Question - all responses welcomed :)
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Question - all responses welcomed :)
I am a server at a restraunt that serves alcohol. Tonight I am bartender. It's not a college bar or anything with people coming in and getting trashed, obviously some people do get buzzed... I don't think that this will hinder my sobriety in any way, but wanted to get opinions on it.
Background on my problems with alcohol basically has to do with moderation once I start drinking. I believe that I won't have a problem with not picking up a drink, however.
Sometimes as a bartender, or even just a server in general, which is my job all but one night out of the week, we have to taste what we have made, or a new wine will come in and we will have to taste it to explain to guests. We also sometimes have a wine "school" where all of the employees gather and we go over the wines.
I've told my boss before that I don't like bartending - basically nobody at this restaraunt wants to bartend because the bar is slow and we don't make as much money as we do on the floor. Because nobody wants to bartend, I feel like I have to be a team player - actually my boss has expressed this to me.
There is also no way in hell that I will tell her about being an alcoholic or anything of the sort. I don't know how she would react as she isn't the most understanding person and is pretty much a business shark. She might see this as a weakness for the business.
I'm also not interested in working anywhere else currently, I've been there for four years, the money is good, I'm pretty high up, and the economy is bad.
Thoughts, comments are all welcomed.
Thanks,
Kat
Background on my problems with alcohol basically has to do with moderation once I start drinking. I believe that I won't have a problem with not picking up a drink, however.
Sometimes as a bartender, or even just a server in general, which is my job all but one night out of the week, we have to taste what we have made, or a new wine will come in and we will have to taste it to explain to guests. We also sometimes have a wine "school" where all of the employees gather and we go over the wines.
I've told my boss before that I don't like bartending - basically nobody at this restaraunt wants to bartend because the bar is slow and we don't make as much money as we do on the floor. Because nobody wants to bartend, I feel like I have to be a team player - actually my boss has expressed this to me.
There is also no way in hell that I will tell her about being an alcoholic or anything of the sort. I don't know how she would react as she isn't the most understanding person and is pretty much a business shark. She might see this as a weakness for the business.
I'm also not interested in working anywhere else currently, I've been there for four years, the money is good, I'm pretty high up, and the economy is bad.
Thoughts, comments are all welcomed.
Thanks,
Kat
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
It is a tough situation you are in.
Is there any way that you can get out of the taste testing thing?
Not saying this will lead you to a relapse but it might.
Seeing other people buzzed that aren't my drinking buddies usually helps me see that that is not who I want to be and cements my resolve but the tasting would likely be a problem for me.
Is there any way that you can get out of the taste testing thing?
Not saying this will lead you to a relapse but it might.
Seeing other people buzzed that aren't my drinking buddies usually helps me see that that is not who I want to be and cements my resolve but the tasting would likely be a problem for me.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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You have to make sobriety your top priority, because you will eventually lose anything that you put between yourself and sobriety anyways. At least if you are an alcoholic, like me. If I were you, and I wanted to keep the job, I would be honest with your boss. Nothing good ever comes from being dishonest and I think you will be surprised at the reaction. I hope everything works out for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85
Yes, I can go without the tasting. Maybe at another point in time, I will be able to tell my boss, but I don't feel right now there is an immediate reason to, and I'm early in my sobriety and don't feel comfortable right now. I think telling her right now would make me feel shameful, which isn't really a good thing at this point. I have enough guilt that I'm trying to work through.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Kat -
As others have said, if you are an alcoholic, you can't drink - and of course this includes tasting. In order to make your recovery your #1 priority, you will likely need to be honest with your boss. If this leads to a need to change jobs, while unfortunate, this would probably be the best.
But, I have a lot of faith in people. If you are upfront with your boss, perhaps they will surprise you. Personally, I don't think I could be in a bartender role, even if I wasn't tasting. Too many smells, triggers, memories.
Regardless, you should probably begin making a plan to move out of the hospitality industry, at least until you have some more sobriety time.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you are an alcoholic, eventually, you might lose the job anyhow. Better to be upfront and proactive. Hope it works out.
As others have said, if you are an alcoholic, you can't drink - and of course this includes tasting. In order to make your recovery your #1 priority, you will likely need to be honest with your boss. If this leads to a need to change jobs, while unfortunate, this would probably be the best.
But, I have a lot of faith in people. If you are upfront with your boss, perhaps they will surprise you. Personally, I don't think I could be in a bartender role, even if I wasn't tasting. Too many smells, triggers, memories.
Regardless, you should probably begin making a plan to move out of the hospitality industry, at least until you have some more sobriety time.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you are an alcoholic, eventually, you might lose the job anyhow. Better to be upfront and proactive. Hope it works out.
