Giving in to cravings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
Giving in to cravings
I am beginning to realize that there are times when I allow my cravings to be non-negotiable, and not in a good way. It's like once I "decide" I'm going to drink, that's just it. It really scares me. I will be going along, feeling good, having a great day/night, and all of a sudden BAM! The thought enters my mind and it's almost like I rush right into it before even giving myself a chance to talk or think myself out of it. Last night I literally begged to God to just give me that extra tad of strength or help to get me through those moments. Of course, there have been times where I have stayed strong, but they are few and far in between. The reason it scares me so bad is because it makes me feel so out of control, even though I know drinking is a choice and it IS in my control. And I see, as clear as day, that drinking ruins everything for me. It takes away all good in my life.
I know this is addiction but I also know that I am strong enough to beat it, like so many of you have. I've gotten through a few hard days without drinking, but honestly, for the most part, once the going gets rough- something doesn't go my way, or I feel anxious, irritable, or depressed- I give in, and quickly. My mind plays terrible tricks on me and I hate it. It makes me feel so weak, like why can't I do this like so many of you have??
I want to do this, probably more than anything else in the world, right now and I know I must do it differently. Please share what you have done to get you through those times. Everyone says it does get easier, with more sober time under your belt, I just haven't gotten there yet, so I need to find ways to overcome my own twisted thinking.
I know this is addiction but I also know that I am strong enough to beat it, like so many of you have. I've gotten through a few hard days without drinking, but honestly, for the most part, once the going gets rough- something doesn't go my way, or I feel anxious, irritable, or depressed- I give in, and quickly. My mind plays terrible tricks on me and I hate it. It makes me feel so weak, like why can't I do this like so many of you have??
I want to do this, probably more than anything else in the world, right now and I know I must do it differently. Please share what you have done to get you through those times. Everyone says it does get easier, with more sober time under your belt, I just haven't gotten there yet, so I need to find ways to overcome my own twisted thinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
This technique, or something like it, helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Playing the tape through to the end - forcing myself to think past the 'warm glow' of drinking memories and acknowledging where my drinking will really take me - helped too...
but you need to do these things as a regular practice/exercise - they're hard to do 'on the fly'.
I think it comes down to acceptance tho - I found once I accepted drinking was bad for me, and was always bad for me - it was very hard to keep seeing drinking as a viable option, no matter what the provocation.
The bottom line is I no longer believe there's 'nothing' I can do in those circumstances.
There's an enormous amount of stuff we all can do - we just have to be prepared to do it
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Playing the tape through to the end - forcing myself to think past the 'warm glow' of drinking memories and acknowledging where my drinking will really take me - helped too...
but you need to do these things as a regular practice/exercise - they're hard to do 'on the fly'.
I think it comes down to acceptance tho - I found once I accepted drinking was bad for me, and was always bad for me - it was very hard to keep seeing drinking as a viable option, no matter what the provocation.
The bottom line is I no longer believe there's 'nothing' I can do in those circumstances.
There's an enormous amount of stuff we all can do - we just have to be prepared to do it
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
Dee74 - it's funny that you say that because just the other day, I said- out loud- to myself-drinking is poison to me and I really believed that. I try to prepare, I try to think ahead but I guess I just need to do more of it. Sometimes it works, and the craving passes. But other times, forget it. I will read about urge surfing. And tonight, when it hits (and it will hit, after work, no doubt about it) I'm going to play that tape to the end and remind myself how nothing good comes from drinking and I am not able to stop once I start. Thank you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by timetochange 
It's like once I "decide" I'm going to drink, that's just it.
Everyone says it does get easier, with more sober time under your belt, I just haven't gotten there yet, so I need to find ways to overcome my own twisted thinking.
Everyone says it does get easier, with more sober time under your belt, I just haven't gotten there yet, so I need to find ways to overcome my own twisted thinking.
It wasn't that simple for me. My decisions to not drink were next to useless. Like you, I was anxious, bored, and irritable. The only thing my brain could come up with to take that feeling away was to have a few drinks. Problem was, I'm an alcoholic, and I didn't have just a few drinks.
Not everyone says it gets easier. In fact, every day away from a drink was like an invisible spring tightening for me. Without booze, my solution to my problems was gone, and it was just a matter of time before that crazy thought of having a drink would come into my head with such force that it made sense to pick up a drink. I needed a vast rearrangement in my perception of life. If you're finding, like I did, that after 5 years of trying to 'decide' to not drink, you're still drinking, then you can probably identify with the people who recovered in AA.
