he found someone new then rubbed it in my face. I know he is just trying to hurt but, wow he sure goes for the jugular. I guess me seeing him next week was a way for him to apologize…but I know that is false hope and I would be throwing myself in the middle of the freeway letting him run me over. WHY AM I HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME ACCEPTING this break up.?
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I guess me seeing him next week was a way for him to apologize…but I know that is false hope and I would be throwing myself in the middle of the freeway letting him run me over. WHY AM I HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME ACCEPTING this break up.?
Pack up his chit, throw it over the fence at the girlfriends house or leave it on their walkway or in their driveway and go.
Then go NO CONTACT. You are only torturing yourself by having these repeated contacts with him whether it is by phone, email or text. Put his emails in your spam folder, delete the text messages before reading, and change his contact name to LOSER, or DEADBEAT, or LIAR, or SCUMBAG, etc so you don't answer, and then delete any voice mails, without listening. Before long, you wil find yourself NOT being bothered by his attempts as you WILL HAVE MOVED ON.
Sweetie you are so young yet, and there is so much 'GOOD' waiting for you out there, why waste your time, energy and compassion on someone who DOES NOT DESERVE IT.
Please know that we are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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Originally Posted by justrae83
WHY AM I HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME ACCEPTING this break up.?
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Rae, For what it's worth when I met my ex, he had just broken up with "the love of his life", he has 2 tattoos on his arms of women who were his "soul mates" (in Chinese, though...lol), I was his only "true, true love" and I am sure the "new" one is being fed the same tired old lines....you get the picture.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
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1. You didn't have to call him. If he hasn't needed this stuff in three months, he hasn't missed it. Since you called him, leave his crap in his yard. Take a friend with you so you won't be tempted to knock on the door or hang around to long.
2. If you find another box if his stuff there's always the dumpster. Or you could build a bonfire.
3. I'm sure you made his day letting him know you are miserable without him. That's not smart.
2. If you find another box if his stuff there's always the dumpster. Or you could build a bonfire.
3. I'm sure you made his day letting him know you are miserable without him. That's not smart.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
No i didnt let him know i was misrable without him...but since the call he texted me the other day saying "Rae, it was really great to hear from you the other day. I am confused about you dating though, you told me you are moving on and dating but when i spoke to you a month ago you said you were gonna just work on yourself. I am not jelous, i was just saying you were doing so well working on yourself so I was courious. I will talk to you next week to get my wine rack" UMMMMMM no idea what that was about ha ha
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Yank, yank, yanking your chain...
It's up to you to end that. And I hope you find the self worth to do so sooner rather than later, because this kind of stuff seriously messes with one's head.
It's up to you to end that. And I hope you find the self worth to do so sooner rather than later, because this kind of stuff seriously messes with one's head.
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Join Date: May 2008
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Juatrae, you are still involved with him if you are texting him, receiving texts and phone calls from him and still making arrangements for him to get his junk back. No wonder you can't get over him and on with your life. He is still in IT!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by justrae83
No i didnt let him know i was misrable without him...but since the call he texted me the other day saying "Rae, it was really great to hear from you the other day. I am confused about you dating though, you told me you are moving on and dating but when i spoke to you a month ago you said you were gonna just work on yourself. I am not jelous, i was just saying you were doing so well working on yourself so I was courious. I will talk to you next week to get my wine rack" UMMMMMM no idea what that was about ha ha
Wounding makes them feel superior. It's all they have, the ability to wound.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
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It is none of his business what you do and isn't it funny that he has the b*lls to say ANYTHING about you dating?? Um, isn't he gloriously happy with the new gal? Sorry, but this does strike a nerve in me because I have gone through the same thing with my ex. He is trying to find a vulnerability in you. Do not give him the satisfaction. If it KILLS you, block him completely so YOU are not tempted to reach out to him.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
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Yeah i was thinking about that....I think he is looking for me to say OH DATING IS SO HARD, I MISS YOU... I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU BLAH BLAH, just so he can hold his head high and think he has won....sigh.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
This whole scenario smacks of manipulation. He left because you did not want to live with a drunk and he did not want to quit drinking. He found someone who would accept him as is but he knows down in this could also fall apart if she also gets fed up and throws him out. He keeps you on the hook thinking that if you start missing him badly enough you could eventually give in and accept his behavior because you will be just so happy to have him back in your life that you will overlook everything. And on and on it goes.
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