SushiJoe

Hi,

I've gone to eight meetings for far in a couple of different places near me, covering different topics. I don't have a home group yet or a sponsor. I do have my own copy of the big book though. There has been talk about those just don't drink and go to meetings vs. those who also "work the steps". How do I work the steps? I've read them, but I'm clueless about what I'm actually supposed to do. I tend to be analytical and I think I need more explanation and directions.

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks,

Joe

Sugah

Keep your eyes and ears open and find a sponsor. A sponsor is a guide to walk with you through the steps. It helps to get to the meeting early and stay a little after. I suggest you ask someone who not only talks about the steps inside the meeting but also applies them to life outside the rooms.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Mark75

What Sugah said.

Being an analytical type myself, I can tell you that being analytical is not helpful when it comes to the steps. Just doing them as it is laid out in the book is what works.

There is even one of those annoying little phrases for this.... "Utilize, don't analyze".

SushiJoe

Thanks

TheJungianThing

The Doctor's Opinion. Great reading. Are there any circumstances in your drinking history where you drank more than you intended ? Not so much against your will but more than you intended ?

When I was first married, my wife didn't allow alcohol in the house. I tried to comply. She took issue with MY drinking, but thought I should be able to drink "normally". So it was allowed when we went out with other couples and stuff. She'd monitor my drinking. Six months into marriage I got pulled over and refused a breathlyzer. I told her it was HER fault because she didn't allow alcohol in the house. We tried it her way, now it was my way. I'm a man and I deserve to have some beers in the fridge to crack open, relax and watch hockey after a hard day at work.

So I'd trudge home from the train - lost my license for a year - with a case of beer on Monday. Not expecting to drink it all. Not intending to drink it all. By Tuesday morning she'd be leaving for work remarking about the party I had the night before - by myself - usually the case was gone or close to being gone. I just wanted to catch a buzz and relax watching hockey. But once I drank one, I wasn't just relaxed I was ALIVE, energized, and feeling good. Surely another would make it feel better and even more awesome.

I can trace the phenomena of craving all the way back to my first DRUNK. So look back into your history. Can you identify with the phenomena of craving ?

uncle holmes

I'll simplify the steps to get you started.

Step 1: I can't.

Step 2: Somebody else can.

Step 3: I'll let them help me.

Step 4: Taking inventory.

Step 5: Sharing.

Step 6: The willingness to change.

Step 7: Asking.

Step 8: Identifying those we have harmed.

Step 9: Making amends.

Step 10: Daily review.

Step 11: Growth.

Step 12: Carrying the message.

sugarbear1

Don't sponsor yourself! Get to more meetings and ask for a sponsor to help you. Simple; not easy.

izzah

izzah

sorry it wrong... so deleted

miamifella

You post took me back--I could have written it myself 10 years ago.

Just be aware that not every sponsor will necessarily help you at the start. Some say you have to do the first three steps on your own. (I had a number of sponsors and none of them ever worked on the first three steps.)

I have to be honest and say that I do not know if I ever really figured out what I was supposed to do. But in trying to figure out what to do, I started to find my own path to recovery. It eventually led me away from 12-step programs---however, when I look back, it was my own personal wrestling with the book and the steps in early recovery that gave me a foundation.

I spent a lot of time frustrated and angry that there were no clear directions as to how to do the steps. But now I realize that if there had been clear instructions, I would have been able to go along without thinking--and my recovery would have been without substance or strength.

So do not give up! The frustration you feel now is not permanent--and something wonderful can emerge from the seeming confusion you feel.

Pinkcuda

Hopefully someone will take notice and offer themselves to you. After last week when I heard a newbie say for about the fifth week in a row how he needs to get on his 4th step I decided I had heard enough. I sat down with him tonight and gave him everything he needed including a pencil. I gave him the information as to where to find things in the book regarding step 4 and gave him a list of what to do with this information. That in my mind is what's supposed to be happening. Once a newcomer comes to the group for help he or she should become the responsibility of the group. You would think this would be happening more in AA.
I take this approach because I was left to sit and idle for two years and I hate to see it happen to someone else.

DayTrader

Lots of suggestions on finding a sponsor......and they're good suggestions. I was amazed who much the book and the program came into focus when I worked with someone who had experience with both.

For me, that meant a fair amount of looking around - going to various meetings and searching for the right person to work with. To complicate things, I don't have a driver's license and I live alone so getting to meetings isn't as simple as looking them up in the book and just making up my mind to go. That said........if a guy like me was able to find a sponsor, you'll be able to as well.

