CurleyJoe

New to site and just joined after perviously reading posts & replies. It was the first site that really addressed what I've been going through and gave me some real insight. I'm 58 and stopped drinking recently after drinking since age 16 [so 42-years vertually every day]. I actually gave up trying to quit when young & was resigned to the fact I was an alcoholic & couldn;t function without it. I had a great family [still do] & just needed to drink, period. As my dad told me growing up "Watch out for old John Barleycorn cuz he sneaks up on you". I offset the drinking by working out religeously and eating healthy & lucky to have good genetics from parents. In 2011 I had an "epiphany" or actually several of them. My anxiety issues had become severe and then depression as well to the point I simply could not function normally. No one knew except for my wife to a limited degree as I learned to hide things very well from everyone. In the end I could not hide it from her any more and quit cold turkey. I was used to drinking quietly a 6-pak of beer & a 1/2 pint of bourbon or vodka or other basically every day without anyone knowing for years.
So I quit for a few months at a time & as soon as I'd have a few drinks for a day or 2, the symptoms & withdrawal would start up all over again. So finally I get it. I want a normal life with my wife, kids & grandkids. I still have issues that creep up now & then & whomever on here said 6-months to a year was right on. I've had stiff necks, tension in my shoulders, clinical depression & at times no energy and feeling like a truck ran over me. So the remaining worst symptom happens every 2-3 weeks for no reason. Feels like stomach cramps, tension in my ribs and generally very uncomfortable & uneasy until it gets late & I get tired [really sucks]. I guess part of it is the medical establishment tried to give me multiple drugs to try & I refused. One made me feel suicidal & I told my wife I didn;t want to trade one problem for another.
SO here I am & thinking probably a few more months of discomfort to go. My belief is I used this substance for 42-years, so any effects of not having it in my body are not going away over night. I'll get there, just not a fun ride I'd recommend to anyone.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Curley Joe

D

Impurrfect

(((CurleyJoe))) - Welcome to SR! Recovery isn't always easy, but it is SO worth it!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

SparklingSeven

Hi CurlyJoe and welcome!

You sound like you have a good grasp on your problem. Hopefully things can only get better for you from now on. SR is a great place for support and for any questions that may come up. I wouldn't be sober without it!

Best wishes.

Stu.

HenryKrinkle

Welcome CurlyJoe. Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you are headed down the right path. Keep up the good work and keep reading/posting. You will find a lot of support here.

sugarbear1

Welcome home!

Bikeguy

Welcome CurleyJoe, keep reading, keep posting...it does get easier and it is so worth it in the end.

Luckyv2

Recovery and staying In Recovery might be one of the most difficult task that we as human beings encounter in our lifetimes. Yes it does get easier down the road, and with that said, there will still be situations after 1 and 2 years that will raise the addictions ugly head.

We are never cured from our addictions, we are just postponing that is of course my own personal experience.

We know that this is doable on a daily basis, and as long as we do what we need to do each day to grow in Recovery, we will have a good Chance that we won't drink or use that day.

Glad to meet you.

My name is Vic I am a alkie/addict of sorts.

jocata

Welcome Joe! What a great place you have found.

I can really relate to the depression and anxiety, and the stiff neck, sore back and shoulders. ALOT of people here can relate to everything you posted.

Early sobriety is certainly not easy. I'm at day 59. I'm starting to have more and more good days, but the down days still creep in. It is a slow process. I think if I was better instanly, I wouldn't learn or appreciate the good days. It's a learning process that's for sure.

So glad you are here. Don't be a stranger.

God bless.

artsoul

Welcome CurleyJoe!

Congratulations for getting sober! Everyone's different, but I found that I was still noticing some improvements even after a year sober. Have you ever heard of "Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome? (PAWS) - you may want to check it out:
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center

Hang in there!

Tres

Welcome Curleyjoe. This sight has been a lifesaver for me in my recovery. I'm still early on in the 80's for sober days. I read as much as I can on here and post a lot. It helps.

Good luck to you. Hope to see you here often.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you posted.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

CurleyJoe

Thanks to those who replied and all the positive comments & support. Another item I might share is that anxiety issues are very prevalent in my family [parents both had, my 3-sisters & I have & 2 of my 3-children have & most have been on medication at some time or on-going]. What I found is that many persons with anxiety issues self-medicate with alcohol [as I had done for years]. The problem is the alcohol masks the problem, but it always comes back stronger when the effects wear off [so users drink more often and heavier]. This is what I experienced to the point where the alcohol doesn;t work any more & even intensifies the panic/anxiety attacks including making you nauseous & can cause dry-heaves in social situations or during hi-stress situations. They become more common finally happening every day, sometimes multiple times. I am now over that part thank goodness & my daughter who's been in AA going on 4-years said her anxiety problems disappeared within a year of no alcohol or drugs. Now we have to work on my oldest son who's been on anxiety meds for a number of years & tends to drink way too much having a good time. I see myself in my oldest son, except that he is much more extreme in his partying that I was at the same age & that worries me [several of my buddies growing up died at 37 & 41, both drug/alcohol abusers]. Anyway only my 2nd post and don;t want to go on too long. Someone like myself is the person who appears successful and no one would ever think has any kind of problems [and they've told me many times over]. Makes me think of how many times I've thought over the years: I just want a simple life, to enjoy those close to me and be happy & that's all....

jocata

Hey CurlyJoe, I found that the alcohol and drugs made my depresion and anxiety much worse too. I been on meds for it for quite some time, but all the drinking and drugging I did while taking it countered any benefits I might have gained from them.

