kam00096

Not regarding drinking. Day 3 and I definitely don't want a drink. Am just finding it really difficult as my parents keep making decisions for/ about me without telling me. I understand they no longer trust me and I will have to spend a long time working on that, and that they only want to help me, but i'm 28 and I need to work through things myself. Examples over the last couple of days include my mum going to see my doctor to get my AD dose increased and my dad emailing someone about a possible job vacancy I hadn't decided I was going to apply for without telling me. Cue lots more shouting and upset this morning. I just feel like I'm being pressurised into making decisions before I'm ready to.

Sapling

You're 28 years old...You're a big boy now......That's crazy they are doing all this stuff for you. Why don't you just pack your bags and hit the road?....Do this stuff yourself...

kam00096

Guess they're treating it like an intervention. If it wasn't for the fact I'm not working at the moment and I do want their support I would leave and i will as soon as I get a job and am feeling better.

instant

I guess they mean well. Some people have no support. Can you see it working there for you?

kam00096

I know I'm lucky to have them and that they're only trying to help but there's got to be some sort of balance. Just feel like I might end up regreting things I'm deciding about now because they've pushed me (like the job thing - I don't know if I wanted to apply for it or not and now I feel like i've got to decide straight away one way or another).

kam00096

Ps sorry for all the moaning!

Sapling

Well maybe you should try being grateful for the support you are getting now...Next time one of these shouting matches is about to come up...Take a deep breath...Step back....Say you are doing the best that you can...It's not easy. And Thank them for the support you are getting. It might just work.

Sapling

Be honest....Tell them..Without shouting...You don't think you are ready for a job and you want to focus all of your attention on a recovery program..You need help....But you better back it up and take some action yourself....Because that free ride will only last so long.

wpainterw

It's interesting that there has been no mention of Alanon on this site. Would this not be useful both for your parents and, if they went to a few sessions, for you? Like many parents they appear to be trying in good faith to "help" you, "make things better". It might help them to realize that there's really only one person who can "help" you and that is yourself. Oddly, it may be the best way for that to happen is if you are able to get help, not from your parents, but from other alcoholics. If AA does not appeal to you or seem congenial there are other support groups which your counselor or indeed this website can direct you to.
Right now you seem to need some distance from your parents, without shutting them out of your life completely. Getting in touch with others in recovery may give you that. Good luck

W.

sugarbear1

Your parents love you and care about you a lot. That is something to be grateful for.

I appreciate what everyone has said.

At 28, you need to be proactive. See your doctor and discuss if upping your meds is the right thing. Your mother shouldn't be able to do this anymore. You are over 18. Again, be proactive. As for the job, I sure wish my parents had a connection today. I'm looking, but it's rough in 2012.

As for shouting, no one can hear anyone. All I hear is fear. Fearful parents, fearful you. Breathe. Read the first 164 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and see if you can relate in. Find a program of recovery; it doesn't have to be AA, but that is a beginning. There are Young People groups in AA, too. At least you will have people to call before you decide to yell at your parents, who are trying their best to help you. Do suggest Al Anon for them, as a support to you. Remember Al Anons don't like going to meetings just like AA's don't because of the stigma attached.

Remember we numb our feelings through alcohol or drugs, these numbed feelings were only pushed further inside of us. They will come out, sooner or later. Just my opinions here.

Breathe. It will all work out. Just stay stopped today.

Peace,

Anna

In my opinion, it would be far better for you to be going to the dr on your own behalf. Actually, I'm shocked that a dr would give your mother a change in your medication on your behalf. It does seem like it's time to be proactive and take back some control of your life.

And, do suggest AlAnon to your parents for them to find support.

kam00096

Thanks for the advice everyone. Ididn't know about Alnaon but it looks like it could be useful (if I can persuade them to go). I think once I get the first few days over I'll be able to deal with things more rationally. Seeing an alcohol counsellor myself next week too so hopefully that'll help. I think they thought I was just putting off doing anything proactive whereas I do want to throw everything i can at this I was just waiting until I could do anything without feeling completely sick.

katrinka

Your parents feel you need lots of parental influence and advice right now and are maybe overdoing it but they love you and are worried about you and want your life to be back on track now. You can tell I have some experience on the other end of this problem! If you prove to them that you've got your life under control, I think they'll relax.