Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
Hello
Well, this is a big step for me. People have been telling me that I have had a problem for a while. It finally donned on me that they had my best interests in mind and weren't just harping on me.
I'm 26. I'm on my second marriage.
This time around I have a beautiful little girl who I now live my life for.
I've always thought that I could use moderation as a means to solve my problem, but it's becoming increasingly clear that it doesn't work for me.
Interestingly enough I guess you could call my a "high functioning" alcoholic. It's never interfered with work or school.. well, not a noticeable amount... But, it always hits home pretty hard.
I rarely drink in public as I don't want to embarrass myself or anyone else or even get in trouble. but it has created a recluse out of me.
Due to my current job I haven't been able to seek the help I need. See, they don't support alcoholism. They offer plenty of ways to help yourself, but it always ends in termination if you don't meet their "standard" definition of having recovered. With my amazing wife and beautiful daughter.... termination is not an option. It's almost as if I'd rather just take my chances than know that if I seek help I'll lose my ability to take care of them.
Ugh... Well, I'm rambling on here.
I'm just looking for some support of some kind. I don't really know where to start.
I'm 26. I'm on my second marriage.
This time around I have a beautiful little girl who I now live my life for.
I've always thought that I could use moderation as a means to solve my problem, but it's becoming increasingly clear that it doesn't work for me.
Interestingly enough I guess you could call my a "high functioning" alcoholic. It's never interfered with work or school.. well, not a noticeable amount... But, it always hits home pretty hard.
I rarely drink in public as I don't want to embarrass myself or anyone else or even get in trouble. but it has created a recluse out of me.
Due to my current job I haven't been able to seek the help I need. See, they don't support alcoholism. They offer plenty of ways to help yourself, but it always ends in termination if you don't meet their "standard" definition of having recovered. With my amazing wife and beautiful daughter.... termination is not an option. It's almost as if I'd rather just take my chances than know that if I seek help I'll lose my ability to take care of them.
Ugh... Well, I'm rambling on here.
I'm just looking for some support of some kind. I don't really know where to start.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
High functioning alcoholics are the alive ones. (my opinion)
Alcoholics Anonymous was started because everyone was a high functioning alcoholic who wanted to remain anonymous due to their reputation(s).
Welcome to a supportive site! Glad you are here!
Alcoholics Anonymous was started because everyone was a high functioning alcoholic who wanted to remain anonymous due to their reputation(s).
Welcome to a supportive site! Glad you are here!
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
HI TOOLOW! You have come to the right place for support! I am glad to see that you have made the decision to change your ways by not drinking alcohol anymore! Your wife and daughter are all that matter AFTER YOU!!! 
Stay strong!! I wish you the best of luck!
Stay strong!! I wish you the best of luck!
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
HI TOOLOW! You have come to the right place for support! I am glad to see that you have made the decision to change your ways by not drinking alcohol anymore! Your wife and daughter are all that matter AFTER YOU!!! Your recovery will help them as well. Stay strong!! I wish you the best of luck!
Your recovery will help them as well. Stay strong!! I wish you the best of luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
We nuked the other three - no worries TooLow
You can seek help anytime you like - many people here haven't gone through their job to seek help - I think work help is great but it's obviously not applicable for everyone
A lot of people just like to recover quietly and mind their own affairs
I'm a little puzzled by 'not meeting their definition of recovery' tho...do you mean your definitions differ?
D
You can seek help anytime you like - many people here haven't gone through their job to seek help - I think work help is great but it's obviously not applicable for everyone
A lot of people just like to recover quietly and mind their own affairs
I'm a little puzzled by 'not meeting their definition of recovery' tho...do you mean your definitions differ?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by TooLow 
See, they don't support alcoholism. They offer plenty of ways to help yourself, but it always ends in termination if you don't meet their "standard" definition of having recovered.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi TooLow! It's wonderful to have you with us. You weren't rambling at all - we understand how you feel.
I tried moderation to deal with my alcohol problem. It failed terribly, and with horrific results. At 26 I was decades away from realizing I couldn't touch the stuff. So - you are doing far better than I did by admitting the problem now, while you're young enough to get your life back. I think you should be proud of that.
You've made a great start by telling your story. Let us know how you're doing, we care.
I tried moderation to deal with my alcohol problem. It failed terribly, and with horrific results. At 26 I was decades away from realizing I couldn't touch the stuff. So - you are doing far better than I did by admitting the problem now, while you're young enough to get your life back. I think you should be proud of that.
You've made a great start by telling your story. Let us know how you're doing, we care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Dee74
We nuked the other three - no worries TooLow
You can seek help anytime you like - many people here haven't gone through their job to seek help - I think work help is great but it's obviously not applicable for everyone
A lot of people just like to recover quietly and mind their own affairs
I'm a little puzzled by 'not meeting their definition of recovery' tho...do you mean your definitions differ?
D
You can seek help anytime you like - many people here haven't gone through their job to seek help - I think work help is great but it's obviously not applicable for everyone
A lot of people just like to recover quietly and mind their own affairs
I'm a little puzzled by 'not meeting their definition of recovery' tho...do you mean your definitions differ?
