MycoolFitz

It's like I'm working hard and trying to do the right things in sobriety but sometimes it doesn't feel real. I think addiction came to me so naturally. I can't really explain it but it's like sometimes trying to change my dominate hand or the way I walk. Just have to keep on keeping on.

Strangedays

We all eventually become what we pretend to be. As the saying goes ..."Fake it till you make it".

I think we all feel that way in early sobriety. The thing is...what we were doing before wasn't working....so now we have to do something else, and thats going to feel strange early on because it is strange for us. If we all did whats comes natural to us we would still be drinking. As alcoholics everything we do/feel/think leads us to drink. That IS our natural state. And so Uncommon sense must become common sense.

MycoolFitz

Well I took my pup for a walk and that felt real so I'll get over it.

Impurrfect

(((Fitz)))- the word fake never came to my mind, but I definitely felt uneasy when I was trying to change everything from how I was to how I wanted to be. The good news is, I don't really think about recovery, so much, it's just a part of me. Takes time, but you'll get there.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

it took me a long time to accept that what I was feeling was real, if thats what you mean Fitz.

I was used to drama and chaos and putting myself down endlessly. It was a huge change for me to come to finally value myself and to live more or less in peace.

stay with it

D

Anna

Fitz, you may just be getting used to the feelings and they don't seem quite real to you yet.

jocata

I think I get you Fitz. It does feel so unatural still, and even uncomfortable alot of the time. At 62 days. Have lots of days that I really struggle. I don't want to drink or drug, but I'm sick of this irritability and wanting to jump out of my skin also.

I'm seeing my therapist that prescribes my anti-dep next Wed. Probably going to try something different medicine wise.

God bless.

laurie6781

Fitz, I did. and yes, it was really bad betweenn 7 months and 15 months. That was when I heard many times:

"Fake it until you make it." and "Act as if."



"When I was having all the doubts about the "God" Stuff and what it entailed, my sponsor asked me:

"Do you 'believe' that Hugh (her hubby also in AA) and I believe?"

"Well, yes I do, it is obvious in everything you two say and do."

"Then just BELIEVE that we believe."

Now that was 'doable.'

So, I ask you, do you BELIEVE that all of us with continuous sobriety believe in our programs? If you can believe that we believe than use OUR BELIEF.

Read our stories, read our solutions that worked for us (ES&H) no matter what we used, we are sober and YOU CAN BE, CAN CONTINUE TO BE AND CAN START SHARING YOUR OWN ES&H.

It's okay to feel that way once in a while, that the 'doubt' 'sneaks' in. It's okay to feel like you are only 'faking' it, as long as when those feelings and thoughts appear YOU SEEK 'OUTSIDE' (as you did here) HELP.

Keep asking the questions Fitz! I would be worried if you didn't.

Love and hugs,

MycoolFitz

I guess fake wasn't the right word, sorry. Just that I used so long, normal can feel abnormal but I'm not knocking it. I lost too much in my addictive "normalsy".

Tomsk

I know exactly what you mean. I used to go to meeting and see all these people laughing and stuff and saying how great recovery was and all I was thinking was 'How can I relapse safely?'. Gradually it came to me but it took time like how my alcoholism and drug addiction progressed recovered progressed the same way.

instant

MCF. I have come to regard under 12 months as early recovery. I was thinking this morning about a weird feeling I kept having as if I was trapped in myself and couldn't speak. I no longer have that but I have periods where I am not right.

The trend however is one of improvement. Knowing "where i am at" is a skill we a
re in the process of learning.

MycoolFitz

I'm only seven months so definately early. I catch myself getting irrated with my puppy but I know it's me so I try to breathe. I think really breathing is something I kept in for years. It sounds stupid I know but I think I was suffocating myself and know it's like relearning life.

Tomsk

I honestly only started to feel safe and actually not thinking about drinking at all after 18 months and that was working the AA program and a treatment centre program.

Your recovery is your recovery and it takes time.

MycoolFitz

You guys on SR make me feel real because I know I'm not alone. Thanks always

Threshold

I wouldn't say I feel like I am faking it, but I often feel I am going through the motions. I'm doing what I am "supposed" to do, but sometimes with no real sense of faith or even understanding quite why. Many days my life feels pointless, and I have no idea what it is I am recovering for.

I am banking on the trust I have in people here who tell me to hang in there that its worth it.

I have occasional experiences or glimpses of that reality, and they give me a little more dedication to hang in there.

When I slip up some, I don't like the result, and that too keeps me doing the next right thing, even when it seems pointless.

I shrug and remind myself that at least I am doing no harm, even if it doesn't seem very useful.

But my friends swear they notice progress, and when I look back over the past few months, I have been making better choices for myself and addressing issues in smarter ways, so even though I'm not "feeling" it yet, things are happening.

2granddaughters

I often say at the meetings that it felt like I came into AA a "right hander" and AA was trying to make me a "lefty".
You will get used to, and appreciate, the new way. Thanks for posting that.

All the best.

Bob R

ozellmarv

It seems to help when I acknowledge that drinking and drugging is my default setting. Sometimes I feel so phony but reality is a reset away.