Just a vent, but words of wisdom welcome!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
Just a vent, but words of wisdom welcome!
I'm just sick at heart tonight, and could really use a listening ear...
AH was discharged yesterday from the mental health facility where he spent 10 days after a suicidal episode (still don't know if it was an attempt or a threat). He got himself a spot at a free year-long alcohol and drug rehab run by a Christian group in Indianapolis. His intake appointment was at 3:30 this afternoon. He got himself a ride and spent the night at a nearby shelter.
Next thing I hear, he's blown off his intake and instead tried to throw himself under a bus. No physical injuries, now admitted to yet another mental health facility. On my tab, I should mention.
So this makes 6 inpatient admissions for alcohol and/or suicide and one 12-day rehab stay for alcohol since January. I threw him out and filed for separation 3 weeks ago after making it absolutely clear that I not share my life with him if he continued to drink--and two days after rehab he was completely smashed when I got home from work.
I can't help but feel like this whole nightmare is just him trying to manipulate me, and I simply refuse to be played like this any more. Frankly, I'm just pissed off at this point. I have no intention of any further contact with him, the separation requires nothing more from him, I just want to move on.
Is there anything an A won't do to restore his pampered King Baby status? His poor mother is heartbroken (she's an addictions counselor working her own recovery and has largely detached from him but this is agonizing for her nonetheless), I can't get him off my insurance until the separation is final, so I'm hemorrhaging cash on hospital bills, this is ridiculous!
AH was discharged yesterday from the mental health facility where he spent 10 days after a suicidal episode (still don't know if it was an attempt or a threat). He got himself a spot at a free year-long alcohol and drug rehab run by a Christian group in Indianapolis. His intake appointment was at 3:30 this afternoon. He got himself a ride and spent the night at a nearby shelter.
Next thing I hear, he's blown off his intake and instead tried to throw himself under a bus. No physical injuries, now admitted to yet another mental health facility. On my tab, I should mention.
So this makes 6 inpatient admissions for alcohol and/or suicide and one 12-day rehab stay for alcohol since January. I threw him out and filed for separation 3 weeks ago after making it absolutely clear that I not share my life with him if he continued to drink--and two days after rehab he was completely smashed when I got home from work.
I can't help but feel like this whole nightmare is just him trying to manipulate me, and I simply refuse to be played like this any more. Frankly, I'm just pissed off at this point. I have no intention of any further contact with him, the separation requires nothing more from him, I just want to move on.
Is there anything an A won't do to restore his pampered King Baby status? His poor mother is heartbroken (she's an addictions counselor working her own recovery and has largely detached from him but this is agonizing for her nonetheless), I can't get him off my insurance until the separation is final, so I'm hemorrhaging cash on hospital bills, this is ridiculous!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Continue to vent as needed.
Scream, punch pillows, curse, whatever it takes to get it out!
Is there a legal way to protect yourself from medical bills he incurs since you have officially filed for seperation? Maybe time to call the attorney and ask for assistance to keep from having to share his medical debt, if possible.
I agree that No Contact is a postive way to regain your serenity! (((hugs)))
Scream, punch pillows, curse, whatever it takes to get it out!
Is there a legal way to protect yourself from medical bills he incurs since you have officially filed for seperation? Maybe time to call the attorney and ask for assistance to keep from having to share his medical debt, if possible.
I agree that No Contact is a postive way to regain your serenity! (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Are you sure?
If you've researched it and know this to be certain than I'm sorry you are stuck, but perhaps a legal separation can help (don't know-- consult with your attorney).
If you haven't done the legwork on this it's a huge mistake.
Cyranoak
If you haven't done the legwork on this it's a huge mistake.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by Marytherboo 
I can't get him off my insurance until the separation is final, so I'm hemorrhaging cash on hospital bills, this is ridiculous!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
Legal separation is filed but not final yet. My attorney advised me not to make any changes during the limbo period as AH could use them to show I was acting against his interest.
Pfft. But boy am I glad I went ahead with it!
Pfft. But boy am I glad I went ahead with it!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
At the risk of sounding callous, is it convenient he is having his breakdown while still on your insurance policy. Is there anything to that? I mean, would he take his situation more seriously if he was paying the bills for it all?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Yellow Springs, OH
Posts: 109
I think he's doing it precisely because he's still on my insurance and he has no other access to me or anything here. I think he's trying to punish me and manipulate me, pure and simple.
And this is the man I fell so desperately in love with...aargh!
And this is the man I fell so desperately in love with...aargh!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
What a rollercoaster, Mary.
How did you hear? I agree that no contact is best for now. Nothing productive happens and it creates such unhealthy stress for you.