Pretty simple. If you seem to lack the power to stop drinking like those in AA, then maybe that AA solution can work for you as well. It did for me. I've never seen it fail for anyone that works the program as directed in the BB. Whether or not to do that is something you absolutely do have the power to decide.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think when you learn to recognize the addict-voice for what it is, it changes thing. You can listen to the voice, recognize it for what it is, and let it go. The voice is not you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by timetochange
I am beginning to realize that there are times when I allow my cravings to be non-negotiable, and not in a good way. It's like once I "decide" I'm going to drink, that's just it. It really scares me. I will be going along, feeling good, having a great day/night, and all of a sudden BAM! The thought enters my mind and it's almost like I rush right into it before even giving myself a chance to talk or think myself out of it.
Sometimes I think when that urge pops up, if I had someone to grab my wrist or hit me over the head with a two-by-four, I would come to my senses and NOT drink without too much of a mental struggle. But just as you said, it's like once the idea is there, it doesn't even occur to me to fight it. And yes, it is scary.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 39
Same exact here. I had to get on Meds. I still get that "im drinking tonight f the world" thinking but when I had my slip n got the whisky after 2 sips I felt sick. That's what the medicine does, makes the alcohol like poison. I did AA, I did everything for 2 years to try to quit but I loved alcohol, the only way for me personally was through medical assistance. Good luck to you and maybe talk to your doc there are sooooooooo many great medicines they have used to successfully aid in quitting. Remember this is a sickness, or disease and should be treated as such.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
A few thoughts:
My worst time (during the week) is right after work until about 8:00. On the weekends it the cravings start ridiculously early. Tonight wasn't one of those nights were I didn't give myself a chance to fight the craving, tonight I just basically kept busy and got through it. But I found myself thinking the most illogical things: I want SO badly to feel all the terrific effects of not drinking, yet at the same time, I want to drink. It's like I want the best of both worlds and it's so senseless. My 10 year old had a bit of a meltdown this afternoon, full of "I hate yous" and defiance (she is typically not like this, it was just a bad day). Had I been drinking I would have blown it out of proportion and made it worse, not handled it like mature mother. Being sober, I was able to stay calm, let her scream it out in her room. Once she was quiet, I went in her room and she was folding her clothes and she looked up at me and told me how sorry she was. We talked it out and she is happy as can be. I felt so proud of myself. How could I be so stupid in the past to drink to the point where it must have affected the way I mothered my children? It breaks my heart. The worst part, the part I don't get, is how could I even CONSIDER ever drinking again knowing how it may or it has affected my children? They are my LIFE, how have I allowed alcohol to become so much a part of my life that I still want it even when I know it's not good for the most precious people in the world to me? It's baffling and it makes me angry, at alcohol, but mostly at myself.
I have read many people make the analogy of giving up drinking to ending a relationship. As I think about it, alcohol was always just there for me, when I was lonely, confused, or when I just didn't know what else to do. It definately has/had a "place" in my life. When I was younger, I was a social drinker, but now I drink mostly alone, which sounds so sad. Actually, I have an easier time abstaining in public than I do at home.
I do find that I avoid coming on here at any cost either when I'm drinking or when I'm not really fully committed to not drinking.
I realize completely that I am unable to just drink a few glasses of wine, or a few beers. Once a get one or a few in me, forget it, there is no stopping me. So many times I say, well I have 1/4 of a bottle left, so I'll just drink that and be done so its out of the house. But guess what happens? Once its gone, I'm on my way to get more.
The peace, calmness, focus, and genuine balance I feel when I am not drinking is ..well, I think it's just what life is all about, what its meant to be. So how can I talk myself into poisoning myself with something that does NOTHING but take away all those good feelings?
I'm sorry this is long. I just need to get it out. I have a journal too but sometimes just knowing that other people will read it, understand it, relate to it, provide guidance and insight, or maybe even find it helpful in some way, makes it so much more meaningful.
I really, really want to be done with drinking, like I have never wanted it before. I see how good things can be and I want it. I need to fight for it like I've never fought for anything else in my life.
