Jumped into drunk last night
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Jumped into drunk last night
I had been sober 33 days (not clean though- still taking pills when I got them). Last night hubby and I went out. He doesn't think I have a problem drinking bc it's not everyday, doesn't interfere with work, etc. So he was all for me having a drink. he told me to pace myself, and my response was no, I'm getting wasted tonight. Proceded to have 4 cosmos and then we met up with some friends and I had some shots and more vodka drinks. I had also brought some airline bottles of vodka in my purse in case hubby was going to try and limit me. He didn't, but I drank those anyway. I now wish I had stopped after the 4 cosmos. At that point I was happy and feeling good. By the time I got home...I slept on the bathroom floor and have no idea if I talked to my kids or not when I got home. I feel since it was a planned drunk I was in control...or is that a lie my addict brain is telling me? The night before I smoked a joint out my opened bathroom window in sub-zero cold. Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother. I keep saying it's not like I couldn't have stayed sober longer if I wanted- I chose not to. My mom is having knee rplacement Tuesday and all I can think about is that they will have painkillers laying around.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother.
Well, it's fairly typical behavior for an addict. I'm sorry you got smashed last night, but hopefully, it will convince you that drinking just isn't for you. I really hope you don't steal your mother's medication. That's pretty low. What kind of support are you using for recovery, or have you not gotten that far yet? Recovery is very possible, but you first have to make up your mind that you really want it.
Well, it's fairly typical behavior for an addict. I'm sorry you got smashed last night, but hopefully, it will convince you that drinking just isn't for you. I really hope you don't steal your mother's medication. That's pretty low. What kind of support are you using for recovery, or have you not gotten that far yet? Recovery is very possible, but you first have to make up your mind that you really want it.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother.
Well, it's fairly typical behavior for an addict. I'm sorry you got smashed last night, but hopefully, it will convince you that drinking just isn't for you. I really hope you don't steal your mother's medication. That's pretty low. What kind of support are you using for recovery, or have you not gotten that far yet? Recovery is very possible, but you first have to make up your mind that you really want it.
Well, it's fairly typical behavior for an addict. I'm sorry you got smashed last night, but hopefully, it will convince you that drinking just isn't for you. I really hope you don't steal your mother's medication. That's pretty low. What kind of support are you using for recovery, or have you not gotten that far yet? Recovery is very possible, but you first have to make up your mind that you really want it.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
You may not drink every day, but when you do drink, can you stop? It doesn't sound like it. It's not how often you drink or even how much you drink, but your behavior when you're doing it. Hiding alcohol in your purse in case your husband wanted to "limit" you, and waking up on the bathrooom floor and not remembering what you did the night before should tell you something.
I've found that the worst thing in the world for me to do is skip meetings. They really do keep me accountable and grounded. If I miss one, it's way too easy to miss another, and the next thing you know ... doom. I was told there are only two times when you should go to meetings: when you want to, and when you don't want to.
How committed are you ... truly ... to being sober? Hiding booze, taking pills when you can get them, sneaking a few hits of pot in the bathroom and thinking about taking your mother's pain meds should be huge red flags. Not trying to be harsh, but I'm worried about you. Maybe it's time for a new plan?
I've found that the worst thing in the world for me to do is skip meetings. They really do keep me accountable and grounded. If I miss one, it's way too easy to miss another, and the next thing you know ... doom. I was told there are only two times when you should go to meetings: when you want to, and when you don't want to.
How committed are you ... truly ... to being sober? Hiding booze, taking pills when you can get them, sneaking a few hits of pot in the bathroom and thinking about taking your mother's pain meds should be huge red flags. Not trying to be harsh, but I'm worried about you. Maybe it's time for a new plan?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I don't like using labels. I think if many of us were honest we would not like to say/admit we are alcoholics. BUT that doesn't mean we don't have serious drink problems. It doesn't matter what label you use or what you call it.the issue is if you have a drink problem or you don't. It is your call-no one else's. It doesn't matter what your husband says/thinks or anyone else. You know if you have a problem or not.
