missgardenarm

My addict girlfriend had 2 choices this morning. Leave or go to inpatient. She just chose to leave...and holy **** i was unprepared for the meanness that came out of her after you tried to get me to reconsider. So hurtful, so untrue....it hurts so bad.

And i followed her out when she left because i had to take the dog out and caught her pulling her **** out of her hiding place she had out in the backyard.
Which i guess was validating with the number of times she's denied use and tried to make me out to be crazy...

missgardenarm

i meant she, not you.

lonelystar

hi,
I can feel your pain, its shocking to sometimes hear what the addicts in our lives have say to us, my son at one point said he would murder me, during a bad trip on whatever he was using, hes uses roxies but adds to that so who the hells knows anymore what he uses, i think what hurts us more is not exactly what they say but the fact that they keep choosing the drug over us i know thats how i used to feel, i know better now, i have nothing to with him or his recovery if he even wants one i also know its hard to set boundaries but i think you did great, its hard to watch them use killing themselves slowly, i have yet to take that step to kick him out of the house im giving him time to , i dont even know what im giving him, but sending out hugs to you sorry your feeling bad

KelleyF

Sending prayers to you both.....
Stay strong; you did what you had to do.

----------
We never know how high we are till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan, our statures touch the skies

--Dickinson
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Chino

One time when I was hurting really bad, my therapist told me to turn the mirror around. He handed me a mirror to illustrate the point. He told me to look in the mirror and see myself, no one else, then turn the mirror back towards my daughter. I was able to see that everything coming out of her mouth was a reflection of the ugliness in her, not me.

tjp613

Chino is exactly right. It's the fear and self-loathing talking, I hope you can accept that.

My (heroin-addicted) son is farther down the line, with nothing much left to lose and still chooses the drug....over food, family, shelter and the companionship of the great love of his young life. He chooses heroin...again and again...every...single...time.

I don't view it as a character defect in him...only a gigantic, soul-sucking tragedy.

missgardenarm

I've called her family, her corrections counselor, her outpatient treatment counselor, and our couples counselor to let them know where this has all led...i think her corrections counselor is getting a hold of her PO now. It was a court condition that she successfully complete treatment, so maybe in light of her progress in outpatient treatment they can step it up and require inpatient for her...but either way, i think i've now done all i can.

zoso77

Wow...this has hit a chord with me.

You mentioned her ugliness, the stuff that comes out of her mouth. Please, do your best to NOT internalize it. That's about her, not you.

And now, you have to take care of you as best you can. You have done all that you can. Let her HP take it from this point on.

You'll be in my thoughts when I pray tonight.

ZoSo

missgardenarm

I know...thank you...i continue to remind myself as i pace around here feeling so helpless to help when all i wanted to do was help. I don't what i would do right now without this board. I wanted to go to a meeting, but at the moment i'm a little paranoid with how she left that she'll break in. Maybe that's irrational...but i've seen her break into her old house before, many times. I'm a little scared with how angry she left...

zoso77

I understand. Just take care of you. Do what you need to do to achieve that.

Hugs,
ZoSo

Impurrfect

I, too, am sorry for your pain. Even though I'm an RA, when my last XABF "chose drugs over me" it did hurt. However, as personal is it feels, it's not like when we're using that we think like that. All we CAN think of is the drugs/alcohol and anyone gets in our way of using? We will usually leave and go wherever we can continue using (I was on the streets).

My ex ended up dying from his addiction and there was nothing I could do...even though I was an RN for 12 years, had all the recovery tools that I was willing to share, he didn't want it. I had not seen him for quite some time because I had to let go of him to save me and my sanity.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

EnglishGarden

I am so sorry for your pain, missgardenarm.

I hope you can place everything in God's hands and come to some acceptance that what is happening today is what is meant to be happening.

Doing this is the only way I personally have ever been able to find peace.

My heart goes out to you.

candyapple

I left my husband over addiction issues, it's a very difficult time to get through.....just try to surround yourself with people that care about you. It will get better for certain.

micealc

Powerlessness....is the word.
So hard to not be able to Make things Right.
You have to be Strong and let her go........Has she made any attempt
to get sober......ever.
Get to Al Anon Meetings for yourself....Those great People might be able to help you understand the Addict.......Ill pray things will work out for the Best...MC
Im an Alcoholic......I was just like her.....Do anything,Say Anything,for that Drink.

Today Im a Respected Member of Society....Sober Many years.
It was the Grace of God and AA that Got me Here.

HopefulGF65

I am so sorry to come on here tonight and see this...what you must be feeling, I feel for you so. I'm too new to feel like I can offer any sound advice but you are in my thoughts this weekend and beyond and I am praying for the safety of your girlfriend, hoping she finds her way 'home.'

As far as the hurtful things she said, it's what everyone here has said. during one of the heart to hearts I've had with my boyfriend, he admitted that when he feels so low about himself, there's nothing else for him to project but misery. In the moments when your girlfriend is clean, I'm sure she realizes that which probably perpetuates the cycle.

You're a good person, you've done all you can, make sure you do something positive for yourself this weekend. You deserve it.

laurie6781

I am very sorry you are going through this! I do however, understand, what was going on inside your AGF.

You see when my parents and family gave me the 'ultimatum' and no matter how it was worded it 'sounded' like an ultimatum to me, I said some really disgusting evil things and left. No way was I getting help. No way were 'they' getting between me and my DOC. You see the DOC, whatever it is alcohol, cocaine, meth, crack heroin or any combination thereof, becomes the MASTER. And when 'this person' was standing in front of her, giving her those choices, it was not you she was seeing, she was seeing A PERSON, ANY PERSON, that was getting between her and her FIRST LOVE, her DOC. So she did what any good A would do, went off on 'this person' and left.

It still make take her some years. It took me 2 1/2 years. The first year, I somehow managed to keep a roof over my head, but .................... lost the apartment and lived the next 1 1/2 years on the streets of Hollywood before I was given a 'moment of clarity' and took it.

I understand your hurt. Try and picture ALL of us in the room with you at any given moment, so you know you are not alone. We are with you in spirit, and we are in 24/7.

Love and hugs,

missgardenarm

I just got a phone call from her primary counselor at her outpatient treatment center letting me know that my gf called her requesting to get into inpatient treatment instead. They're trying to get her in next week.

This is great news. And i told her when she left that if she chose treatment, she could stay with me until she goes in...but she has to stay clean while she's waiting. Am i crazy?

missgardenarm

Thank you sooo so much for that.

helpme33

You are not paranoid or irrational, they will steal from the people that they think will not press charges FIRST!!

Ilovemysonjj

hi MissGardenArm, in your very first post you said you gave her an ultimatum, leave or go to Inpatient. First: She left. Now, she wants Inpatient. Would you have allowed her to stay with you if she had not left this morning and spent the day trying to get into Inpatient with the same result?
If so, then you are not crazy.
Best of luck, I will pray that she sees this as an opportunity for change and well being.
Hugs
Teresa