Need An Online Female Co-sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 30
Need An Online Female Co-sponsor
Hi There,
So, my sponsor and I worked half way through step one, and since I started going to meetings again, I have the ODAT book and I just ordered the complete source book. It will be here Wednesday.
My sponsor got a new job and some more sponsees since then and doesn't have a whole lot of time to meet with me, etc. She barely can respond to my text messages. So, I thought it would be best for me to get a co-sponsor, someone to just get me through the steps.
I need to get through them now!
If anyone wouldn't mind doing that through email or through the private message feature here on the boards, please let me know. I need a woman with sound recovery who stays in the solution.
Thank you for all the support I have been getting here. It really means a lot.
Jami~
So, my sponsor and I worked half way through step one, and since I started going to meetings again, I have the ODAT book and I just ordered the complete source book. It will be here Wednesday.
My sponsor got a new job and some more sponsees since then and doesn't have a whole lot of time to meet with me, etc. She barely can respond to my text messages. So, I thought it would be best for me to get a co-sponsor, someone to just get me through the steps.
I need to get through them now!
If anyone wouldn't mind doing that through email or through the private message feature here on the boards, please let me know. I need a woman with sound recovery who stays in the solution.
Thank you for all the support I have been getting here. It really means a lot.
Jami~
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
I am having the same problem. I attend a small group and the only one with enough recovery has too much on her plate already. I too am trying to work on the steps. Tried doing it solo, but I don't think that's a good idea for me...I can hijack myself quite easily, if you know what I mean.
If anyone can give us some ideas, it would be appreciated.
If anyone can give us some ideas, it would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
Posts: 370
I've had the same thought myself, but I have noticed that, at least online, ACA sponsors are kind of hard to find.
Kialua, did you work the steps all by yourself, or with a therapist, etc.?
In other 12 step groups I've been a part of, they always suggest working through the steps with a sponsor, for the relief of sharing our experiences and feelings with another person who can understand, and also as kind of a "sounding board"...to gently remind us if our observations might be skewed, etc.
How have others on this forum worked through the steps? I've been meaning to ask this for a while, but haven't got around to it until now.
Kialua, did you work the steps all by yourself, or with a therapist, etc.?
In other 12 step groups I've been a part of, they always suggest working through the steps with a sponsor, for the relief of sharing our experiences and feelings with another person who can understand, and also as kind of a "sounding board"...to gently remind us if our observations might be skewed, etc.
How have others on this forum worked through the steps? I've been meaning to ask this for a while, but haven't got around to it until now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
No I really haven't worked the steps. We had a family therapy with my AF while he was incarcerated for three months. Learned a lot but didn't have any steps or such. That was back in '98. I don't know why we didn't do the steps, I know my Dad did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
Posts: 370
I'm glad your dad did (I believe it's mandatory in most treatment/"drug court" facilities), but I suppose that, when a person is in treatment/incarcerated, the focus is on helping them to solve their problems and face their reality...the family members sometimes will receive "amends" from the person, but the family is kind of left to their own devices as far as how they want to overcome the damage done by the alcoholic/drug addict.
Because of the relative sparsity of ACA meetings in many areas, I assume that it can be difficult to find a sponsor to work the steps with...so I'm wondering if there are people out there who worked the steps by themselves, or with the help of forums like this one, or therapists, etc...?
I know that the 12 steps have done wonders in other areas of my life, and I always worked them with a sponsor...just still wondering how others have gone about it with ACA issues...?
I hope working the 12 steps helped your father, Kialua. I know that my step-dad had to do it in treatment, but he didn't seem to get much out of it.
Because of the relative sparsity of ACA meetings in many areas, I assume that it can be difficult to find a sponsor to work the steps with...so I'm wondering if there are people out there who worked the steps by themselves, or with the help of forums like this one, or therapists, etc...?
I know that the 12 steps have done wonders in other areas of my life, and I always worked them with a sponsor...just still wondering how others have gone about it with ACA issues...?
