Hopeless4now

I so screwed up! I drank tonight with AB and it didn't make anything better. Just like I knew it wouldn't. What the hell is wrong with me?

neferkamichael

You said it, your screwed up, but dont give up. Peer pressure is a very powerful trigger. You'll do it.

nicam

I think a lot of us do that, I sure did. My NOT drinking wouldn't have affected his drinking one bit. It would have been the same behavior from him either way.

In a normal relationship you can enjoy a couple of drinks with your partner and not think anything about it.

Did you honestly think drinking with him would "make anything better"? What were you hoping to get out of drinking with him?

There's nothing wrong with you for doing that. You are in a lose lose situation, so if I were you I'd just do what makes you happy. You want to have a drink, have a drink. If you don't, don't. I'm assuming you are not a RA in saying this...

Hopeless4now

No I'm not RA - before him I never thought about alcohol. I mean I drank socially or I didn't. It never really mattered. I don't think I thought it would change anything. I was thinking maybe I could find the escape he always seems to find. Instead I just found more hurt and anger and tears and loneliness. I swear this is a cruel condition/disease unlike anything I've ever experienced.

Willybluedog

Ok, you made a mistake, your human, as long as you learn something from this then it was not a total loss was it, dust yourself off and move on to tomorrow.

Hugs to you,

Bill

EnglishGarden

I don't think you screwed up, H4Now. You wrote: "and it didn't help anything."

So you received one more valuable lesson. It is our wrong turns, one upon the other, that finally teach us what we need to know. It was a lesson and nothing more.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, as I know, from experience with A's, that he is being hard enough on you already.

He is not getting better, he is getting worse. You are obsessed with his drinking. This is the natural and inevitable outcome of relationship with an addict.

The day will come when you likely have to give up and walk away. Until then, do not be isolated. Post here. Go to Al-Anon. The isolation with his craziness will damage your ability to think clearly and be rational. You will be nuts.So don't isolate and stay connected. Just like you did with this post. Do not be afraid to post no matter what! We all know how hard things are for you. And we all know what happens to our heads when we are in the presence of active addiction.

SR has many people lighting your way. So just don't isolate.

God bless.

Thlayli

It didn't make anything better but it didn't make anything worse either. Their drinking is their responsibility, right?

Hopeless4now

Thanks you guys - and EngGarden you are right - the isolation does drive me mad. He is hard on me. He kept me up fighting all night and now neither of us have gone to work. He has finally gone to sleep. I am afraid I am going to lose my job. There is just so much worry and sadness. What happened to my happily ever after? I want the man I fell in love with back. I know I can't fix him even though I forget that at times. I just still see the man I love in there.

EnglishGarden

Do you have a copy of "Getting Them Sober?" It will help you.

Find meetings and sit there no matter how you feel, okay? His disease is your quicksand. Meetings are a rope.

Hopeless4now

No I dont have that book - I will have to see if I can get a copy