Do I have a problem?
Grateful to be free
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Do I have a problem?
Hi, I like cake. Some people say I have a problem with cake.
It started in college. In the cafeteria, I could eat as many pieces of cake as I wanted. Some days I would have two or three pieces. On the weekends, when it didn't matter if I ate myself sick, I'd sometimes get whole cakes. I'd eat cake all night.
Sometimes I puked on myself, or whatever. I mean, it was just fun, we'd all get together and eat cake till we were sick. Only on Fri and Sat, oh, and every other thurs, seems like there was cake everywhere.
I'm not in college now, but I still like cake. I have a couple of slices a night after dinner. On the weekends, I like to kick back with a couple of Pepperdige Farms frozen coconut cakes, a box of cupcakes, it's no big thing.
If we have people over, sometimes I'll have more than a few slices, I sometimes feel pretty crappy in the morning, sugar blues etc.
Is it a big deal to eat say...a cake and a half on a Sat night? I mean, does that mean I have a cake eating problem?
I read a lot of thread here about drinking. One of my addictions is also binge eating. When I use "cake" rather than "drinks", I think most people can easily see how ridiculously obvious it is that I have a cake problem.
I see people come up with all sorts of reasoning why 8 drinks isn't much, but if we saw someone eat 8 slices of cake it would be immediately obvious that this person had a serious issue.
Sometimes we don't hear how ridiculous what we are saying is because we've got a big old blind spot.
The fact that I can find someone who drinks more than me or eats more cake than me doesn't mean I don't have a problem
It started in college. In the cafeteria, I could eat as many pieces of cake as I wanted. Some days I would have two or three pieces. On the weekends, when it didn't matter if I ate myself sick, I'd sometimes get whole cakes. I'd eat cake all night.
Sometimes I puked on myself, or whatever. I mean, it was just fun, we'd all get together and eat cake till we were sick. Only on Fri and Sat, oh, and every other thurs, seems like there was cake everywhere.
I'm not in college now, but I still like cake. I have a couple of slices a night after dinner. On the weekends, I like to kick back with a couple of Pepperdige Farms frozen coconut cakes, a box of cupcakes, it's no big thing.
If we have people over, sometimes I'll have more than a few slices, I sometimes feel pretty crappy in the morning, sugar blues etc.
Is it a big deal to eat say...a cake and a half on a Sat night? I mean, does that mean I have a cake eating problem?
I read a lot of thread here about drinking. One of my addictions is also binge eating. When I use "cake" rather than "drinks", I think most people can easily see how ridiculously obvious it is that I have a cake problem.
I see people come up with all sorts of reasoning why 8 drinks isn't much, but if we saw someone eat 8 slices of cake it would be immediately obvious that this person had a serious issue.
Sometimes we don't hear how ridiculous what we are saying is because we've got a big old blind spot.
The fact that I can find someone who drinks more than me or eats more cake than me doesn't mean I don't have a problem
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
It's kind of sad...I think I had my first beer at the age of 12...I liked it...By the age of 15 I knew I wasn't drinking like normal people. I grew up with alcohol around me....Large family...Lot of parties...Lot of alcohol. I didn't finally give up till last July 1st....At the age of 51..I just couldn't do it any more....It amazes me I was given the chances to live through what I have been through...But the damage I left in the wake of my drinking career to myself and others is just something I could never have imagined. One thing I did find out...As this deadly disease progressed...Is the worse I got...The less I would ask myself if I had a problem...It's claws were in me that bad. If I could go back and do something different...It would probably be taking a harder look at what I thought when I was 15.
Grateful to be free
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Sapling, I grew up in a violent household. We were also the house of straight A students, great athletes, with a pew in church every Sunday. So of course I assumed that whatever happened at home must be OK. Drinking? OK. Hitting? OK.
Humiliation and name calling? OK.
It wasn't an intentional blind spot I was dealing with or a denial born of my not wanting to take responsibility, I genuinely could not see, identify and understand that it was a PROBLEM. Doing so went against my upbringing. Calling foul meant admitting and accepting that my entire family was messed up. There was a lot of internal and external pressure NOT to go there.
I think that is why it is critical for so many of us to have a large, varied support group in recovery. We need a lot of voices of different backrounds, ages, and experiences to say "yeah, that is really messed up" so we can believe it deeply enough to stay committed to change.
Even though my childhood was in many ways a nightmare, I still feel myself wanting to be able to believe it was OK and I can stop trying to challenge the crazy crap that was beaten into my head.
Growing up, I was berated and humiliated and punished for eating more than my fair share of twinkies by people who got wasted and drunk regularly and beat the crap out of me several times a week. I wonder why I thought that booze and violence were ok, but eating cake was a "sin".
Recovery is so much more than changing an annoying or unhealthy behavior, there are so many ingrained ideas that we must address to get our lives on track, that is the real challenge for many of us...we can put down the drugs or booze, but then there is this mountain of crap to face...it can feel so much easier to just pick up again.
Sometimes I feel like screaming "tell me when it's ok to look again" concerning my life. I'll only open my eyes when the bad part is over...That's a good strategy with scary movies, but doesn't work with life.
What I need is a hand to hold while I walk through the scary parts, rather than hands over my eyes.
Humiliation and name calling? OK.
It wasn't an intentional blind spot I was dealing with or a denial born of my not wanting to take responsibility, I genuinely could not see, identify and understand that it was a PROBLEM. Doing so went against my upbringing. Calling foul meant admitting and accepting that my entire family was messed up. There was a lot of internal and external pressure NOT to go there.
I think that is why it is critical for so many of us to have a large, varied support group in recovery. We need a lot of voices of different backrounds, ages, and experiences to say "yeah, that is really messed up" so we can believe it deeply enough to stay committed to change.
Even though my childhood was in many ways a nightmare, I still feel myself wanting to be able to believe it was OK and I can stop trying to challenge the crazy crap that was beaten into my head.
Growing up, I was berated and humiliated and punished for eating more than my fair share of twinkies by people who got wasted and drunk regularly and beat the crap out of me several times a week. I wonder why I thought that booze and violence were ok, but eating cake was a "sin".
Recovery is so much more than changing an annoying or unhealthy behavior, there are so many ingrained ideas that we must address to get our lives on track, that is the real challenge for many of us...we can put down the drugs or booze, but then there is this mountain of crap to face...it can feel so much easier to just pick up again.
Sometimes I feel like screaming "tell me when it's ok to look again" concerning my life. I'll only open my eyes when the bad part is over...That's a good strategy with scary movies, but doesn't work with life.
What I need is a hand to hold while I walk through the scary parts, rather than hands over my eyes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Threshold 
Recovery is so much more than changing an annoying or unhealthy behavior, there are so many ingrained ideas that we must address to get our lives on track, that is the real challenge for many of us...we can put down the drugs or booze, but then there is this mountain of crap to face....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I have had both a birthday cake in the house and a bottle of wine. Well, wine is gone, now, day one again...
Cake still there, but I do have a little cake problem as well. I would get rid of the cake(more easily than the wine, lol) but I made it for my husband! it is hard to give it all up. But my sugar was a tad high this am after a big piece last night...
Good analogy.
Cake still there, but I do have a little cake problem as well. I would get rid of the cake(more easily than the wine, lol) but I made it for my husband! it is hard to give it all up. But my sugar was a tad high this am after a big piece last night...
Good analogy.
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