feeling-good

Hi folks

Been a long time since I was here; about 14 months or so. The last 14 months or so got, yes, you guessed it, a lot worse. A lot, lot worse (that's a story for another day, but suffice to say involved hospitals, police etc).

Anyway, I have picked myself up and got myself into AA and am starting to really get what it actually means to do something for your recovery. I guess I am starting to work on step 2, as I know that I am powerless over alcohol.

But, today I am having a 'bad' day - what I mean is that I am at work but cannot concentrate at all and have barely done any real work at all. I texted a fellow AA who celebrated her 4th birthday the other day and she has been supporting me back with texts which is great. I am going to AA tonight.

The as yet still relatively new 'old' thinking and horrible pointless justifications have been going through my head - 'boo hoo, I don't feel good today, I don't want to drink and want to remain sober, but I want to feel that feeling that the first few drinks gives you, but I'm not going to do it as it will only make things worse, but why can't I just have a good day and get on with work and life' and on and on. You will know what I mean, I'm sure. I guess it is stinkin' thinkin'.

I have been saying my serenity prayer every half hour or so, reading here, reading AA website etc and am trying to distract myself till home time, when my family will cheer me up a bit, but I wondered what tips you might have for those generally 'off' days....

TIA, FD.

Sapling

So you have a Higher Power?

feeling-good

Sapling - yes, I do. And I guess I need to ask my HP to take it into their hands, right?

Sapling

You shouldn't have much problem with step two then....

Sapling

That wouldn't be a bad idea...

feeling-good

I really am trying, but I'm struggling to *feel* any better, iykwim. I guess I have at least printed out some reports and stuff to take home over the weekend to try and get this work project finished, but still it doesn't feel enough....

I guess even though I believe in my HP, my faith level wavers.... I just read on another post for the AA thought of the day to keep going to meetings to help build up faith. Which means it's particularly good I am going to a meeting tonight.

I suppose one thing that happened yesterday was my daughter fell and hurt herself (massive bump on her face) and I didn't go to my meeting because she needed / wanted me with her.... it's hard to put sobriety above everything else when things like that happen..... gah, one day at a time and easy does it. Roll on 5pm.

Sapling

Just don't drink today...Don't be afraid to ask your HP for help...Try to do something nice for somebody..You'll make it...Sounds like you are doing fine....Hope your daughter feels better...And have a great meeting tonight..Let us know how it went...

feeling-good

Thanks Sapling - doing something nice for someone today is what I am taking with me - I haven't really done that today other than doing a nice hairdo for my daughter (lol). I think I need some company - I don't like being in an office on my own at work but I am getting a new office mate in a couple of weeks, so that's good. I sure won't drink today.

I hope my daughter feels better soon - it looks pretty bad, poor darling. I am looking forward to my meeting tonight and will post back either tonight or tomorrow.

Just before I read your last post, I prayed again and, together with your post, I do feel a bit better, so thanks very much!

bochuck

Have a wonderful day and a great night at your meeting. I know the feeling. I also know the feeling of waking up and smiling first thing in the morning because you haven't drank the night before.

Anna

I'm sorry you're feeling down, but know that you can find healthy ways to get through tough days. One thing I had to accept was that difficult days are part of life. Hopefully there aren't too many of them, but they do happen. Believe that tomorrow will be better.

I hope your daughter feels better too, and it's true that recovery is your priority, but balance in recovery is crucial for me.

feeling-good

[QUOTE=Anna;3314095] One thing I had to accept was that difficult days are part of life. Hopefully there aren't too many of them, but they do happen. Believe that tomorrow will be better. QUOTE]

I haven't yet learned how to deal with difficult days - in fact, despite all the many, many things in life I have 'coped' with, I have never learnt how to cope with *me*, iykwim. I am looking forward to when I am ready for steps 6 & 7....

It is much easier to believe that tomorrow will be better without drinking, though! :-)

Edited to add - sorry I messed up the quote.... :-/

Sapling

Don't thank me...

feeling-good

sugarbear1

Sobriety is action.

You are at work. They are paying you to be there doing something. Try focusing really hard and do some work. Get up and dust something so you are a bit more active. Do some more work. You'll get out of your own thinking and know that you've accomplished something. The day will be over soon enough and you'll be ready for tonight's meeting.

Alcoholics always want to base what they do based on how they feel. The typical person gets done what needs to be done, regardless of how they feel.

Enjoy a sober day!

wellwisher

I am grateful I have a job and happy to note that my employer depends on me; especially in light of how undependable I became when I was actively addicted. I choose to be dependable today.

I hold up my end of the bargain for having been given his/her trust.

I realize my state of mind is really dependent on what I CHOOSE to focus on.

I can change the slide in my viewmaster at any time.

If I am overwhelmed, I know I don't have to cover the entire length of the football field in one great leap. It is perfectly okay to get there one yard at a time and make the football field smaller.

It's OK that sometimes I fumble; part of the game; as long as I get back up.

Try it.....

Firehazard

High down.... Great news "This too shall pass as with all things" your are in withdrawl

stages and can last awhile. a friend in the program suggested to me when I was new to

take a hot bath once a day eat well and do the first three steps.

EASY DOES IT.... it gets much better

feeling-good

Well, I did manage to rouse myself and get some things done at the end of the day at work. I have some time over the weekend to make up.

The meeting was excellent - I related to something that everyone said. I acknowledged how lonely alcoholism has made me and how welcome I have been made to feel at AA.

I am in withdrawal, for sure - although the physical feelings have passed, the mental withdrawal is still happening. I know this too shall pass.

I am extremely fortunate to have such an understanding, tolerant and forgiving employer and to have my job which, when I focus, I am very good at. Tomorrow is another day and I will stand up strong and ask my HP to help me be there in the moment.

Thanks everyone.

Sapling

Right on!

macknacat

inspiring topic- and we get to watch the program working in your life.... thanks!

Purplecatlover

When I have had cravings after a "bad" day, I would think about all the atrocious things I did to myself, my husband, my child. I remember how I could've died numerous times, yet my HP kept me safe, kept my child from being motherless.

I think how I just wanted that good feeling of the first few drinks but that's never where it stopped. It was an all out falling down, busting my face, bruising my leg, screaming at my husband, passing out on the floor & my child thinking I'm dead, waking up in a puddle of my own vomit on the floor & having absolutely no memory of " my good time "

Alcohol deceives, my friend.
He will use you & lose you. Lie, cheat, & steal until your life is ruined.
Don't let him win. Play the tape to the end.
Your story may have hospitals, DUI,etc.
Our stories are different, but our enemy is the same.

Glad your AA meeting went well. Stay strong.