Krystal32

It's been a little while since I posted and I just wanted to update everyone. My fiance just got home from rehab on Monday after being gone for 2 months and I have to say it was an extremely emotional reunion. Seeing his face after that long was amazing. I saw the difference right away. He put on weight which is very noticable in his face. His eyes so big and clear, he just looks happy and healthy finally.

I'm not going to lie, it's been extremely overwhelming since he's been home. I didn't realize all the different emotions I was going to experience. It's been a lot to take in. We have talked about how I've been feeling and how he's been feeling and they have been good constructive talks. It was hard for me not to feel the way I use to before he went in, the obsessing and worrying. I actually felt more at ease when he was away and I told him this and he said that was understandable. He says he's nervous being home but that it's a good nervous. But as soon as I started to feel these overwhelming feelings I opened up about it right away to a close friend of mine from SR and of course, now I am on here expressing those feelings. I'm sure a good part of it is I'm days away from giving birth to my daughter so my emotions are all over the place

I just know that I DO NOT want to go back to MY old ways with the constant worry and questioning. It really is different now that he's home. When he wasn't here of course it was easy not to focus on what he was doing and to keep the focus on myself. But honestly, it's been a challenge to maintain that since he got back and it's freaking me out. I just need to remind myself of what my boundaries are and that I need to not obsess over what he's doing for his recovery. I just don't want to lose sight of myself cause I know I have come a long way in the past 2 months and I refuse to backtrack. I tried finding a alanon or naranon meeting near me but everything is pretty far from where I live. I've got to find something though. I need another outlet. Thank god I have this website and a good friend who understands also. But I do need that face to face interaction. I am on medicaid, so I don't know if they would be able to set me up with some kind of counseling? I've got to get something rolling for myself though. I am kicking myself in the booty for not jumping on this sooner. And I know so many of you told me time and again to get to a meeting. So, reprimand me if you must

But I am posting cause I'm just needing some of those encouraging words and some support. My mind is feeling a little clouded from just being flat out exhausted from this pregnancy on top of all that's going on. Thanks for listening everyone.

wicked

Excellent Krystal32! Keep the focus on your recovery.

Yes, Medicaid can help you, my children were both helped tremendously by medicaid here in Michigan. There was also an Easter Seals program, they could help you too, because you are a mom in some distress. Easter Seals was great too.

Try calling the closest meeting and tell them your problem, maybe someone would be willing to come to your house. IF you didn't live 647 miles away, I would be there right now.

I just remembered to check your county too, they have resources and information which could be helpful to you.

Support and big hugs for the mama to be!

Beth

PS No wonder your emotions are all over, I cried over coffee commercials late in my pregnancy. Geez, your hormones are all over! Ask for your hubbies support.

:ghug3 :ghug3 :ghug3

ctg492

Stay strong and healthy for you and your baby!

Krystal32

Thank you wicked for the tips, that helps a lot. I will look into all of that. 647 miles would be a little out of your way, haha

My baby isn't due until the 6th but I tell ya, I'm so beyond ready to have her. One second I'm doing just fine and then the next I'm ready to rip someones head off if they look at me wrong and then the second after that I want to cry! Ugh, it's crazy and on top of the emotional roller coaster I'm on, I cannot get comfortable to save my life. When it rains, it pours, right?

lonelystar

first congrats on the baby, how awesome!!!, i know what your feeling in terms of having your addict back at home, when my son came back home i was a jumble of nerves, just goes to show you how much work i have on myself in terms of letting go, just try to take one day at a time and yes some kind of therapy sounds great i am also looking to go into therapy asap, anway good luck

Krystal32

Thanks for your post lonelystar, it really helps to know that there's someone who can relate to exactly how I feel. A jumble of nerves is the PERFECT way to describe it. I wish you luck in finding therapy for yourself also, god knows we both need it

KelleyF

Krystal,

Congratulations on the new baby!

Ive been following your threads; we both came to SR around the same time.
I'm so glad that your fiancé finished rehab; that is a great first step.
I wish you and your expanding' family much health and happiness!

