changemyway

So, I've been maintaining my sobriety. But I am not happy about it. I get to meetings when I can, which is not nearly often enough.

I'm hanging on for dear life. There is nothing that makes me happy about being sober, at least not yet.

Perhaps this is the "selfish me" talking, but I wish so much that I had a little more help and support from my family. Ultimately my wish was to go to a rehab, but at the very least, it would be attending more meetings.

My husband says I don't have a problem (which is because he doesn't want me identifying his problem.)

My mother in law says, "Have a drink."

My mother says, "This family falls apart when you are not here. You need to be taking care of your own children. Your husband is not capable and it inconveniences me." (No, really, that's what she says.)

I can handle the not drinking part, but I need to get to the recovery part, and I don't know how to do it without family support.

Just needed to vent, thanks.

Elisabeth888

It sounds like "sodriety" to me. That is what an oldtimer at my AA group calls it.

Have you thought about getting a sponsor and working the steps? You will get relief if you do.

Sapling

Meetings aren't going to make you sober...The twelve steps will...Get a sponsor that has worked the steps from the Big Book and have her guide you through them. Let me give you a little hint....Do this for yourself and don't worry about what anybody else says or does. This is your life and YOU can save it. It takes some courage and ACTION...I'm not saying to stop going to meetings...I'm saying to WORK THE PROGRAM....For you. It will change your life.

changemyway

I agree with what has been said. I tried a while back at AA to get a sponsor; I asked a lady I felt I could relate to and was told no. Since then I have been too afraid to ask again. What is the best way to go about getting a sponsor?

Dee74

I had next to no support in my life either - the really good thing about SR, & places like AA etc, is there is support around changemyway

D

Sapling

Go to your next meeting...Go tonight...Raise your hand when it starts..Or however they do it there...Mine we just speak up....Say your name...Your an alcoholic and you are looking for a sponsor to take you through the steps as outlined in the Big Book.

If you have any women there with sobriety..You'll have one at the end of the meeting.

Sapling

I have no idea why this person told you no....Unless she didn't have clue what was going on herself....That just doesn't happen.

StPeteGrad

What I see happen too often is newcomers that don't participate in their own recovery. AA is an amazing program and has worked successfully for millions.

But even my own home group hasn't always been the best at reaching out to newcomers after the meetings - a fact we've recently changed completely.

In my experience, there are several themes that are common in those checking out AA for the first time. There are those newcomers that just messed up and need a court slip signed. Those that are likely in complete denial and just get their court slip signed (no license, no car, pending felonies - but no, drugs and alcohol weren't part of of the equation at all!). There are those that understand that AA can save their life but don't want to work for it (very common - even among those in the program for a while). And finally, there are those that are in so much pain they will do whatever it takes but need to be shown how.

Regardless of which category they might fall, we make sure each feels welcome and make an offer for further discussion if they want it after the meeting before they can sneak out into the night. More groups need to do this, in my opinion, but each one is autonomous and independent -another reason to check out different groups.

Good luck to you.

Elisabeth888

If you are shy like me, go up to the meeting leader after the meeting and tell them you need a temporary sponsor.

Sapling

Or before the meeting...

CaiHong

Hi changemyway

I felt like that at the beginning, no family support , in fact I thought they were doing everthing on their power to lead me to drink, I still do but the thing is I don't need them as much as I need the support of likeminded people. I can see now that my withdrawals gave me a very different perception.

I need the support of people who understand me, who are going through
/have gone through getting sober and show me how to lead a sober life.
You do have a lot on your plate husband kids and I would love it if you could take time out for yourself to get sober in rehab but if that is not going to happen there are other ways to get sober
I wish you all the best
caiHong

aasharon90

I began really drinking at about 16, 17 yrs.
old to the age of 30. So all those yrs. I was
in alcoholic mode. Alcoholic thinking. Alcoholic
actions, behaviors. Talked, walked, slept, ate,
drove.....all like an alcoholic. I was and am
an Alcoholic no matter what anyone else says
or thinks.