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Originally Posted by Strangedays 
You have to make sobriety your top priority, because you will eventually lose anything that you put between yourself and sobriety anyways. At least if you are an alcoholic, like me. If I were you, and I wanted to keep the job, I would be honest with your boss. Nothing good ever comes from being dishonest and I think you will be surprised at the reaction. I hope everything works out for you.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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I worked in the restaurant business a long time...I consider it going to college for alcoholics...I passed with flying colors. I had to give that profession up for that reason....I make less money but I'm not surrounded by drinking...Both by patrons and employees. You have to do what you have to do to survive....But there is no way I could do it. I do know people that have maintained sobriety and still bartend...But they work a pretty strong AA program...Myself....No way. My sobriety is more important to me than my income, because without it...I won't have an income. I wish you the best...Be strong.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
What was the question?
I would change employment as the "tasting" would create a strong desire for more in my body.
I didn't need a drink, but once I had a few sips, the rest was gone. Tasting is a tease to my body.
Best wishes on staying stopped!
I would change employment as the "tasting" would create a strong desire for more in my body.
I didn't need a drink, but once I had a few sips, the rest was gone. Tasting is a tease to my body.
Best wishes on staying stopped!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85
@Sapling - yes most other restraunts I've worked at are places to drink. Fortunately, there is a strict no drinking policy put in place at this restraunt. Where we used to be allowed to have a glass of wine or beer after shift, that has now been disallowed, and they are very strict about it. The only thing we are allowed to do is taste a cocktail that we have made if we feel that we need to, or taste a cocktail that has come back from a complaint. But... I won't be tasting, and the ideas about medication are great. I just don't feel like having people talk about me, which is what they will probably do. Atleast not until I feel more comfortable, which will come with time. 
Thanks all.
Thanks all.
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There was always bottles of leftover wine and I always greased the bartender...I never had a problem getting a drink at work....That's not what gave me problems...It was going out after work with a pocketful of cash that was my demise.
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Yeah, the going out after work I can relate to - it's BAD. I don't think that anyone there will be pressuring me to go out, however. And I really have to desire to go out. I'd rather go home to my fiance and daughter and keep them for as long as I can. Took me awhile to figure that one out.
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Okay, this is just me, but I don't recommend lying. Lying was what I did when I was drinking, and I knew, along with stopping drinking, I had to stop lying.
That said, I don't think you need to say anything whatsoever to your boss or co-workers about your alcoholism. It's a personal issue and, as you said, you don't have to drink at work.
And, that said, I wouldn't have been able to work in such a place.
That said, I don't think you need to say anything whatsoever to your boss or co-workers about your alcoholism. It's a personal issue and, as you said, you don't have to drink at work.
And, that said, I wouldn't have been able to work in such a place.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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Ok, all I can give you is my own ES&H.
I was a bit furthr along in my recovery than you, had moved to a new area (a very desolate area) and my sponsor was back in L.A. I was on every 'list' out at every mine for the 'next' position that opened up in administrative. However, in the meantime, I HAD TO FIND WORK, to keep the rent and utilities paid and some groceries in the house.
Well, I was offered a job, as a bartender, in a legal brothel. You can bet I called my sponsor, her answer to me was in the BB of AA, as AA is how I found recovery. And right there it tells me that I can do these 'things' (ie bar tend, attend a family wedding, etc) if I HAVE A LEGITIMATE REASON for being there.
Well after some chatting with my sponsor, I figured out that keeping a roof over my head and the bills paid was a 'legitimate' reason. I held. that job for 9 months, until I got offered one out at a mine. My shift was 10pm to 4am but on the 3 nights a week that there was an AA meeting in town (it didn't end until 9:30pm) if I was scheduled to work it was 10:30pm to 4;30am.
I told my boss, I was a sober alcoholic and her comment was "great you won't drink me out of house and home the way some bartenders have."
I am concerned only in that you feel you cannot tell your boss the reasons you cannot participate in the 'wine tastings' or 'we have to taste what we have made, or a new wine will come in and we will have to taste it to explain to guests. We also sometimes have a wine "school" where all of the employees gather and we go over the wines.' That to me is being dishonest and not conducive to your new recovery life.
By lying by omission, it gives that 'alcoholic voice' the opportunity to 'goad' you.
The job you are doing can be done by and has been done by many sober alcoholics. I have a friend that got sober 1 year and 1 week before me, all she had ever known was bartending and back in 1980 there were NOT the Voc Rehab Programs for job training that there are now. She continued to bar tend. Bought her own bar. Sold the bar last year and retired. She now has 31 + years continuous sobriety. SO YES it is possible, HOWEVER, (yep there is always a 'but'), you MUST be rigorously honest with yourself at ALL TIMES.