The more you describe him, the more I wish the mental facility would let him stay. He really does seem to be disintegrating. But this is one more event which proves how powerless you are. You cannot tie a rope to him. And if you invite him back home, he will walk through the door with the same brain that threw him under the bus.
Remember that he has a mental disease you cannot cure. You tried to support him with love and patience. You have made treatment possible again and again. You can do no more for him. Honestly, I wish he were just confined someplace for a long while to allow time for some assessment and medicine. But he still has rights, and he will walk.
Maybe he was a different man when you met him. Alcoholism can surge forward in severity in just a few years. Or maybe he has another mental disease that is manifesting now that was not active then. It really is possible to marry a man and five years later find yourself with a stranger. The human brain is unpredictable. It is a major organ like any other and can become diseased like any other.
For sure, Mary, you are not capable of repairing his brain.
But you can work on your frail self, your tired and weary heart, your faith in your Higher Power. You can do that.
I hope tomorrow brings you something good. Go find something good.
How did you hear? I agree that no contact is best for now. Nothing productive happens and it creates such unhealthy stress for you.
The more you describe him, the more I wish the mental facility would let him stay. He really does seem to be disintegrating. But this is one more event which proves how powerless you are. You cannot tie a rope to him. And if you invite him back home, he will walk through the door with the same brain that threw him under the bus.
Remember that he has a mental disease you cannot cure. You tried to support him with love and patience. You have made treatment possible again and again. You can do no more for him. Honestly, I wish he were just confined someplace for a long while to allow time for some assessment and medicine. But he still has rights, and he will walk.
Maybe he was a different man when you met him. Alcoholism can surge forward in severity in just a few years. Or maybe he has another mental disease that is manifesting now that was not active then. It really is possible to marry a man and five years later find yourself with a stranger. The human brain is unpredictable. It is a major organ like any other and can become diseased like any other.
For sure, Mary, you are not capable of repairing his brain.
But you can work on your frail self, your tired and weary heart, your faith in your Higher Power. You can do that.
I hope tomorrow brings you something good. Go find something good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
It's hard to shake an alcoholic. Enablers who provide comfy nests are possessions that the A does not want to lose!
My A relapsed 5 weeks ago and as promised I removed him from my life so he boarded a plane and went to Vegas where he can drink 24/7. The bizarre lies left on the answer machine range from swearing his love to suicide to he won a hundred thousand and wanted to give it to me.
All lies. all manipulations.
Maybe we shouold send your ex to Vegas... I just saw on an email that my ex got comped another 4 nights at a Vegas resort somehow.
My A relapsed 5 weeks ago and as promised I removed him from my life so he boarded a plane and went to Vegas where he can drink 24/7. The bizarre lies left on the answer machine range from swearing his love to suicide to he won a hundred thousand and wanted to give it to me.
All lies. all manipulations.
Maybe we shouold send your ex to Vegas... I just saw on an email that my ex got comped another 4 nights at a Vegas resort somehow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
Hopeworks, I have read your story and I cannot believe he is STILL in Vegas! I can only imagine how many thousands of $$$ he has given the casino in order for them to comp him another 4 nights... I hope your finances are not intermingled with his? You seem to be doing so well / at peace with him at the nucleus of Crazy Town so props to you for that... I can't imagine how difficult it is no matter how detached you are.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your post on QUACK (about the volcano blowing, 100 grand, etc) had me LOL for at least 5 minutes
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your post on QUACK (about the volcano blowing, 100 grand, etc) had me LOL for at least 5 minutes
Originally Posted by Hopeworks
I just saw on an email that my ex got comped another 4 nights at a Vegas resort somehow.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by mayalewiston
Hopeworks, I have read your story and I cannot believe he is STILL in Vegas! I can only imagine how many thousands of $$$ he has given the casino in order for them to comp him another 4 nights... I hope your finances are not intermingled with his? You seem to be doing so well / at peace with him at the nucleus of Crazy Town so props to you for that... I can't imagine how difficult it is no matter how detached you are.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your post on QUACK (about the volcano blowing, 100 grand, etc) had me LOL for at least 5 minutes
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your post on QUACK (about the volcano blowing, 100 grand, etc) had me LOL for at least 5 minutes
How he financing his month long binge is beyond me... he is managing to get "friends" out there who have tried to intervene for him and I text them back that I am no contact with his "friends" too.
Oh... speak of the devil... oops the duck calleth as we speak... quack, quack, quack...
Edit:
New voicemail... he is "not doing well", has no place to sleep, wants to do the "right thing" and come home... quack, quack, quack...
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
New voicemail... he is "not doing well", has no place to sleep, wants to do the "right thing" and come home... quack, quack, quack...
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