Since I've been sober, the depression and anxiety is getting better a little at a time. I don't plan on stopping my meds anytime soon though.

Hang in there my friend, you'll make it.

God bless.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR! Stick around and keep reading and posting.

CurleyJoe

One of the posters here left a link for an article on "PAW" "post acute withdrawal" and its symptoms. It is a really good article and explains how certain sypmtoms come & go sometimes without any reason. I have many of the symptoms this article describes. When I get stressed due to business and financial problems it can bring them on OR sometimes for no apparent reason. I get panicky, jumpy, get tension in my ribs & neck and overall not feeling very good - the worst part is the fear it will get even worse or not go away after awhile. It usually occurs in the evening and lasts 'til bedtime. So trying to adjust my eating habits & limit the sugar & caffeine along with exercise and trying to limit stressful conditions. The weird thing here is I thought if I were able to just stop drinking period I'd go through some uncomfortable period of withdrawal for a few weeks & I'd be done with it - apparently not so. I'm fairly educated, but had never been aware of the long lasting effects of alcohol once you stopped drinking. I had a psychologist I saw for awhile & she indicated it would be OK to have an occasional beer or glass of wine as long as you "learned to limit it, to say 2-drinks & no more". Unfortunately I tried this behavior to "be social" and it does not work for me. I tried a few times & within a day or 2 I start getting some of the same nasty symptoms all over again, as in withdrawal type symptoms. Now I have periods when I feel perfectly fine and others like last couple days when the PAW symptoms seem to sneak back up on me.
Just need to learn the techniques better in the article to offset them when they first start.

twilli59

Welcome, CJ! Your ability to express your issues clearly is pretty impressive. I too suffered from horrendous anxiety - especially socially - and I would perspire, so I couldn't hide it. I never thought booze or drugs were the problem, because they were what fixed me - until they stopped working and almost killed me. I refused to believe that what had been my only lasting solution was really a just a slow, murderous addiction. I was told that a certain type of strong intellect - not intelligence, per se - but a person who placed their own perceptions and thoughts on such a high level, often had a very difficult time accessing a solution that came from outside of themselves. I finally learned that my sick self couldn't heal my sick self. It was beyond "intellect." That little bit of willingness, then a little honesty and openness, started to allow me to take actions I didn't truly believe in. Those actions slowly changed the way the world reacted, and the way I saw it. Then, others saw a change in me before I saw it. This new path became so hopeful and exciting that, most of the time, I didn't want to dull it with substance! I'm not so far along either...but it took me 4 years to make that shift. I have studied and used every major recovery program out there, but AA - and in particular the steps - along with Eckhart Tolle, were the two elements that allowed me to open up and see the value and similarities in all recoveries: the shift in consciousness out of the old self, or the portions of it that was killing us based on lies. Bill W urged people to continue to explore..."we know but a little," "we have no monopoly on recovery," "make use of what others have to offer..." And it sounds so much more complicated than it is once that shift occurs. Unfortunately, many people die hanging on to old ideas rather than taking a path they don't understand or believe in. Action is the magic word!

CurleyJoe

Need some advice regarding what I'm going through currently. In brief I'm a healthy 58-year old who drank for 40-years & through working out & eating right kept it under wraps very well. I used the drinking to offset acute anxiety until it got so bad 18-months ago I couldn't function properly and got clinical depression along with it. Happily married & no one except my wife really knows anything at all took place.

So largely quit drinking, but once in awhile I'd have a beer or single drink. On vacation recently & I think I made a very bad mistake. My wife indicated it''d be OK to have a single drink as long as I limited it and I did - 5-days in a row I had a drink each day [a counselor had told me this would be OK]. Returning home I've had high anxiety now for 10-days, some depression and not feeling real comfortable. Its a crappy feeling that comes & goes & only seems to subside late at night when tired.
This is so frustrating!! I guess I figured & my wife too that if I kept liquor to a minimum and only had a drink "now & then" or once every couple months it would be OK. I guess I figured wrong? Or maybe something else is the problem? I'm just wondering since I'd largely quit drinking if I'm super sensitive to it now? I take xanax for the anxiety, but keep to a bare minimum since its addictive as well & don;t want that to become a problem. Should I avoid xanax as well as kava kava I've been taking to try to relax?

Sapling

I'm confused here...Did you work the steps with a sponsor in AA?...Because I know that the occasional drink will kill me. I don't go there. As far as your Xanax question goes...We're not doctors here...We can't answer that..Talk to yours about that.

ReadyAndAble

I don't have any experience either with "largely quitting." I had to either quit drinking or drink large amounts, there was no in-between. That's very strange advice from an alcohol counselor....

You say you drank to deal with anxiety. But alcohol abuse is known to cause anxiety, and since you started drinking daily at age 16.... did you tell your docs about your drinking? As Sapling said, that's the place to go for medical advice.