12skiptomylue

I'm day five in my commitment of 30 days sober. I have come to the conclusion that I am not an alcoholic. However, with that said, I do have some unhealthy patterns with alcohol. For instance, drinking when I'm upset, lonely, etc. Just to feel something different, or not have to think about it.

I really don't need to argue anyone on the idea of whether I'm an alcoholic or not anymore. I'm pretty confident I know where I stand right now. I want to break the patterns I have created though, simply because drinking ANY amount, regardless if it is only two beers, to get your mind off of things is NOT healthy. I know this.

Yesterday, was extremely stressful, and I really wanted to drink, but I didn't. Today, I am under a lot of stress again, I'm exhausted, I'm hungry, and I just don't feel like thinking about anything. I just want to drink.

I want to justify it that TONS of people drink when they are stressed and it's "normal". But that goes against my commitment to myself that I will go 30 days sober. And it goes against my believe that drinking to not think or not feel is NOT healthy.

I was thinking, it's been a year since I have gone 7 days sober. It's been probably 6 years since I've gone 30 days sober. And granted, some days it really is one beer. But that's not the point.

Anyway, I really, really want a beer. I just want to escape for a little while.

Sapling

Why would anybody on a site called Sober Recovery want to argue with you whether you were an alcoholic or not?

12skiptomylue

I wasn't trying to sound argumentative by saying I didn't want to "argue". Sorry.

I'm sure your "permission" is some reverse psychology to prove that I do have a problem.

All I'm saying is I really do want to drink, but I'm having a hard time breaking my commitment to myself. And, I feel like I would be drinking for the wrong reasons. So, I'm trying not to drink.

Sapling

Then don't.

Sometime

Clinically in the UK I wouldn't be classed as an alcoholic but I've been drinking for 10 years and I was getting there slowly but surely.

I think if you're drinking because you want to feel something different. That's not good is it? Stressed or not. That's drinking as a way of coping IMO and that's no good for anyone.

Dee74

Tons of people don't drink when they're stressed too

I've tried both - I really honestly prefer the way I've been doing it for the last 5 years -

I actually solve problems, and I'm a lot more capable and self sufficient than I was, or ever thought I was, when I was drinking

Drinking was running away for me - I don't want to run away anymore.

D

12skiptomylue

Motivation for right now! Thanks!

desertsong

Sounds like the wrestling match you were having with yourself a few days ago is still going on.

I really sense that you're hung up on the label of "alcoholic," although you do admit you have an "alcohol dependency." Call it what you will, you still have a problem and the only way to solve that problem is to not drink. The amount of thought, time and energy you put into thinking about alcohol is not normal.

Like we told you the other day, you are the only one who can decide if you're an alcoholic or not. But I think you know in your gut that you are not headed in a good direction regardless; the fact that you keep posting here indicates that.

The idea that alcohol solves our problems, makes us feel better, helps us handle stress, etc. is an illusion, a lie. There is no problem and no stress that alcohol can't make worse. If you are willing to gamble with your life and get back on that merry-go-round, thinking you can have just "a" beer, we can't stop you. I hope you won't. You may only have a "problem" with alcohol today, but in no time at all you'll be looking back and saying, "I wish I'd quit back in March 2012."

That was me, and I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy.

OheemJah

Don't do it! I felt like relapsing earlier today, Sunday will be a month for me. I went for a four mile run instead. You can make it another couple of hours, then you will wake up and it will be day 6. Don't give up on yourself

Terminally Unique

This is probably not what you want to hear, but here's a tip that few people will ever tell you about. It takes the anticipation of gratification of desire to cause this type of back and forth struggle you are experiencing. If you take the option of drinking off the table completely, you'll probably find that these episodes will be few and far between, and much shorter in duration. We don't 'crave' what we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will never have.

Terminally Unique

That's good, because it is of little practical relevance either way. If, when you honestly want to abstain, you find that you cannot, then you are addicted. That's all you really need to know.

keepfinding2

Stay strong man. This compulsive behavior will be gone soon.

12skiptomylue

I ate dinner, and I'm feeling much better. Not going to drink today!

eJoshua

This is very true....

Skip -- I don't think it really matters if you consider yourself an alcoholic or not, but I am glad you feel at peace with that issue. I think the most important question is if you're going to drink. Since you've chosen not to drink for 30 days then drinking is not an option for you. I think this is what Sapling is trying to say above.

I think you're learning a lot about yourself through this process and it will be interesting to see where you're at byt he end of your thirty days.

I don't want to argue with you about your drinking habits, but I will tell you that if you have to control it then it's already out of control.

Keep us posted,

artsoul

Good to hear you're hanging in there, skip! Eating something really does help with the cravings (something having to do with blood sugar.... and alcohol is filled with sugar).

It's really a good thing that you're doing this for yourself..... the mental part can take some time but it's really worth it. It forces us to find other ways to reward ourselves, deal with our feelings, etc...... Congrats on day 5!

eh1988

I know how hard it is when you have a stressful day during recovery, your body and mind are used to "escaping" whenever you have a problem. It takes some getting used to but it is invigorating. I agree with Dee, alcohol is used to run away from your problems, it's time to stop running and start dealing with them the right way.

instant

It took me decades but I finally accepted that using alcohol to manage my feelings was not a fruitful path to follow

DarkDays

Of course your going to want a beer after 5 days , your only committing for 30 days , you genuinely believe you are missing something.

ShaneW

Good job Skip. Eating regularly is really important, because when you are hungry, your body is naturally stressed, and it can cause cravings for your usual stress reliever (alcohol/drugs).

My Sponsor told me this the other day...

Never let yourself get too tired, too hungry, too lonely or too angry.

Those situations are stress triggers and can activate addictive behavior and/or make you want to reach for a learned behavior for stress relief (drinking). Good Luck on your journey, keep posting!

DoinThis

hi there. i have a problem with the term alcoholic too. i tell myself im addicted to alcohol. makes me feel better. silly hey cos its the same thing. i think if u werent addicted to alcohol u wouldnt be thinking about it like u are. u mightnt be as bad as some but with everything there are different levels...

thinking that EVERYONE drinks is actually not true. it feels like it to me sometimes too as thats the people ive ended up with as friends because of my drinking but i saw a study here in Australia that only 10% of people drink at a dangerous level. and that is 4 std drinks for men and 2 for woman. hardly any really!

i hope u can make a month and change your relationship with the booze. that was my ultimate goal when i started trying to quit. i spent 6 months trying to do this failing miserably. all the best