Robert3960

Hey Everyone,

This is my first real attempt at quitting alcohol and I thought it might be a good idea to let it all out as I've never really talked about or faced my alcohol problem. A little about my addiction...

I started drinking around the age of 15, my uncle was a big partier and I looked up to and admired him and his friends so drinking was cool. As I reached around 17 I started to drink more, mostly around girls as I was very shy, I attribute this to a bad case of acne. I joined the Navy at 18 and of course that's when the drinking really started to get heavy. Long story short I'm 40, married for 18 years, 4 healthy, smart kids and I've been drinking almost every day through my 30's. Here is where it gets hard... I commute about an hour and half every day to work and I've taken to drinking a couple of beers on the way home, and I can't stop. I don't feel that I'm drunk while driving, the beer just makes the drive quicker. When I get home, after plenty of breath mints, I talk with the kids and wife and have a couple more before dinner...everything is fine. I know the ramifications of getting pulled over or an accident but, as bad as that is, I'm still doing it. This is my main reason for wanting to quit.

Second, I've had back problems over the last year and I attribute this directly to my ever growing beer belly. This has affected my sex life with my wife and my overall happiness. I forget stuff all the time my wife has talked to me about and there are times I completely forget a word mid sentence... that is embarrassing. My kids are in sporting events and more time than not I will show up to their games buzzed, and the scary thing is I LOVE IT (what is wrong with me?)

Right now I'm averaging about 7-8 beers a night, when I have quit drinking for a night or two the only thing I noticed is the sweating at night.

Thanks for listening (reading). I just felt I had to get this out of my system as a first step.


Robert

sugarbear1

"...drinking a couple of beers on the way home, and I can't stop. I don't feel that I'm drunk while driving, the beer just makes the drive quicker."

this is what they guy said after the accident. delusional thinking at it's finest.

Don't wait until something horrific happens! You an stay stopped now!

Scolova

We are about the same age although I was a mid-to-heavy binge drinker for my 30s and a pothead\drinker in my 20s. No wife and kids for me yet, I probably need to get on that soon. lol
I was at ~12 pack a night (more or less) and sometimes adding liquor by the time I got serious last year, struggled for a few more months, then quit for what I firmly believe is 'Forever'.

I had started to drink on the way home too... to boost the nightly binge. Plus it helped me drive (oxymoron I know), had gotten to the point I could barely drive with the withdrawl symptoms kicking in while behind the wheel. It's getting better now thankfully, but will take more time.

Soooo glad I'm not clammy\sweaty like that anymore, feels great to be able to sleep under more than just a sheet. lol Not waking up in a wet bed (which was my own urine from time to time) O_o ... Oh and my sister in law just gave me a complament on me losing weight, I actually have gained weight, but it's not being added to my gut.

Glad you are here, making the step and understand that it is a problem that needs to be delt with. It's not easy, but (in my case) completely worth it.

sugarbear1

Both of your posts are on the Newcomer's thread.

Robert3960

I realize it's delusional. And sorry for the double post.

Impurrfect

(((Robert))) - Welcome to SR!! I'm glad you're wanting to quit now, before it gets worse because it will.

You're not the only one who has done the drinking/driving thing. Most of us have done stuff while drinking/using that we're not proud of. While you say you know the ramifications, I honestly don't think anyone can until they are faced with them. Not to make light of what you're saying, but you've got 4 kids...would you want them in a car with someone drinking beer?

My DUI is 18 years old. No, I didn't drink and drive any more but I continued on to other things and became a full blown addict. I really wish I had stopped back then.

SR has been a huge part of my recovery. The people here have great experience, strength and hope (ES&H).

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

p.s. - it took me forever to figure my way around SR, how and where to post

Robert3960

Thanks for the response Amy. I've been reading the forums and there are a lot of inspirational posts, which got me to post.

sugarbear1

Have you researched a plan of action to help you stay stopped?? It really helps make a difference.

I wish you well in your sober journey!

Robert3960

I have not, this is my first step. I'm going to try and just be strong, I really only crave the alcohol between certain hours of the day. If I can be stronger at those time I might have a shot at this. I know that may sound like wishful thinking but I guess it's a start.

desertsong

I tried to be "strong" too, Robert. It's not a matter of being strong or using "willpower," at least not for me. I had to have a plan and a program. I tried being "strong" any number of times and always ended up drinking again and it was worse each time. The only reason I am sober today is because I stopped relying on myself and got help and support, along with a program.

I truly wish you well on your sober journey, and much success. If you find that you can't do it on your own through your own strength, there are many resources out there (and here) that can help you. We're with you in any event.

AnodyneShift

Welcome Robert.

Glad to hear you're on the road to taking a first step. It's not easy to actually look at ourselves and admit that we have a problem beyond our own capacity to manage.

I'm six months sober today, and I've relied heavily on these boards and blogs, AA meetings, working a program of recovery, and working it with a sponsor.

There's an element of surrender that needs to be present for recovery to start-- that's what a lot of the first step entails, I believe. It took me several years after realizing I had a problem to finally be "ready" to embrace real willingness: to be willing to go to any length to overcome my addiction to alcohol.
I hope you find yourself in a place where you are thoroughly ready to let go.

If you are, or if you continue to struggle, I think you'll find this forum a terrific resource for inspiration, sharing and support.

All the best, and good luck!

Dave

eJoshua

Welcome and congrats on your decision to get sober!

I love my commute home, it gives me an opportunity to practice singing. I have a CD I pop in the car that I sing along with. Can you think of something else you can do on the drive besides drinking? Books on tape, talk radio, listen to a lecture, take down your thoughts on a digital recorder, etc? I found that commutes really suck unless you find some way to make the time productive.

Impurrfect

(((Robert))) - being strong didn't work for me, so well, but distraction? That worked pretty good, especially at the beginning. My DOC (drug of choice) was crack, but what worked for me was:

When the thoughts of using would come up, I'd tell myself "not an option..next" and "next" meant DISTRACT myself. I'll admit, I did it a LOT in the beginning. In time, I found myself distracting myself before I even realized I'd HAD a thought of using.

I also made myself a promise - I'd give this "recovery thing" everything I had..make it priority one, for 6 months. If I was still miserable, angry, and all those other feelings I had in the beginning at the end of that time? Well, crack is everywhere.

It didn't take near 6 months for me to realize I'd had enough of letting some stupid substance have control over my life. In less than a month, I'll have 5 years in recovery.

One more thing..you'll read stories of people far worse than you. I thought, for a long time, "well, I'm not THAT bad"...only to become THAT bad and worse (I lurked on SR for over a year, relapsed, chose recovery and THEN logged in...sigh).

You have the opportunity to never get "that bad"

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

CaiHong

Hi Robert and welcome to the forum,

Lots of good suggestion based on people's own personal experience.

I especially like the idea of listening to something on the way home instead of drinking, tapes on alcoholism, AA speakers talking about their experience with alcoholism would really IMHO help to combat those cravings.

Willpower alone never worked for me, I remain sober with the support of AA and this forum.

I understand the "buzzed", feeling, your post reminded me of that and now I couldn't think of anything worse. I love my clarity of mind and being on top of things, not forgetting everything.

I hope you find the program that suits you. It truly is a wonderful journey.

CaiHong

Robert3960

Thank you all for your encouraging words.

Dee74

I've merged the threads

D

least

there's lots of support here cause we understand what it's like.