share what its like to grow up with alcoholism?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tucson
Posts: 71
share what its like to grow up with alcoholism?
Ellensburg posted this in another thread:
"My mother was very abusive like your husband is...IT was so STRESSFUL, my sister and I both grew up and I have noticed that we have struggled with our adult relationships. Both of us have ended up craving relationships that were high drama/addictive and abusive. THIS research is proven! Codependency breeds from childhood. AN abusive parent can plant that seed. BELIEVE ME! I wish my dad would have protected us and just left her and taken us with! We would have felt much more loved.
I worry for both of my children simply because they've been exposed to....to just all of this. I don't have any experience of my own here to help me guide them. And I have no idea how much or in what all ways I might have hurt them. They've never been abused by him...but there has been an awful lot of awful stuff. I've talked to my oldest in the past about our life and she said its stressful for her and shes told me specific parts that made her sad. Shes talked of her anger and her love for him. She never says shes angry at me or acts it but I think that would have to in her somewhere too.
Any of you who wouldn't mind sharing about this...I'd sure love to hear what its like to grow up with alcoholism and what its like to help your children who have.
"My mother was very abusive like your husband is...IT was so STRESSFUL, my sister and I both grew up and I have noticed that we have struggled with our adult relationships. Both of us have ended up craving relationships that were high drama/addictive and abusive. THIS research is proven! Codependency breeds from childhood. AN abusive parent can plant that seed. BELIEVE ME! I wish my dad would have protected us and just left her and taken us with! We would have felt much more loved.
I worry for both of my children simply because they've been exposed to....to just all of this. I don't have any experience of my own here to help me guide them. And I have no idea how much or in what all ways I might have hurt them. They've never been abused by him...but there has been an awful lot of awful stuff. I've talked to my oldest in the past about our life and she said its stressful for her and shes told me specific parts that made her sad. Shes talked of her anger and her love for him. She never says shes angry at me or acts it but I think that would have to in her somewhere too.
Any of you who wouldn't mind sharing about this...I'd sure love to hear what its like to grow up with alcoholism and what its like to help your children who have.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Isollae,
We have an entire forum dedicated to folks who are now adults and grew up with one or both parents as alcoholics or drug addicts.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
After reading these threads, and seeing the effect that growing up in an alcoholic home had on my own mother, a few things come to mind for me.
1) It's not possible to hide the drinking from a child. No matter how good you believe your hiding tactics are, they aren't working. A child will typically find a way to blame him or herself for whatever dysfunction happens in the home.
2) It is far, far better for a child to be raised by a single, sober, rational parent than to try to "save the family" and continue exposing the child to the dysfunction of active addiction.
I hope you will take some time to read through the threads in the forum for which I provided the link above.
Best of luck to you and your dear children! HG
We have an entire forum dedicated to folks who are now adults and grew up with one or both parents as alcoholics or drug addicts.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
After reading these threads, and seeing the effect that growing up in an alcoholic home had on my own mother, a few things come to mind for me.
1) It's not possible to hide the drinking from a child. No matter how good you believe your hiding tactics are, they aren't working. A child will typically find a way to blame him or herself for whatever dysfunction happens in the home.
2) It is far, far better for a child to be raised by a single, sober, rational parent than to try to "save the family" and continue exposing the child to the dysfunction of active addiction.
I hope you will take some time to read through the threads in the forum for which I provided the link above.
Best of luck to you and your dear children! HG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
Hi,
My Mom and step-dad were both alcoholics, so was my father.
It wasn't till I was in middle school that I realized that my life wasn't "normal." It was all I ever knew. Not only was there constant fighting (verbal) between my Mom and step-dad but always an underlying tension. I guess the worse is you don't get to do normal things like other kids. No sleep-overs, no after school activities, no holiday traditions (unless you count the tree always ending up in the front yard). No childhood fantasy of toothfairy or santa claus. Once I got my drivers liscense I was gone. I got a job and worked after school or went to friends house till bed time every single day till I moved out. If the fighting was really bad my sister and I would go and sleep in car. I could go on and on. It has left me angry at my mom. She is old and sick now and I could so care less. Of course just because I left home at 18, they never changed. Niether stopped drinking. I read about spouses on this website. The ones who 'reach the bottom.' Well, some never do. I think they drink just enough to stay afloat.
My Mom and step-dad were both alcoholics, so was my father.
It wasn't till I was in middle school that I realized that my life wasn't "normal." It was all I ever knew. Not only was there constant fighting (verbal) between my Mom and step-dad but always an underlying tension. I guess the worse is you don't get to do normal things like other kids. No sleep-overs, no after school activities, no holiday traditions (unless you count the tree always ending up in the front yard). No childhood fantasy of toothfairy or santa claus. Once I got my drivers liscense I was gone. I got a job and worked after school or went to friends house till bed time every single day till I moved out. If the fighting was really bad my sister and I would go and sleep in car. I could go on and on. It has left me angry at my mom. She is old and sick now and I could so care less. Of course just because I left home at 18, they never changed. Niether stopped drinking. I read about spouses on this website. The ones who 'reach the bottom.' Well, some never do. I think they drink just enough to stay afloat.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Living in an environment where the norm is unpredictability and volatility is a horrible environment. Even if that volatility is heroically managed by a relatively sane parent. Sad part is, there are very few sane halves to crazy relationships.
In my case, my first 12 years of life were where I learned emotional detachment (I was detached from my own feelings, and still am). I learned fear of abandonment (probably why I tolerated all kinds of nonsense in my current 35 year marriage with an AH). I never felt comfortable making friends because I couldn't invite them over (At 59, I still let other people initiate friendships and it takes me a LONG time to "be myself" even in casual situations).
Those are just three examples of the damaging effects of growing up in an alcoholic home.
When did I get relief as a child? One time only: when my mother had the courage to kick my father out. She remarried. The very best thing that I got from my new stepdad? A guy who gave me predictability and normalcy. I am so grateful for a dad who woke up and went to work at 9 and came home at 5. Was even tempered. Was a partner with my mom. Simply that. It made all the difference in the world.
In my case, my first 12 years of life were where I learned emotional detachment (I was detached from my own feelings, and still am). I learned fear of abandonment (probably why I tolerated all kinds of nonsense in my current 35 year marriage with an AH). I never felt comfortable making friends because I couldn't invite them over (At 59, I still let other people initiate friendships and it takes me a LONG time to "be myself" even in casual situations).
Those are just three examples of the damaging effects of growing up in an alcoholic home.
When did I get relief as a child? One time only: when my mother had the courage to kick my father out. She remarried. The very best thing that I got from my new stepdad? A guy who gave me predictability and normalcy. I am so grateful for a dad who woke up and went to work at 9 and came home at 5. Was even tempered. Was a partner with my mom. Simply that. It made all the difference in the world.
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