Wonderland

I have met some very nice people here, however, I am very lonely and am having a hard time coping with the anxiety surrounding my drinking, as well as physical problems. It seemed as if the chat forum would be a great way for me to discuss these things with others who are going through this right now, but it seems that talking about current drinking is shunned, medical problems are somewhat off-limits, and mental problems have their own separate room. I am considering moderation, instead of abstaining completely, but there is no support for that kind of thinking here, it seems.
I just feel so alone in this. Meh, thanks for listening to my emo whining.

Faintsaint

Hey Wonder, you aren't alone. I myself feel an enormous amount of anxiety about my drinking habits. I feel upset about letting myself down, about how physically ill I feel right now, and what I put my girlfriend through.Shame. I can't shake the anxious feeling I'm having. it's keeping me up at night-right now as a matter of fact.

I was struggling with the idea of complete abstinence myself because I am a binge drinker. I can go months without any true binges, but when I do start one I drink very heavily and will be sick for days at a time. I'm sick right now.

I used to tell myself that because it was only random occasions that it wasn't that bad, but the past few days I've spent not only kicking myself, but really looking at what I've done. I was lying to myself. I drink more than I thought, and drinking has caused many many problems in my life that at the time, I pretended were other causes.

It has really hurt to realize this things, but part of me feels better too. There is a faint light at the end of the tunnel. It's a ways off, but its there.

My advice to you is truly look at yourself and think about how your drinking has affected you and others around you. I've decided that abstinence is what I need in my life. I don't want to feel like I do right now ever again.

Thank you for your post.

Missy7

You are right that there is sometimes an intolerance of current drinking discussions, and sometimes there is a sense that some people are impatient with people who are really, if stupidly strugging.

But I will say that you will find people intolerant of the idea of moderation--because so many have tried it and failed. I too would prefer moderation to abstinence, but I know I can't do it. Whether I am successful in staying quit or not, I know for a fact I am incapable of moderation. in fact, I'm perfectly capable of staying quit so long as I don't have a single drink. But one drink and I'm all in. That's not pleasant, but it's true.

I hope you are successful, both here and in your own space.

Dee74

Hi Wonderland

I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

I'm not a big fan of moderation - I think most people who come here have already tried that - I realise it's your choice to make & you're free to do what you want, but I think most people here are probably just trying to help you not make the same mistakes they did

I'm sorry - genuinely - if you're feeling alienated by that. We're not in the business of running people off here

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I came here either - I remember feeling like maybe this wasn't for me too - but I'm glad I stuck it out here - I really do think it's one of the best places for recovery support on the net

D

augustwest

well this is the newcomers to recovery board. recovery means abstinence. but that doesn't mean you're not welcome to participate in any of these discussions. I hope that the posts you read are not overly harsh but you have to understand that moderation is a subject that causes most of us to recoil in horror because we've tried it countless times to no avail. good luck in your journey.

Dee74

welcome to you faintsaint

D

Taking5

I think if you post in the forums rather than use chat, then you'll get a warmer reception.

Wonderland

See, this is what bothers me. "Recovery" may mean abstinence to most of you, but for me it means regaining control of my over-drinking. I think it is driving many people away, this idea that "recovery" must fit a specific mold. If I am trying to regain happiness and health, then how am I not "in recovery"?

augustwest

hey all I really care about is your life getting better. however you achieve that is up to you. I'm just telling you the vernacular. you're not likely to find people who equate recovery with continued drinking or substance use. control and moderation is the addicts #1 hobby. most of us find it impossible. many of us die trying. I wish you the best.

Dee74

see thats the thing Wonderland....

I tried for fully 20 years to regain control of my over drinking - I literally put myself through hell week after week, trying failing trying failing - and I think most of us could identify with that struggle.

I really do hope that you can do what I couldn't, but it would be wrong of me not to share my experience.

D

augustwest

tilting at windmills

Wonderland

I am here for support, from people undergoing similar struggles, and I appreciate that. I do not embrace, though, the idea that "recovery" is a patented term that means the same thing for everyone. I also do not think that "control and moderation" is an impossible task that is the pipe-dream of addicts. There are millions of people who control and moderate quite successfully. I'm sorry if many of you feel that you can not do that, but why make me feel like I'm just an addict, grasping at straws, for trying? That doesn't help, in fact, it sends me running for a beer.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel that way wonderland - I understand because I felt that same way too - but I'm sorry because the best day of my life was when I gave up that pipe dream.

We're all different sure, but I think we're all the same in one respect - we've all been locked in a terrible relationship with alcohol than none of us ever wanted to give up.

I sent you some links for places you might find more comfortable.

D

FLA

Go read my old thread, I thought moderately drinking and just drinking on the weekends was ok. Then I spiraled out of control in a matter of a month after coming here. Sometimes you have to find out on your own. But if your wise and realize why you actually came here you'll realize that it's better to just ask for help and become sober. Keep posting and keep your head up, Good luck and feel better

Wonderland

Thanks, Dee. I don't belong among people, perhaps. Not so great with rules and rigid definitions. I will try on my own, I guess.

augustwest

this board is called soberrecovery.com. recovery may not be a patented term, but in place called sober recovery it stands to reason that being sober, ie abstinent, is what we're aiming for. its not the opinions of a few, its widely accepted that the only guaranteed refuge for the alcoholic is 100% abstinence. I'm certain that people learn to moderate. more power to them! I hope you can too. but you are going to find that most of us here talking about recovery had to achieve our successes with a foundation of abstinence, and lord knows it ain't for lack of trying to moderate.

nobodys making you feel any way or driving you to drink. those matters are on you. I wish you the best. I hope you can drink like normal people. if you find you cant, well this board is full of folks who are living life entirely free of booze and drugs.

Wonderland

Well, glad you made that clear. I'll say my good-byes to my chat mates.

augustwest

FLA is exhibit A. thanks for posting FLA. I also recommend reading his thread. And FLA, your discovery was awesome to witness in those pages. thanks for your honest sharing.

Dee74

I wouldn't want anyone not to feel welcome here....but by the same token, we just can't be all things to everyone either.

If you decide to leave, the door never closes here Wonderland - if you ever find you need us (& I hope you won't) we'll be here

D

augustwest

Wonderland, I'm not trying to run you off. I stated that in my first post. I was trying to explain the reality of the views of people regarding recovery. I respect that you're sensitive right now and apologize if my post rubbed you the wrong way. I was only trying to explain.

don't leave because of me. hell I'm just some anonymous drug addict on a message board. my only true wish is for all alcoholics and addicts to find some refuge from their pain and suffering.