I did a lot of asking God for help along the way. MANY prayers that the right person would show up....lots of prayers that I'd recognize them.......and lots of prayers for willingness to continue looking (cuz I know me......I'll quit right before the moment of truth).

Also, make sure you're putting it out there that you're looking for a sponsor. What I mean is mention it in conversations at meetings (before the meeting, during the meeting and after the meeting). Don't keep it to yourself and hope that some sort of miracle will happen without some work on your part. You're going to have to be proactive, ya know?

sugarbear1

My third time through the steps my sponsor showed & explained the sponsor's process. At 8+ months, I am about to guide another woman through the steps.

Boleo

Welcome to our forum SushiJoe;

The first 3 steps really are as simpl as uncle holmes described them. Step four is where you really need a sponsor or mentor to help you interpret the Big Book. Don't worry so much about the quality of your sponsor at first.

You can always work the steps again in the future with another sponsor if you feel it's necessary. Some people go through the steps once a year just for practice. IMO our willingness is more important than the quality of our sponsor. Hint - H.O.W. stands for Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness.

sugarbear1

step 1-tell me why you're at aa
step 2-do you believe the steps will help?
step 3-done when you commit to doing step 4, felt or experienced in 5...

It's simple, not easy!

newby1961

I would suggest reading the pamphlet on Sponsorship you can find them for free in most meetings in the literature rack. I know somewhere on here you can read it to?

I will tell you some of the fears and mistakes I made. First off I had this notion that someone would come up to me like in the old days of AA. That didn't happen for me I had to search one out.

The steps are in order for a reason. I used to jump around a lot before I got a sponsor which that took me awhile. Anyhoo, I will tell you from experience rushing into the steps when you are not ready, like Step 9 Made direct ammends. can do a whole lot of damage.

Finally thinking and going around like I knew something and I was going to help AA out.:rotfxko There is a line in the book that says something like you can't give away something you haven't got.

Don't stress, you are just at the start of your recovery, there is plenty of time this is not a race, slow down and try to just get to meetings and make some connections. Maybe try some men meetings, or some BB, or Step study ones.

And like someone else posted pray for that right person to come into your life. Happy searching

Phmdyw

Welcome, Joe.

Over the years, the original directions on how to recover were watered down by us ourselves. The founders are gone, new books and workbooks came out, we got confused.

Today, AA is changing which is to your benefit as a newcomer. The change is a very important one. Many of us are going back to the original directions which always were, and always will be, in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, in the first part of the book before the stories. It is a textbook really, with directions for the 12 steps.

There are many who won't do that work, the job of this disease is to find any excuse to avoid the very solution to it - but if you have a life you want to heal, please remember what I've said.

If you live in an area where there are Big Book Step meetings, that is by far the best sponsorship and meetings you can find.

Most of us didn't know what to do to recover for years, we stayed sober on fear and self-will, and finally little pockets of these groups started popping up - it is a Gift from God to us alcoholics, whom he loves.

Best of luck on your journey. Stay open-minded and willing and you will go far and find a life you can never imagine exists.

keithj

Boy, there ain't much I disagree with you on, Boleo, but on this one, I disagree a bunch.

I've learned not to underestimate the power of one recovered alcoholic sharing experience with another. We get solid on the foundation (the problem and the solution) of Steps 1-3, and that 4th Step will write itself.

I also am a firm believer in solid sponsorship. It is vitally important, in my experience. A lot of people can do more harm than good in trying to help another alcoholic. Everyone is usually willing to help, but the message can get sideways in a hurry.

Take this thread for instance. Here's a guy that's willing and wants to jump into the work. He just can't find the directions for 'How do I take Step 1?" Dozens of people will come up to him in AA and tell him all sorts of things. Some of it might be good, and some of it might push him away from powerlessness and hopelessness.

Joe, one of the best ways to take Step 1 is to sit down with an alcoholic who has recovered as the result of a spiritual awakening from taking these Steps, and share your experience and his with 1) the physical craving (do I have an 'off' switch when I start drinking) and 2) the mental obsession (can I make the decision to stop drinking and stick to it). The hopelessness of alcoholism will become clear as you work through the Dr.'s Opinion and first 3 Chapters.

Music

Pick a home group and attend regularly. Get a sponsor by listening to people at meetings. You'll eventually make a connection then ask the person. In the meantime start at the front of the Big Book and begin studying. Don't just read like a novel. Study the book like what it says it is. "The basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous". Study, read and re-read.
All your questions will be answered.

Terminally Unique

This is a direct result of the drastic cuts in public funding for astronomically expensive addiction treatment, which I fully support. Whether this trend will continue or not remains to be seen, however. Time will tell, I suppose.