3 days sober, getting dumped tonight
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
3 days sober, getting dumped tonight
Hi all,
I've really been struggling with all this... but now have 3 days sober in. I started going to therapy with my bf of 4+ years because of numerous issues. We had our first therapy session last week and our second one is tonight.
He just called to tell me that he doesn't want to pay for therapy anymore. I told him I can pay for it, because I think it's really important (even though he makes about 3x my salary). He said he is not going to go after tonight. I asked why, and he just said he doesn't want to work on us anymore, but we'll talk about it tonight.
I know this pattern - he is leaving me. I'm starting to go into panic mode, but I still have 5 more hours before therapy. Whenever he does this, I always beg him to keep me, but I don't have the energy this time to keep begging him to stay. He knows I haven't been drinking for the last few days, and he knows I have a midterm exam tomorrow, but he's still pulling this crap.
Thanks for listening to me vent - it's going to be a long day.
I've really been struggling with all this... but now have 3 days sober in. I started going to therapy with my bf of 4+ years because of numerous issues. We had our first therapy session last week and our second one is tonight.
He just called to tell me that he doesn't want to pay for therapy anymore. I told him I can pay for it, because I think it's really important (even though he makes about 3x my salary). He said he is not going to go after tonight. I asked why, and he just said he doesn't want to work on us anymore, but we'll talk about it tonight.
I know this pattern - he is leaving me. I'm starting to go into panic mode, but I still have 5 more hours before therapy. Whenever he does this, I always beg him to keep me, but I don't have the energy this time to keep begging him to stay. He knows I haven't been drinking for the last few days, and he knows I have a midterm exam tomorrow, but he's still pulling this crap.
Thanks for listening to me vent - it's going to be a long day.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
AT the very best, that a pretty insensitive move. Even worse, it kind of smells like manipulation. He's going to flake on therapy so you might, too? It doesn't sound like something a healthy guy would do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
He is not a drinker, but he has a big (about $200/week) problem with marijuana.
I was drinking about a handle of liquor and a few bottles of wine a week at my worst, and just a few bottles of wine a week at my best. I have gone through the worst of the withdrawal and have not gone on a long enough bender to get back to that point, so I've pretty much been drinking a few days on, a few days off for a while (which is a big improvement).
And I am definitely not flaking on the therapy. I need it, so I am going with or without him. I am so emotionally exhausted from both the alcoholism and the roller coaster of our relationship.
I was drinking about a handle of liquor and a few bottles of wine a week at my worst, and just a few bottles of wine a week at my best. I have gone through the worst of the withdrawal and have not gone on a long enough bender to get back to that point, so I've pretty much been drinking a few days on, a few days off for a while (which is a big improvement).
And I am definitely not flaking on the therapy. I need it, so I am going with or without him. I am so emotionally exhausted from both the alcoholism and the roller coaster of our relationship.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unionville, PA
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by SOBERINNEPA 
AT the very best, that a pretty insensitive move. Even worse, it kind of smells like manipulation. He's going to flake on therapy so you might, too? It doesn't sound like something a healthy guy would do.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
It's impossible to give someone relationship advice online. And even the worst relationships cause hurt when the dissolve. But be honest with yourself. Is this ultimately the best thing for you? Perhaps for both of you?
If you're sincerely committed to changing your life & putting your dependencies behind you, living with another drug abuser just isn't going to work.
Sometimes we have to make the choice between a little pain now, or a lot of pain later.
If (and I underscore the 'if') things go the way you fear they will, please do yourself a favor. Look at this for what it is for you: a new beginning. Don't usher in a new era of pain by attempting to drink away the sorrow. You know that only leads to more pain. You can turn this negative into a positive with one simple act: instead of reverting to your old ways, you make a change. Instead of addressing the stresses in your life with alcohol, learn to face yourself without. Tonight. Then tomorrow. And then the next day.
Just think about this: How amazingly glorious would it be to wake up tomorrow and be able to say to yourself "I just went through a break-up, and I still didn't drink!!!!!". Those are the moments we long for, because they illustrate the strength we have within ourselves. Overcoming obstacles guarantees future success.
This could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Really.
If you're sincerely committed to changing your life & putting your dependencies behind you, living with another drug abuser just isn't going to work.
Sometimes we have to make the choice between a little pain now, or a lot of pain later.
If (and I underscore the 'if') things go the way you fear they will, please do yourself a favor. Look at this for what it is for you: a new beginning. Don't usher in a new era of pain by attempting to drink away the sorrow. You know that only leads to more pain. You can turn this negative into a positive with one simple act: instead of reverting to your old ways, you make a change. Instead of addressing the stresses in your life with alcohol, learn to face yourself without. Tonight. Then tomorrow. And then the next day.
Just think about this: How amazingly glorious would it be to wake up tomorrow and be able to say to yourself "I just went through a break-up, and I still didn't drink!!!!!". Those are the moments we long for, because they illustrate the strength we have within ourselves. Overcoming obstacles guarantees future success.
This could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Really.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: holyoke mass
Posts: 23
Snowdaisy you have to work on you now. It is hard to stay in a relationship while trying to get sober. I am on the other end bf in rehab and I am tried of the roller coaster. Before he left he went on a five day binge because he knew he was going. I am codependent so I tried doing everything in my power to help him. Now I realize how crazy that was and i need to take care of me. Thinking of him coming back makes me sick. I have choose not to continue the relationship and do things that make me happy. A relationship is tough enough let alone getting sober..... Work on you first!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi SnowDaisy. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've been learning during recovery that not only do I have issues with alcoholism, but I also have huge issues with co-dependency. The only way recovery and sobriety can work is if we focus on ourselves. So keep your focus on you and you will eventually be happier and healthier, with or without him. It's great you're doing therapy even though he doesn't want to. Best wishes.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by SnowDaisy
He is not a drinker, but he has a big (about $200/week) problem with marijuana.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 135
Work on your own life first and all things will come together. He is secondary, if that high on the chart. You are not married, you have no children with him, therefore you can walk on him and find happiness elsewhere .
No child support /visitation issues, no problem.
I wish I was in your position: Young, single, no kids. You have it made!
Believe in yourself
Quit the drink, drop the dude, and everything will fall in place. You, if you want to, will find a better man than what you have now. Trust me, a better mate is a dime a dozen.
No child support /visitation issues, no problem.
I wish I was in your position: Young, single, no kids. You have it made!
Believe in yourself
Quit the drink, drop the dude, and everything will fall in place. You, if you want to, will find a better man than what you have now. Trust me, a better mate is a dime a dozen.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: farmington
Posts: 1
do what is best for you and don't force things that are outside you because they will just hold you back from what you want for yourself. I SAY THIS TO YOU KNOWING I STRUGGLE TOO. I wish you luck. If it was easy everyone would do it...
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