D
But I'm in the Military. There's a program called ADAPT.
They nice people, but they seem to harp on the same ole stuff saying it's negative to your health and it costs a lot. Gee... I had no idea!
Anyways. A friend of mine (more like acquaintance) volunteered for the program.. This dude had it rough... Well, eventually, even after self-referral, he was discharged... and it was fast too. Now, I don't know the specifics of everything, but it is to my understanding that he missed a couple of "required" appointments. That's a big deal in the military. He claims that at the end of the program he still didn't have a problem with drinking, but was going to moderate it. Well, they didn't like that... or so he says. Like I said, I don't know all the specifics, but that's no option for me.
As for my wife. She knows about the problem and is constantly encouraging me to seek help. I have (in the past) only shrugged it off to say that it wasn't all that serious. The problem is that I get confrontational when I drink. Not abusive, but I call out all of the "holes" in her story or accuse her of trying to control me. While I know that's not the truth, it's easier for me to cope that way.
Anyhow, again I'm spilling my guts.
Thank you for the support. You guys are impressively quick to respond! Not what I expected!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Yeah, you need to get some help and I would keep it separate from work. I've told only one person at work that I consider myself an alcoholic, and I work at a very liberal place. I don't want anyone assessing me with that lens.
And alcohol is a real part of the military, as i recall from a prior life. So you need to get strong and fast. But you know that or you wouldn't be here.
Welcome to SR
And alcohol is a real part of the military, as i recall from a prior life. So you need to get strong and fast. But you know that or you wouldn't be here.
Welcome to SR
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Sorry I wasn't trying to get you to divulge any more than you wanted to, just trying to understand where you're at
I don't know about the military but there's a lot of things to try in the general community:
Here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like Rational Recovery or SMART
D
I don't know about the military but there's a lot of things to try in the general community:
Here's some links to some of the main players, including AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach, like Rational Recovery or SMART
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
Yeah, there is AA... I plan on calling them tomorrow. I actually looked up the phone number tonight. I was even impressed by the fact that they have an emergency 24 hour number.
What makes all this even harder is the fact that I'm in Germany. Home of the best beers known to man.
Please let me know if this is common. I'm sure it is... but, I love beer. The taste, smell, everything. But I don't seem to be able to stop at one. I want so bad to be able to continue to enjoy the beer here, but it's difficult to stop.
Please keep in mind that I'm around a lot of people on a constant basis that are younger than me and they drink a lot more. Interestingly enough, the legal drinking age here is 18.. That also includes U.S. Military! But it makes it tough to try and recover when all my friends drink... even though they seem to be able to exhibit more control in the end.
This is tough for me because I've never really had anyone that I could discuss this stuff with. I imagine AA will probably be nice because there will be people here that I can relate with, but prior to finding this site I've never really been able to be open about this stuff.
Oh, and for the record... my dad was an alcoholic. He had a pretty bad wreck after drinking and driving.. Pretty much destroyed the most beautiful classic Ford truck I had ever known... after that they told him that his liver was so bad that if he ever drank again he would die. Now he's sober. Probably the better part of 20 years. It makes it real for me.... but it's still so hard to stop.
What makes all this even harder is the fact that I'm in Germany. Home of the best beers known to man.
Please let me know if this is common. I'm sure it is... but, I love beer. The taste, smell, everything. But I don't seem to be able to stop at one. I want so bad to be able to continue to enjoy the beer here, but it's difficult to stop.
Please keep in mind that I'm around a lot of people on a constant basis that are younger than me and they drink a lot more. Interestingly enough, the legal drinking age here is 18.. That also includes U.S. Military! But it makes it tough to try and recover when all my friends drink... even though they seem to be able to exhibit more control in the end.
This is tough for me because I've never really had anyone that I could discuss this stuff with. I imagine AA will probably be nice because there will be people here that I can relate with, but prior to finding this site I've never really been able to be open about this stuff.
Oh, and for the record... my dad was an alcoholic. He had a pretty bad wreck after drinking and driving.. Pretty much destroyed the most beautiful classic Ford truck I had ever known... after that they told him that his liver was so bad that if he ever drank again he would die. Now he's sober. Probably the better part of 20 years. It makes it real for me.... but it's still so hard to stop.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by TooLow
Please let me know if this is common. I'm sure it is... but, I love beer. The taste, smell, everything. But I don't seem to be able to stop at one. I want so bad to be able to continue to enjoy the beer here, but it's difficult to stop.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
It was common for me too - I used to love beer, but I drank past that and hated it by the end...still couldn't stop drinking...it nearly (literally) killed me.
You're wise to get out before you hit that point TooLow
D
You're wise to get out before you hit that point TooLow
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
find your strength 
Congratulations, TooLow. It takes such an incredibly strong person to admit there is even the possibility of a problem. I'm not sure how you feel about religion, but I have found God to be my greatest help and refuge. Also, on the days I feel God has forgotten me, I remember my own family. My husband and two children support me in every single endeavor. I pray and hope you may be able to find comfort, solace, support and recovery in yourself, your family, and your beliefs. Best wishes, you're already doing so well!
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