My worst time (during the week) is right after work until about 8:00. On the weekends it the cravings start ridiculously early. Tonight wasn't one of those nights were I didn't give myself a chance to fight the craving, tonight I just basically kept busy and got through it. But I found myself thinking the most illogical things: I want SO badly to feel all the terrific effects of not drinking, yet at the same time, I want to drink. It's like I want the best of both worlds and it's so senseless. My 10 year old had a bit of a meltdown this afternoon, full of "I hate yous" and defiance (she is typically not like this, it was just a bad day). Had I been drinking I would have blown it out of proportion and made it worse, not handled it like mature mother. Being sober, I was able to stay calm, let her scream it out in her room. Once she was quiet, I went in her room and she was folding her clothes and she looked up at me and told me how sorry she was. We talked it out and she is happy as can be. I felt so proud of myself. How could I be so stupid in the past to drink to the point where it must have affected the way I mothered my children? It breaks my heart. The worst part, the part I don't get, is how could I even CONSIDER ever drinking again knowing how it may or it has affected my children? They are my LIFE, how have I allowed alcohol to become so much a part of my life that I still want it even when I know it's not good for the most precious people in the world to me? It's baffling and it makes me angry, at alcohol, but mostly at myself.
I have read many people make the analogy of giving up drinking to ending a relationship. As I think about it, alcohol was always just there for me, when I was lonely, confused, or when I just didn't know what else to do. It definately has/had a "place" in my life. When I was younger, I was a social drinker, but now I drink mostly alone, which sounds so sad. Actually, I have an easier time abstaining in public than I do at home.
I do find that I avoid coming on here at any cost either when I'm drinking or when I'm not really fully committed to not drinking.
I realize completely that I am unable to just drink a few glasses of wine, or a few beers. Once a get one or a few in me, forget it, there is no stopping me. So many times I say, well I have 1/4 of a bottle left, so I'll just drink that and be done so its out of the house. But guess what happens? Once its gone, I'm on my way to get more.
The peace, calmness, focus, and genuine balance I feel when I am not drinking is ..well, I think it's just what life is all about, what its meant to be. So how can I talk myself into poisoning myself with something that does NOTHING but take away all those good feelings?
I'm sorry this is long. I just need to get it out. I have a journal too but sometimes just knowing that other people will read it, understand it, relate to it, provide guidance and insight, or maybe even find it helpful in some way, makes it so much more meaningful.
I really, really want to be done with drinking, like I have never wanted it before. I see how good things can be and I want it. I need to fight for it like I've never fought for anything else in my life.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
TTC, that last post of yours gives me a good feeling about your success. Everything you wrote there could have been from me, all of it. You have the main thing going on in your favor, and that is that iron clad resolve to do this best thing for yourself.
Make that plan to not drink, that commitment, and then find out everything you can about kicking. Keep doing it, and it will indeed get easier.
Make that plan to not drink, that commitment, and then find out everything you can about kicking. Keep doing it, and it will indeed get easier.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
I have been the same way. Going to the liquor store or the dope dealer, and not even trying to talk myself out of it.
Like others have mentioned, I play that tape all the way through. I can actually conjure up those same feelings I would have after a night of drinking or drugging. It's a pretty powerful motivator.
AA has worked for me, when I do the program. If I don't work it, well I'm toast if I don't.
I come so close to losing everything, I don't want to go there again.
Best wishes.
God bless.
Like others have mentioned, I play that tape all the way through. I can actually conjure up those same feelings I would have after a night of drinking or drugging. It's a pretty powerful motivator.
AA has worked for me, when I do the program. If I don't work it, well I'm toast if I don't.
I come so close to losing everything, I don't want to go there again.
Best wishes.
God bless.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
TTC you asked how we got through it and you got some great answers taken from a perspective that you already have detoxed and got to the maintenance stage of sobriety.
In reading your posts it appears that you haven't made it past a day or two and as soon as the detox pain starts you cave in. If that was your question, how did we get through detox I probably was different than many in that I arranged for an in patient medical detox. I went in the hospital strictly voluntarily and covered by one of my eligibilities, (VA as a vet) for 7 days of safe detox to give me a head start. Why? Because I could not quit for one morning in several years before I finally decided I had had enough. I caved before I stopped! In that we are very much alike.
If you haven't gotten a week yet that may be the answer you need.
In reading your posts it appears that you haven't made it past a day or two and as soon as the detox pain starts you cave in. If that was your question, how did we get through detox I probably was different than many in that I arranged for an in patient medical detox. I went in the hospital strictly voluntarily and covered by one of my eligibilities, (VA as a vet) for 7 days of safe detox to give me a head start. Why? Because I could not quit for one morning in several years before I finally decided I had had enough. I caved before I stopped! In that we are very much alike.