It will take DILIGENCE on your part.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
I was a bit furthr along in my recovery than you, had moved to a new area (a very desolate area) and my sponsor was back in L.A. I was on every 'list' out at every mine for the 'next' position that opened up in administrative. However, in the meantime, I HAD TO FIND WORK, to keep the rent and utilities paid and some groceries in the house.
Well, I was offered a job, as a bartender, in a legal brothel. You can bet I called my sponsor, her answer to me was in the BB of AA, as AA is how I found recovery. And right there it tells me that I can do these 'things' (ie bar tend, attend a family wedding, etc) if I HAVE A LEGITIMATE REASON for being there.
Well after some chatting with my sponsor, I figured out that keeping a roof over my head and the bills paid was a 'legitimate' reason. I held. that job for 9 months, until I got offered one out at a mine. My shift was 10pm to 4am but on the 3 nights a week that there was an AA meeting in town (it didn't end until 9:30pm) if I was scheduled to work it was 10:30pm to 4;30am.
I told my boss, I was a sober alcoholic and her comment was "great you won't drink me out of house and home the way some bartenders have."
I am concerned only in that you feel you cannot tell your boss the reasons you cannot participate in the 'wine tastings' or 'we have to taste what we have made, or a new wine will come in and we will have to taste it to explain to guests. We also sometimes have a wine "school" where all of the employees gather and we go over the wines.' That to me is being dishonest and not conducive to your new recovery life.
By lying by omission, it gives that 'alcoholic voice' the opportunity to 'goad' you.
The job you are doing can be done by and has been done by many sober alcoholics. I have a friend that got sober 1 year and 1 week before me, all she had ever known was bartending and back in 1980 there were NOT the Voc Rehab Programs for job training that there are now. She continued to bar tend. Bought her own bar. Sold the bar last year and retired. She now has 31 + years continuous sobriety. SO YES it is possible, HOWEVER, (yep there is always a 'but'), you MUST be rigorously honest with yourself at ALL TIMES.
It will take DILIGENCE on your part.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85
Thank you all for all of your comments and concerns. They are all much appreciated. Yes, I tended the bar tonight, have NO desire to drink, and actually was quite turned off by the people that were in there. Kind of made me realize how idiotic people can be from drinking, and that I'm glad that I'm not one of them anymore (not all people, but one guy in there tonight did remind me of this). Anyhow, I'm feeling very secure. And I don't feel like I will have to lie. I don't feel like I will offer any information, but also won't have to lie.
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Originally Posted by Kat4184
And yes, I do feel like I am an alcoholic, but not one that needs a drink... one that once has a drink has to have another one. :/
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No, tasting doesn't do that to me (it's just done with putting your finger on a straw and tasting a drop or two, not a full sip), it's having a full drink. As in going out after work for one drink would lead to more.... But I don't NEED to taste regardless, just to be sure.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
This is one of those areas in which there are lots of opinions, so I prefer not to trust my own. I've not been let down by adhering to the wisdom and experience offered in AA literature (and other groups), so I feel more comforable simply passing on that information with no judgement attached.
As was mentioned here, AA's position is that if I have a legit reason to be working in a bar, so be it...but wisdom would direct me to consult with others in recovery. We DO like to trick ourselves, Y'know?
In the strictest sense, when an alcoholic has a drink it calls for another, ad infinitum. But whether I am a "real" alkie or not, if I've made the decision to stop drinking, that's probably a really good clue. So, the first issue for me is to protect my sobriety. Being unemployed might actually pose a greater risk than having having that one (controled) drink. For myself, I'm not willing to risk it.
Having said that, my standard response to being questioned about having a drink is that I am allergic to alcohol (I tend to break out in handcuffs). Since I concur with AAs definition of alcoholism as an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body, the very worst self judgment I might make is that I'm being ingenuous. I can live with that.
blessings
zb
As was mentioned here, AA's position is that if I have a legit reason to be working in a bar, so be it...but wisdom would direct me to consult with others in recovery. We DO like to trick ourselves, Y'know?
In the strictest sense, when an alcoholic has a drink it calls for another, ad infinitum. But whether I am a "real" alkie or not, if I've made the decision to stop drinking, that's probably a really good clue. So, the first issue for me is to protect my sobriety. Being unemployed might actually pose a greater risk than having having that one (controled) drink. For myself, I'm not willing to risk it.
Having said that, my standard response to being questioned about having a drink is that I am allergic to alcohol (I tend to break out in handcuffs). Since I concur with AAs definition of alcoholism as an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body, the very worst self judgment I might make is that I'm being ingenuous. I can live with that.
blessings
zb
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 223
My first attempt at sobriety, I thought it would be ok just to taste. That just opened the door little by little, slowly introducing alcohol into my life again. I wasn't the type of alcoholic that needed a drink all the time either. But once I start, I can't stop. Therefore, I have a personal rule that it is unacceptable to even taste alcohol. Good luck to you.
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