I hope working the 12 steps helped your father, Kialua. I know that my step-dad had to do it in treatment, but he didn't seem to get much out of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
I've worked the steps in ACoA, and I've also had a couple good therapists. Both were wonderful healing for me. My current sponsor is both AA and al-anon, and that works great for me.
All forms of recovery have some kind of structure to direct healing in an organized and gradual manner. Each form of recovery has it's strengths and weaknesses, and I have found that at different times in my healing I needed different kinds of recovery.
The 12 steps are designed for _peer_ healing. It's for groups of people who are using the shared experience of surviving hardship to support each other in healing. The whole point of the 12 steps is to learn from others, which is why they have meetings and sponsors.
One thing to consider is that Al-Anon and ACoA are very, very close in the way they manage recovery. A lot of Al-Anon meetings focus on ACoA issues, and several of the Al-Anon books are all about recovery from a toxic childhood. Which means that you can use the resources provided by Al-Anon for ACoA recovery. If you visit the forums next door...
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
... you will see a _lot_ of peeps who are both al-anon and ACoA. You can Private Message a few of them, see if any are a good "fit" as a possible phone sponsor and give it a try.
You can shop around Al-Anon meetings and see if any of them spend time on ACoA issues. You can join Al-Anon phone-meetings so you can connect with people in a more direct and interactive manner.
Mix-and-match is perfectly valid as well. Get a therapist who has a background in addiction treatment, work the steps with the therapist, and go to meetings, and join a phone-meeting, or whatever works for you.
There's step discussions that pop up here on SR from time to time, and we even have a forum dedicated just to the steps:
Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
And in addition to all of that you can just start a thread right here on this ACoA forum and title it "Step One". We haven't had one of those in a while, so why not now?
Mike
All forms of recovery have some kind of structure to direct healing in an organized and gradual manner. Each form of recovery has it's strengths and weaknesses, and I have found that at different times in my healing I needed different kinds of recovery.
The 12 steps are designed for _peer_ healing. It's for groups of people who are using the shared experience of surviving hardship to support each other in healing. The whole point of the 12 steps is to learn from others, which is why they have meetings and sponsors.
One thing to consider is that Al-Anon and ACoA are very, very close in the way they manage recovery. A lot of Al-Anon meetings focus on ACoA issues, and several of the Al-Anon books are all about recovery from a toxic childhood. Which means that you can use the resources provided by Al-Anon for ACoA recovery. If you visit the forums next door...
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
... you will see a _lot_ of peeps who are both al-anon and ACoA. You can Private Message a few of them, see if any are a good "fit" as a possible phone sponsor and give it a try.
You can shop around Al-Anon meetings and see if any of them spend time on ACoA issues. You can join Al-Anon phone-meetings so you can connect with people in a more direct and interactive manner.
Mix-and-match is perfectly valid as well. Get a therapist who has a background in addiction treatment, work the steps with the therapist, and go to meetings, and join a phone-meeting, or whatever works for you.
There's step discussions that pop up here on SR from time to time, and we even have a forum dedicated just to the steps:
Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
And in addition to all of that you can just start a thread right here on this ACoA forum and title it "Step One". We haven't had one of those in a while, so why not now?
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Plath 
I'm glad your dad did (I believe it's mandatory in most treatment/"drug court" facilities), but I suppose that, when a person is in treatment/incarcerated, the focus is on helping them to solve their problems and face their reality...the family members sometimes will receive "amends" from the person, but the family is kind of left to their own devices as far as how they want to overcome the damage done by the alcoholic/drug addict.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
>?????????????????
Yes my Dad's treatment was really for him and we had family therapy to understand his role and ours. We, however, didn't get into how to proceed with our own trauma, and my brother greatly suffered because of this. He should proceed on his own but he hasn't. My did write letters to amend like the step required, but I've shared that he still blamed me (?!) for all his troubles. ha. I hope that clears up your question Suffocating?
Yes my Dad's treatment was really for him and we had family therapy to understand his role and ours. We, however, didn't get into how to proceed with our own trauma, and my brother greatly suffered because of this. He should proceed on his own but he hasn't. My did write letters to amend like the step required, but I've shared that he still blamed me (?!) for all his troubles. ha. I hope that clears up your question Suffocating?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
Posts: 370
Thanks, Kialua.