If you haven't gotten a week yet that may be the answer you need.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I felt a lot like a robot when I was drinking, too. In a way, I had to become as obsessed with getting sober as I had been with drinking. When I was on SR I felt supported and hopeful, so I came here off and on all day to keep myself motivated. Sometimes the motivation would "wear off" after a few hours, so I came back and read some more.
I had to put everything second to being sober, including my emotions. I figured if I went crazy, well, I could get help for that. I didn't have to drink. I could eat, watch TV, read SR all day, put off housework for as long as I needed to - anything to keep the stress level and cravings at a minimum.
I still got those "BAM" urges - (like someone suddenly hitting me with a 2x4) but they got less powerful as time went on. The strength to get through them comes as a result of getting through them...... in other words, by staying sober for the first time in spite of how much we want to drink, we learn a little and become a little more confident. And it builds from there.
My experience only, of course...... Thanks for the thread!
I had to put everything second to being sober, including my emotions. I figured if I went crazy, well, I could get help for that. I didn't have to drink. I could eat, watch TV, read SR all day, put off housework for as long as I needed to - anything to keep the stress level and cravings at a minimum.
I still got those "BAM" urges - (like someone suddenly hitting me with a 2x4) but they got less powerful as time went on. The strength to get through them comes as a result of getting through them...... in other words, by staying sober for the first time in spite of how much we want to drink, we learn a little and become a little more confident. And it builds from there.
My experience only, of course...... Thanks for the thread!
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hi, TTC! I too struggle with that stubborn, defiant addict self. Personally, I am quite scared of going back home tomorrow (on vacation now). When i'm bored, i'm finding myself planning my next vodka run for when I get home. I find that my biggest triggers are boredom. I'm bored because I work very little and my low self esteem makes it very hard for me to go out, volunteer and make new friends up north. It's hard. It sucks. It scares me. Still, this vacation has really taught me that I act and even look better when i'm sober. I can't tell you how many people have told me how good I look within the first minute or so of reuniting with them! It was almost weird. When your mind races and the craving monster starts digging in, try doing something simple like coloring. I find that mindless but focused activity gives my brain the breather it so desperately needs and has found through alcohol in the past. If you're feeling blue and start craving, pop a nice piece of chocolate in your mouth. Savor it, experience it, let it melt a bit in your mouth. It actually releases endorphins and if you take your time with it you won't overindulge.
Congrats on handling a stressful situation so well! Remember to celebrate every victory. In this battle, there are no small victories.
Congrats on handling a stressful situation so well! Remember to celebrate every victory. In this battle, there are no small victories.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
It is reassuring that so many of you have such similar struggles, sometimes I think I'm just crazy for my illogical "wants" but I am beginning to see that it is just plain addiction.
I have made a few very solid (yet not successful, obviously) at not drinking over the past 5 months, lasting 2 weeks a few times, a few other times a bit less. Each time I learn something new, and try something different the next time. I hate the failure and disappointment in myself, but beating myself up over it wont' help.
Interestingly, despite how much I drink, I usually feel great physically within a day, and even less if I start abstaining on a day when I'm not hungover. I am grateful for that, but not sure how to explain it. I am sure that my body is still detoxing, but somehow I dont' feel those awful effects - yet - that I have read about. Mentally, it's a different story, of course, my emotions are usually all over the place.
Today, I am waking up after a solid restful sleep an hour before I even need to! I am grateful for SR, for another chance at making a better life for myself, and determined to do all I can do to get myself there.
Any day not drinking is better than a day of drinking, no matter what!
I have made a few very solid (yet not successful, obviously) at not drinking over the past 5 months, lasting 2 weeks a few times, a few other times a bit less. Each time I learn something new, and try something different the next time. I hate the failure and disappointment in myself, but beating myself up over it wont' help.
Interestingly, despite how much I drink, I usually feel great physically within a day, and even less if I start abstaining on a day when I'm not hungover. I am grateful for that, but not sure how to explain it. I am sure that my body is still detoxing, but somehow I dont' feel those awful effects - yet - that I have read about. Mentally, it's a different story, of course, my emotions are usually all over the place.
Today, I am waking up after a solid restful sleep an hour before I even need to! I am grateful for SR, for another chance at making a better life for myself, and determined to do all I can do to get myself there.
Any day not drinking is better than a day of drinking, no matter what!
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