Kel

zoso77

Just remember that, like his recovery is a day at a time, so is yours. You're going to have some days that are better than others. And there's likely to be a lot of uncomfortable feelings you'll have to sit with. Remember that's OK; they're just feelings.

That's too bad the Al Anon/Nar Anon meetings are so far away, as they are helpful. A friend of mine in the program likes to say that it's important to allow the addict in recovery the dignity to make their own decisions. That will be important to remember in the days to come. Keep the focus on you.

Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. And congratulations on expecting a child.

ZoSo

Krystal32

Zoso, I just wanted to thank you for your post. You said a lot of things that I really needed to hear. I can be pretty hard on myself and I need to be reminded that it's ok to have the feelings that I'm having. I also wanted to say that it seems like you have come a long ways since you and your girlfriend broke up. I don't comment on your threads but I have followed them and you really seemed to have gained a lot of strength and I give you credit for being able to pick yourself back up the way you have and get yourself on the road to recovery from such a horrid situation.

zoso77

Krystal,

Thank you for your kind words.

When I first started in Al Anon, I met with a guy from the program over coffee. This was several months ago. I was having a hard time and said so, and he said to me that I needed to change the way I think. Specifically I needed to work on gratitude. And he was right. A lot of times, when we're up to our necks in our own situation, we often don't take the time to be thankful for what we do have. In my case, I have an unbelievable support system that I literally thank God for every day.

These days, I'm not only relieved my AXGF is gone, I'm glad. I wouldn't be able to live the life I'm living right now if she were in the picture. I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now. And while I'm revolted and sickened by her, when I say my prayers at night, I pray for her safety and pray that she starts making better decisions for herself.

When things get too hard for you, it's OK to ask your Higher Power for help. It's OK to pray that your burden be lessened. Believe or not, it does work. Treat yourself with compassion.

Best wishes to both of you going forward. And I'm always around to talk.

ZoSo

tjp613

Hey Krystal! God bless you during this very stressful time. I'm many years past my pregnancies (!) so I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. SO much going on!! I just wonder if you can try to focus on the present moment...staying in the "now". When you find yourself getting anxious, focus on your breathing and be mindful of only the things around you right now. Go to a window (if its too cold out) and look at what's going on.... kids playing outside, the birds looking for food, the way the wind whips the trees, how the sun makes everything sparkle with life. Just breathe and take a moment to feel your beautiful baby inside of you. Enjoy the taste of a crisp apple or the smell of rolls baking in the oven. Listen to soothing piano music...really listen. I think if you can practice "being present" you will find a calm place to rest. When you find your mind racing around, try again.... just breathe and notice the things around you and the way your body is feeling. Take a moment to release any tension in your body. Breathe in calm, breathe out anxiety.

It's a beautiful world and your baby is the expression of all that is good. (((hugs)))

Krystal32

Hey Krystal! God bless you during this very stressful time. I'm many years past my pregnancies (!) so I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. SO much going on!! I just wonder if you can try to focus on the present moment...staying in the "now". When you find yourself getting anxious, focus on your breathing and be mindful of only the things around you right now. Go to a window (if its too cold out) and look at what's going on.... kids playing outside, the birds looking for food, the way the wind whips the trees, how the sun makes everything sparkle with life. Just breathe and take a moment to feel your beautiful baby inside of you. Enjoy the taste of a crisp apple or the smell of rolls baking in the oven. Listen to soothing piano music...really listen. I think if you can practice "being present" you will find a calm place to rest. When you find your mind racing around, try again.... just breathe and notice the things around you and the way your body is feeling. Take a moment to release any tension in your body. Breathe in calm, breathe out anxiety.

It's a beautiful world and your baby is the expression of all that is good. (((hugs)))


Thank you so much for this tjp613 , I LOVE it. I am normally one of those people that will take the time to stop and enjoy the small things. It's so easy to lose sight of that when there's so much going on. Thank you for the reminder, that will definitely help me from losing my mind