I think that's spot on.
My ex, who is still in recovery, used to try to "make his amends" to me, but would still find a way to somehow justify his behavior or blame me for it. I finally stopped taking his calls/texts because I knew that "making his amends" was only going to lead to an escalated argument.
Yes, when a person goes into drug/alcohol treatment, the treatment is designed to primarily help the addict/alcoholic to deal with their issues.
There are usually designated times when family members are invited to come and share how the alcoholism/addiction has affected them, in the hopes that the addict/alcoholic will become aware of the damage that their alcoholism has caused for their families, and hopefully come to realize the importance of staying clean/sober.
But, as far as treatment for the addicts and alcoholics, it's about their personal process, and the families are left with places like ACA and Al-Anon to sort out the wreckage created by their family members. I'm sorry if that seems confusing.
Sometimes, alcoholics/addicts don't really want to involve their families in their treatment, as they often come from abusive situations themselves, and don't always have husbands, wives, children, etc. to consider.
So I guess our healing is always our own experience, whether alcoholic/addict, ACA, or both...to share with others who understand our experience.
Great idea, Mike. I see this is already in place, and I'm ready to jump on board! My insurance will start in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I can find a therapist who can help me along my journey.
I think that's spot on.
My ex, who is still in recovery, used to try to "make his amends" to me, but would still find a way to somehow justify his behavior or blame me for it. I finally stopped taking his calls/texts because I knew that "making his amends" was only going to lead to an escalated argument.
Yes, when a person goes into drug/alcohol treatment, the treatment is designed to primarily help the addict/alcoholic to deal with their issues.
There are usually designated times when family members are invited to come and share how the alcoholism/addiction has affected them, in the hopes that the addict/alcoholic will become aware of the damage that their alcoholism has caused for their families, and hopefully come to realize the importance of staying clean/sober.
But, as far as treatment for the addicts and alcoholics, it's about their personal process, and the families are left with places like ACA and Al-Anon to sort out the wreckage created by their family members. I'm sorry if that seems confusing.
Sometimes, alcoholics/addicts don't really want to involve their families in their treatment, as they often come from abusive situations themselves, and don't always have husbands, wives, children, etc. to consider.
So I guess our healing is always our own experience, whether alcoholic/addict, ACA, or both...to share with others who understand our experience.
Great idea, Mike. I see this is already in place, and I'm ready to jump on board! My insurance will start in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I can find a therapist who can help me along my journey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Suffocating, I'm sorry no one here is able to be your sponsor. I believe many of the folks on this forum are here because they are either too remote or for some other reason unable to attend meetings. That makes us poor choices to be putting ourselves up as sponsors.
I liked Mike's idea of starting a thread that just reads "Step One". I bet it would help many people.
I have never done any of the programs, and I probably did all my steps out of order, although I'm guessing if I read through the steps, I probably have worked them all in my own unique manner. The step programs never really fit well with me for some reason. But long term (decades) personal therapy has done wonders.
I would offer myself as an online sponsor, however, I have no idea what the steps are or what it means to go through it. Please don't be disheartened by the lack of response. We're all here on the internet for a reason (as opposed to being at a meet). Those reasons may vary from one to the next, but I'm guessing it makes us a poor pool to find a sponsor in.
I liked Mike's idea of starting a thread that just reads "Step One". I bet it would help many people.
I have never done any of the programs, and I probably did all my steps out of order, although I'm guessing if I read through the steps, I probably have worked them all in my own unique manner. The step programs never really fit well with me for some reason. But long term (decades) personal therapy has done wonders.
I would offer myself as an online sponsor, however, I have no idea what the steps are or what it means to go through it. Please don't be disheartened by the lack of response. We're all here on the internet for a reason (as opposed to being at a meet). Those reasons may vary from one to the next, but I'm guessing it makes us a poor pool to find a sponsor in.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
