eh1988

So today I woke up extra early, 2 hours before I usually start getting ready for work. Well I decided to take my dog for a walk, after that I made a light breakfast, took a shower and headed out to work. I was feeling good the whole day at work, until my Boss let everyone know that he was gonna let everyone leave 2 hours early because he had some appointment that he needed to make. Well after hearing that I got kind of anxious, what am I gonna do with those extra 2 hours? On my drive home I start panicking....bad. Hands got shakey, light headed, feeling nautious, not a cool thing while driving. Unfortunately I made a stop at my local liquor store and picked up 2 tall cans. The clerk even told me "hey it's been a while since we've seen you!" that's embarrassing. Even more embarrassing buying beer a little after 3pm. Well I got my beers and headed home, anxious as all hell, can't believe I didn't crack one open on the way but I waited til I got home. I get home, didn't even bother to get my work bag or cell phone out of the car. Once I got inside I went to my kitchen, cracked open a beer and sat down at the kitchen table. I stared at that beer for nearly 30 minutes, when I went to take a drink I stopped myself and realized that my anxiety was completely gone, there wasn't a need to take a drink anymore. I cracked open the other beer and grabbed both of them and poured them down the sink. I'm ashamed of myself for slipping and actually buying beer and getting so close to drinking, but I'm proud of myself in a way because I stopped myself from taking a drink. Not sure if this means I have to start over at day 1.....

Anewlife4me11

Way to go !! I'm so glad to hear you didn't drink!!! So proud of you!

Sapling

I give you a lot of credit for that...If you didn't drink it's not a relapse....Not many alkies can pass that test...Good job.

Anewlife4me11

I don't think I could pass that test

desertsong

As someone who really did slip up last night, I give you a LOT of credit. Good job. Not an easy thing to do in early sobriety, but you did it. You give me hope.

eh1988

Thanks guys, I just feel like I let my fiance down even though I didn't even take a sip, I still bought it. Ugh, I better go get rid of these cans before she gets off work.

Rexfiles

Remarkable, and I really mean that.

I have N-E-V-E-R been able to do that, the purchase was the commitment for me.

You should be proud of you, for what it is worth, I am!!!!

Rex

newleaves2012

I would have SO drank that beer if that was me. scary stuff. you showed some strength right there. not a relapse if you didn't drink any.

katrinka

Wow, good for you, you are powerful!

eJoshua

That's awesome that you didn't drink!

Maybe next time you feel anxious and want to drink you should force yourself to think about it for 30 minutes before acting on your impulse. That way you won't have to waste money buying booze to pour down the sink.

eh1988

Hahaha I know right, I feel dumb for wasting 5 bucks. But then again I feel smart for not wasting 3 days.

Sharzy

Well done, That must have taken some will power to open it and not drink it. You should feel very proud.xx

Lily

Awesome Josh! I remember when I had six months I handled a bottle of vicodin in my cousins medicine chest. I looked at it...I entertained it....and I put it back!!

eh1988

I felt bad afterward but now I do feel like I have a lot more will power than I thought. I don't need this sh*t anymore, it gets in the way of every goal I set in life and I refuse to let it do that to me anymore.

Dee74

I'm glad you were able to pull out of that dive eh

D

eh1988

Thank you Dee!

ReadyAndAble

You can count that day double, far as I'm concerned.

PS: You've got grit, but next time just keep on driving until the urge passes.

Missy7

Good for you! I don't think I could do that. As someone above said, once I got hold of it, the jig was up. So, I think what you did is pretty cool. You bailed out at the second step. That's hard.

jrmar

That’s a tough spot.. feels good to make the right decision ....Way to go.....

Tippingpoint

Sometimes Dee posts a link to a technique that teaches you to ride the wave of the craving. That's something that I've enjoyed some success with.

Buddhist teaching would tell you to acknowledge the craving...meditate on it. Observe it with interest and curiosity. By doing this you will disassociate from it and as soon as you do that ...poof...it will be gone...like a puff of smoke.

I think you did exactly that last night...at least you had the awareness to acknowledge that the craving was no longer present.

Really good stuff and certainly something that you can build on for the future!

Maybe Dee will see this and post that link I was thinking of...