I am 37, female, and have a young child. I have done what you have done and no it isn't typical behaviour for a 36 yr old wife and mother but it is typical behaviour for a 36 year old alcoholic/someone with a serious drink problem.
p.s I'm not judging you, been there done it myself
I am 37, female, and have a young child. I have done what you have done and no it isn't typical behaviour for a 36 yr old wife and mother but it is typical behaviour for a 36 year old alcoholic/someone with a serious drink problem.
p.s I'm not judging you, been there done it myself
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I see a therapist weekly and was going to AA a few times a week, but haven't gone in over a week. I'm just not convinced I am an alcoholic. Obviously I think I have an issue or I wouldn't be on this site- but...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
Originally Posted by aeo1313
My mom is having knee rplacement Tuesday and all I can think about is that they will have painkillers laying around.
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I had been sober 33 days (not clean though- still taking pills when I got them). Last night hubby and I went out. He doesn't think I have a problem drinking bc it's not everyday, doesn't interfere with work, etc. So he was all for me having a drink. he told me to pace myself, and my response was no, I'm getting wasted tonight. Proceded to have 4 cosmos and then we met up with some friends and I had some shots and more vodka drinks. I had also brought some airline bottles of vodka in my purse in case hubby was going to try and limit me. He didn't, but I drank those anyway. I now wish I had stopped after the 4 cosmos. At that point I was happy and feeling good. By the time I got home...I slept on the bathroom floor and have no idea if I talked to my kids or not when I got home. I feel since it was a planned drunk I was in control...or is that a lie my addict brain is telling me? The night before I smoked a joint out my opened bathroom window in sub-zero cold. Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother. I keep saying it's not like I couldn't have stayed sober longer if I wanted- I chose not to. My mom is having knee rplacement Tuesday and all I can think about is that they will have painkillers laying around.
Labels are just that - labels. Alcoholic, problem-drinker, person-with-substance-issues, it all boils down to the same thing: is this behaviour that you wish to continue??
sobriety date 5-2-12
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I need to hear it like it is- sugar coating it is pointless. Thanks everyone for reading and responding. Your outside views are more accurate then what my mind says to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I need to hear it like it is- sugar coating it is pointless.
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I had been sober 33 days (not clean though- still taking pills when I got them). Last night hubby and I went out. He doesn't think I have a problem drinking bc it's not everyday, doesn't interfere with work, etc. So he was all for me having a drink. he told me to pace myself, and my response was no, I'm getting wasted tonight. Proceded to have 4 cosmos and then we met up with some friends and I had some shots and more vodka drinks. I had also brought some airline bottles of vodka in my purse in case hubby was going to try and limit me. He didn't, but I drank those anyway. I now wish I had stopped after the 4 cosmos. At that point I was happy and feeling good. By the time I got home...I slept on the bathroom floor and have no idea if I talked to my kids or not when I got home. I feel since it was a planned drunk I was in control...or is that a lie my addict brain is telling me? The night before I smoked a joint out my opened bathroom window in sub-zero cold. Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother. I keep saying it's not like I couldn't have stayed sober longer if I wanted- I chose not to. My mom is having knee rplacement Tuesday and all I can think about is that they will have painkillers laying around.
I'm just not convinced I am an alcoholic.
I'm just not convinced I am an alcoholic.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Okay, if you don't want sugar-coating, I 'd say that, until you decide that alcohol is causing huge problems in your life, you will not be able to recover. You don't need to use the word, alcoholic. It's not that important. What's important is that you allowing alcohol to take over your life and kidding yourself into believing that you have some control. And, the disease is progressive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I had been sober 33 days (not clean though- still taking pills when I got them). Last night hubby and I went out. He doesn't think I have a problem drinking bc it's not everyday, doesn't interfere with work, etc. So he was all for me having a drink. he told me to pace myself, and my response was no, I'm getting wasted tonight. Proceded to have 4 cosmos and then we met up with some friends and I had some shots and more vodka drinks. I had also brought some airline bottles of vodka in my purse in case hubby was going to try and limit me. He didn't, but I drank those anyway. I now wish I had stopped after the 4 cosmos. At that point I was happy and feeling good. By the time I got home...I slept on the bathroom floor and have no idea if I talked to my kids or not when I got home. I feel since it was a planned drunk I was in control...or is that a lie my addict brain is telling me? The night before I smoked a joint out my opened bathroom window in sub-zero cold. Is this typical behavior of a 36yo wife/mother. I keep saying it's not like I couldn't have stayed sober longer if I wanted- I chose not to. My mom is having knee rplacement Tuesday and all I can think about is that they will have painkillers laying around.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
No, it's not normal (since you asked). It's bad behavior in front of your kids. If you keep it up you will lose those kids and your husband. Just read the post here of women in their mid to late 40's and take a look at your future. I mean, who puts mini vodka bottles on their person when they go out? I mean really? Who does that?
