wuzzled

Realizing what I should have realized long, long ago. I need to get off this merry-go-round!

All I have accomplished by trying to keep it together is making myself crazy and depressed.

I am such a mess at this point, I can barely function. I want to cry all the time. I know there are really no answers, no good ones anyway.

there is no way to keep the house of cards from falling. I just need to let go, let it fall, and then begin to pick up whatever pieces I can, and move on. So frickin scared though.

My daughter has one more year of high-school, and I am afraid of being homeless. I just want to get her through high-school.

I know what I "want" to do, just don't know how to accomplish it. I need to get away from my husband, I am not happy and won't be as long as I am with him. I need to go back to school so I can get a decent paying job. I have done home child care for 20 years, this is all I know. I can't do it anymore. The stress is just too much for me right now. I also want to move to NY, but know I can't do that until my daughter finishes high school. I also have a 100 year old grandma, that I can never leave.

I also know I can't afford my house (just bought it too, BIG mistake). Can't afford my credit card debt anymore either. To much weight on my shoulders.

Really stupid me.

I should have gotten out long ago, but instead, I am still here and things only get worse.

I hate where I am at today!

twolivestouched

I feel like maybe i have been in your shoes (Kinda still am). I hope you know that by reaching out and talking about things you are taking the first step to making things better. For me I am letting my house of cards fall, it scares the cr*p out of me. I am sure that you, like all of us who have lived with an A, are great at putting things back together and this is no different. You need to do what is best for your daughter and you. The peices of your life will come back together and you both will better off for the hard choices that you make today.

wellnowwhat

You've already started towards your goal! You're here and you've articulated where you want to go. Now breathe, and take itsy bitsy steps towards your goal.

I am no longer cleaning closets, I am getting rid of things I'll no longer need when moving day comes. I am no longer being vaguely cheap with the grocery money, I am building some savings and paying down bills. I am no longer "organizing papers" for taxes, but building a folder of the ones I need with me. Little by little I try to think of things as a positive step, and it works. I feel that I have direction, a bit of a plan, and I am closer to actually doing it than I was when I started and I can feel good about that, if nothing else. When I am annoyed, I find I am especially motivated. My AH is curious why I seem happier and easier to get along. He has no idea.

I know a lot of people have to leave suddenly with only the clothes on their back. I don't see that in my future so I can use this time to my advantage.

And if I change my mind, my closets are clean, garage is clean, basement is done, kitchen cupboards weeded through!

Somewhere on this site is a long list of what we should do if leaving.

Good luck, and be easy on yourself. You'll get there. You are already on your way.

ZombieWife

Just sending you some random hugs and goodness.

Kindeyes

Take it easy. It doesn't all have to happen all at one time. Little steps can still move us forward.
gentle hugs
ke

gurlie214

I so understand where you are and just wanted to say I "get it" and I am with you! Please keep posting and know that you are not alone! I am so sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you!