Itsastart

Hi All,
I have been with my guy for almost 10 years and he has worked out of town for 8 1/2 of those years and when he came home we let our hair down and drank. it always was well he hasn't been home in weeks and wants to relax.
Then would come the weeks he was home and I would say I can't drink everyday like you, he didn't like drinking by himself. well fast forward to August 2010 he came home for good (lost work) and decided he had been out of town for 2 long we have 2 boys 1 each 4 months apart, and wanted to be in his sons life more and home with me and my little guy. we have lost everything the last few years, My Mom Passed forecloser on our dream home, his truck taken back, you name it . It has been hell. but on top of all that he drank every night never missed a night until this Saturday.

something happened that was just the last straw for me and I can not be on this roller coaster anymore, the last few months our relationship has not been good and He is not a bad guy just can not see his life ever getting better, and is stuck on what he used to have and how much he used to make.
I almost called 911 and had him removed but instead I called 2 of his good friends and his brother, and wanted on of them to come get him, His brother said just throw him out on his ass. He then got up Saturday like nothing had happened and I told him that this was not going away and that he had a choice try to work this out and no alcohol at all.
He thinks he can stop at anytime and that he only did it to relax and go to sleep, well we got threw Saturday doing good and talking, Sunday he woke up saying see I can stop, and thought that would be it and he could drink Sunday if he wanted to. because of what happen I can not back down on this and said you need to really make a choice either me or the blue can.
he agreed to 3 months and then go from there.
we are on day 4 and are both kinda bored, he is a little hyper but doing well so far, I told him I had joined here and he said last night see what to do when your are bored.
I am worried that he can not do it but I Hope will all my heart he can. I guess what I really want to know is can you force someone to get sober and have it work.

jjc81

My hubby drank just to drink, definitely not a social drinker he would drink on his way home from work and he'd drink what he called a 5th bottle in about an hour. Not only did it alter his personality it made him tired and lazy. It was his way of "dealing" with stress. So one day after a very explosive argument I told either he were to quit immediately or I would take our children and leave. He quit. I did not check his breath or search his vehicle, I knew he hadn't drank. As you know you can tell. I wish your husband and you the very best, as someone who is 17 days sober and also a wife who's been where you are, each day to me got better. Each day had it's own hurdles but they don't seem as large if you can jump them together. This site is also a great place, I know it's helped me and given me strength in times of need. Please encourage your husband to join.

suki44883

Anything is possible, but it isn't likely, and no you cannot force someone to quit drinking if they don't want to quit. Ultimatums rarely work and never work if you aren't willing to follow through. Instead of ultimatums, we suggest setting boundaries for yourself. These are like rules you make with yourself regarding what you will and will not tolerate. Instead of telling someone not to drink, a boundary would be...I will not be around someone who is drinking. I will not live with an active alcoholic. This way, you aren't telling them what to do, you are setting the boundary of what YOU will or will not accept.

Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here. Please read the stickie posts at the top of this forum. There is a lot of helpful information there.

Itsastart

jjc,
thank you , the last 4 days have been better the any in months, I hope all continues to go well for you. I am taking one day at a time.

Itsastart

Skui,
I hear ya and kinda feel that way too, but I have no choice in this and know he knows that. Its to the point of where I could loose custody of my son and that is just not an option for me and he knows that.

nodaybut2day

Can you please explain why you would lose custody of your son? Is your partner the biological father?

Itsastart

No he is the step dad and a gun was involved on Friday night

lillamy

We're not supposed to give advice, but I can tell you that I took my children and ran for a lesser weapon than that. Your first responsibility is to keep yourself and your child safe. Please make sure you don't bet your life on your husband staying sober. It's too dangerous a gamble.

suki44883

I'm totally confused. What happened Friday night? Who had the gun? If you are in danger, get yourself and your child out of there.

Itsastart

It was not used toward me or my son but himself, and I have told his whole family about what has happened, His Mom thinks I am making this bigger then what it is and still hasn't even called to talk to him. I grew up with guns and when I tell you this is the 1st time he has ever done this it is. but with that he knows he crossed a line that can never be crossed again because next time might not turn out the way this time did so there is no next time ever.

LaTeeDa

My suggestion to you is to put together a plan B. The sooner the better. I was married to an alcoholic for 20 years. During that time there were many (yes, many) ultimatums and promises. Once, he stopped drinking for four months due to an ultimatum I gave him. He was angry and resentful because I took away his "fun."

There is no way to tell if yours will stayed stopped or not. Best not to put all your eggs in that basket.

L

nodaybut2day

My XAH had a gun in our apartment. And many knives. He never EVER pulled the gun out on himself or anyone else, but simply knowing that it was there (he made me hold it and showed me how to use it), freaked the hell out of me. As for the knives, well, XAH was a cutter and he would self-injure and then come show me to blame me for "hurting" him. All that put together really motivated me to leave.

Considering the fact your partner has already pulled out his weapon, I would strongly advise looking into leaving....

Furthermore, I don't see how you could lose custody of your son if the person you are referring to in your post is the stepfather...

Itsastart

Lateedee,

I have that all ready set up . and while I hope that he can do this for his own good and the boys I am at the point of maybe we could get back the love we had, but am in a good place with myself and strong emotionally that if he can't I wish him the best and wish him well.

Itsastart

Noday,

It was my gun, and we struggled over it and my son was home playing xbox with a head set so he didn't hear anything that went on. there was no note so until they would have ruled out that I didn't do it to him my son would have been sent to his Dads, and the damage that it would have done to my child would have been devastating along with how I would have handled it mentally I have no idea so many things could have gone wrong that night.

Pelican

Based on the proven fact that alcoholism is progressive, a relapse may get uglier than Friday night.

I encourage you to lock up/remove any firearms in your possession. I also encourage you to leave at the first sign of a relapse.

Itsastart

Anvil,
we live on top of a mountain My Moms House and there are lots of coyotes and I come from a family of hunters, the bullets are all ready locked up and put away, and like I said he has never touched a gun in that way before but Pelican is 100 % right the gun could have gone off and killed either my son or me. I was raised very strick when it comes to guns, my Dad was Army, State Trooper and then in the sheriffs office and I have been on the range since age 5, I know how bad things could have gone and I think it scared my fiance ( we are engaged) enough to realized that he needs to stop, but he might not be able to or want to and that is gonna be his choice, he has never been violent with me some yelling and arguments, but again I am not willing to take a chance on the next time.
That why It was and either or choice I gave him, and while for both of our boys I am willing to give it a try, they have been together since they were 3 and whos know he maybe able to get out of this depression and back into a life again and I hope he can , but if not then he will have to go.

choublak

You say that like it's the most normal thing in the world.

Itsastart

there is nothing normal about any of what I posted here today,
I can't wait to get back to a normal life again

I am going to sign off for today, but I will read as much as I can in the morning both boys are on vacation and His son is coming over tomorrow for a few days, he's ex wife and I have a good relationship as does he with her and she knows what happened also. He is not a bad person and has a huge heart, he just has lost hope and drinking has made that so much worst.
weather we make it through this or not I hope someday he is Happy again and enjoys his life.
just gonna take it one day at a time.

choublak

Guns and mentally unstable people in the same house?

Pelican

Alcohol is a depressant. It is not helpful to depressed individuals. It also does not mix with medication.
I am glad he is giving up the alcohol.

How are you today?