I did when I was drinking. And I am an alcoholic in recovery (sober since June last year). You can do this, but you need help. Don't do it for your kids or husband. Do it for yourself.
You're on a bad road that will end in tragedy for someone or everyone in that house. If your husband acted like you are, what would you do? Leave him? Threaten him? What about your kids in 12 years? Put them in rehab? Kick them out? Haven't thought that far yet? They have. When you are passed out on the bathroom floor, they are thinking "oh, Mommy's drunk again, that's cool. I want to do that too, it must be ok" So, are you a responsible adult? or a worthless addict? Who do you want to be for your family? Is life really all about you? Or is it about who you are?
I did when I was drinking. And I am an alcoholic in recovery (sober since June last year). You can do this, but you need help. Don't do it for your kids or husband. Do it for yourself.
You're on a bad road that will end in tragedy for someone or everyone in that house. If your husband acted like you are, what would you do? Leave him? Threaten him? What about your kids in 12 years? Put them in rehab? Kick them out? Haven't thought that far yet? They have. When you are passed out on the bathroom floor, they are thinking "oh, Mommy's drunk again, that's cool. I want to do that too, it must be ok" So, are you a responsible adult? or a worthless addict? Who do you want to be for your family? Is life really all about you? Or is it about who you are?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
My father died from cirrhosis of the liver. He never did admit he was an alcoholic. It's kind of like not knowing you have cancer so you think everything is okay. Not knowing doesn't mean that it's not there and doing damage. It is, you are just not aware of it. You know that you have drinking issues but to admit to yourself that you can't control it would mean that you would have to do something about it. I know how you feel because I was that way for a long, long time. All the therapy, AA meetings, counseling, or rehab in the world won't help you if you aren't convinced that you need help to stop. They won't help until you step out of denial.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
What do your children think when they discover their mother passed out on the bathroom floor?
Do they think, "Mom is in control because this was a planned drunk"?
Or do they think, "Mom is just about dead and we are all lost!"
And: How long does it take for the bad feelings you are inflicting on your children to go away? (Clue: The feelings will never go away.)
I have a lot of guilt about what my drinking did to my children. I hope you escape my guilty cries out in the night and anguish. I hope you stop.
Do they think, "Mom is in control because this was a planned drunk"?
Or do they think, "Mom is just about dead and we are all lost!"
And: How long does it take for the bad feelings you are inflicting on your children to go away? (Clue: The feelings will never go away.)
I have a lot of guilt about what my drinking did to my children. I hope you escape my guilty cries out in the night and anguish. I hope you stop.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 11
Understand....
I am 28 days sober today. I understand how it feels to have loved ones in denial of your addiction. Remember alcoholism shows up in different forms for different people. Some people have a sick pack every day and can't get by without it. Some people don't drink every day but end up passed out on the floor when they do.
My advice is to be honest with your husband and tell him that you believe you have a problem. If he isn't strong enough to be honest with himself, and support you, then you guys have a lot to think about.
Good Luck.
My advice is to be honest with your husband and tell him that you believe you have a problem. If he isn't strong enough to be honest with himself, and support you, then you guys have a lot to think about.
Good Luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
You're getting some great advice aeo.
For what it's worth I don't think theres much control in your story, or much planning either.
If this is not the life you want for yourself, or the behaviour you want to exhibit, then please...do something real and tangible about it - both the alcohol and the pills - because it will only get worse from here, aeo.
D
For what it's worth I don't think theres much control in your story, or much planning either.
If this is not the life you want for yourself, or the behaviour you want to exhibit, then please...do something real and tangible about it - both the alcohol and the pills - because it will only get worse from here, aeo.
D
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