When I got sober at 30 yrs old, I had to relearn
how to live with out drinking alcohol. I had to
change my alcoholic way of thinking, speaking,
acting, behaviors. And it wasnt going to happen
over night. Nor one week, one month, 1 yr.

Im 50ish old today with 21 yrs sobriety. That's
a many one days at a time living, breathing,
behaving, thinking like a sober person.

I learned to live and incorperate the tools and
knowledge of recovery in my everyday affairs.
To be openminded, willing to do what i need to
do to stay sober one day at a time. And most
of all to be honest in all I do.

When i got sober I was 8 yrs married with 2
little ones 4 and 7. I spent 28 days in rehab
while my husband and family members took
care of the household and kids.

The 1st 2 weeks in rehab when I was to be
released they told me i wouldnt stay sober if
i went home, so they wanted to send me to a
halfway house away from my kids and family
for a few months out of town.

I begged and pleaded to not send me away and
if i could stay there in rehab for 28 days instead.
It was agreed and they also added on a 6 week
out patiant aftercare program upon release.

I went home with resentments, but i also knew
I needed to do whatever i needed to do to stay
sober to stay home with my babies. So I hung on
for dear life, putting one foot in front of the other,
went to meetings, listened and absorbed all those
who were staying sober many yrs. before me.

It was those wonderful, awesome folks who kept
sharing their own ESH with me and others of what
their life was like before during and after drinking.

Those folks gave me hope. Care. Concern. Fellowship
each day I suited up and showed up to those meetings
especially when there were days I didnt want to go.

I went because there were so many time i went out
for a drink, any lengths in the rain, storms, holidays,
whenever, wherever and if i could do that then i could
go to any lengths to stay sober.

And I have for the past 21 yrs and continue on
my recovery journey today passing on my own
ESH with others who are still suffering with addiction.

Anna

I had no family support either.

It's more than possible to recover without family support. In fact, I believe that it depends on your motivation. And, you can balance recovery with your responsibilities as wife and mother. Try to not pay attention to comments from others and just focus on recovery.

changemyway

That's me, and has been for a long time.

I can completely understand someone with long standing sobriety not wanting to take on anyone who is simply interested in drying up for a period of time. I have known for a long, long time now - years, in fact - what I need to do. However, without guidance, I am at a lost of how to start this process. I have many thoughts that I know are valid and should be helping me in my recovery. But without being accountable to another human being, I still feel lost.

I am in no way faulting AA for who I have met along the way...however, the first lady I met, who was in fact willing to be my sponsor, I came to find out was not in fact an alcoholic. She was an over-eater, using the steps of AA to help her with this problem. This didn't seem to help me much, as I really needed her to relate to the depths of despair when it came to alcoholism, specifically. The second lady, I don't know, she seemed to really have her act together with her sobriety. I attended meetings for over two months before I asked her

aasharon90

I have one sponsor who never told me
what to do, but thru her own actions and
suggestions I followed her along with many
who i hung on to with every word they shared
about recovery.

I go to a meeting, get what I need in what I hear
and bring it home to think about thru out the day
while i was raising my 2 kids who r now grown, one
married with family and the other owns her own
first home, neither one with addiction.

I took what i was taught in recovery and applied
it to my family life, sharing with my kids the
importance of staying sober and the consequences
of what happens when under the enfluence.

My kids were involved in band thru out their school
yrs and college and had no extra time to stray away
from their studies and get bored looking for trouble.

I always shared with my kids, that if they ever had
a problem with addictions then i would always be there
for them to guide them and share my own ESH of recovery
with them.

What better place to teach ones kids about addiction
then with the person who is one and has the knowledge
to over come it right within the family.

I became responsible to being a role model in recovery
for my kids.

What an awesome gift.

sugarbear1

Keep asking people. I've been told "no" and later on found out why, which was good for me. Today I have a sponsor who works the steps daily and who works with a sponsor who has their sponsor...

Keep working for your sobriety!