micealc

This has been one of my Most Fearful Feelings all my life.
I dont think this can be thought or learned by a child.
It has to be seen working or coped with ,in order to be understood .
The most parent a Boy needs to see this delt with is>his dad.
I never seen my dad Failing at anything.......not as a Child anyway.
I recon he delt with rejection or Failure by Drinking on it,but I did not know that.
I could never Deal with this Feeling Properly..as it would Turn into Resentment, Internal Rage, or a Sulk,All internal.
The Most Rejection I could not stand was that Of a woman.
I can still turn Mean if im confrunted with any kind of Criticisn or Rejection.......How dare She,Who does she think she is,....and So on.
I can not let this continue.......
The only reason Im looking at this is it Has Come up in my Life so often lately that I think I need to Use the 3 As on it....Awareness,Acceptance,and Action.

Willybluedog

I know where you are coming from, every criticism is personal, every slight an excuse to do battle, to get in the last word, to slice with a cutting remark, to put the offender in their proper place.

Only through treatment for depression (therapy and anti-depressants) have I been saved from myself.

Hope you work thorugh this, I will be pulling for your success.

Bill

dbh

Hello Miceal!

I'm still learning how to process my feelings too. As I have shared before, when growing up the only emotion that was "allowed" was happy. When we were sad we were told to "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." When I was mad I was told to "Go to your room and don't come out until you have a smile on your face". I never dared get angry at either of my parents. Too scared of the outcome of that!

This truly has stunned me as an adult. For me, I either try to repress my emotions through eating or zoning out on the computer/TV or I sulk. Boy, am I a great sulkier!

My husband and I had a bit of a tiff on Monday. In hindsight it was over something silly, but I think we were both tired from the holidays and maybe we were both too sensitive. Anyway, I felt like he was being judgmental, critical, and behaving in an uncaring way. I got so angry I could barely speak. And that's what I ended up doing ... barely speaking to him for over a day (we worked things out this morning). Crazy stuff was going on in my head while I was mad: "He doesn't love/appreciate me!", "He's trying to control me!", and "We're going to get a divorce!"

Today everything is fine.

Yesterday, I was telling myself that I was actually happy that I was letting myself feel an emotion. Now I have to learn what to do with these feelings. Maybe sometimes all I need to do is acknowledge that they are there?

Thank you for sharing and for letting me share.

db

Kialua

So much to think about. Thanks

siblingofaddict

Really great shares here - I identify with everyone. It was a sad day when I realized I feel more comfortable with negative emotions than positive ones - after faking happy and playing normal for so long - the anger, depression, sadness, self-loathing and other negative feelings are the only real emotions I can come up with. Being happy or content feels like a trick and I'm waiting for the punchline.

Funny thing is, now that I'm learning to identify what I'm feeling, things like anger, which I used to repress because I wasn't "allowed" it, tell me when my boundaries are being violated. Now I just need to learn to let myself feel happy when I am...

How does one do that? I believe dbh had the same question...

GingerM

My own experience was that the mechanism that I used to suppress the anger because we weren't allowed to be angry was the same mechanism that was used to suppress pretty much every emotion.

My therapist calls it a lead blanket. But once you lift a corner of the blanket, it starts to get lighter, and along with the negative emotions, positive ones start creeping out too.

Perhaps you're not feeling happy because you aren't actually happy yet. But learning to feel *anything at all* will allow other emotions to surface, some positive, some maybe not so enjoyable. But being a feeling human being is better than being a non-feeling human being.

I found myself being peacefully happy (as opposed to manic) only after I had learned to start identifying not only anger, but the causes of anger. Not only depression, but what was under the depression. And then I learned to challenge the old tapes in my head, to tell them they were not me and were not allowed to control my actions, thoughts or feelings anymore.

If you allow yourself to feel, and you don't negative self talk the feelings you're experiencing, one day you'll surprise yourself - you'll find that you're happy and you never even saw it coming.

dbh

Thank you Ginger!

Never thought about having both good and bad feelings come to the surface. This makes sense though. There is still a part of me that expects recovery to mean being "happy" all the time. Life isn't like that though. Recovery means that I'm more equiped to handle the bad times.

Now that's something I can work towards :-)

db

micealc

Thanks very much Guys.......I am a bunch of Feelings at any one time.
I call it one Big Pain.......and I dont like it.
To seperate the Feelings or let one of them pop out something has to happen.
Thing is I dont want Anything to Happen.....because Im afraid that I wont be able to deal with it.
I know this is the Reason my head keep things moving.....Internal One Man Show,but really I cant prevent lifes changes.....The good things or the Bad things.
I was Caught in Circumstances last night that I dont like.....Each of them was an Uncertainty...One of them I'll mention........I was at a Concert with my Wife.....My Son Bought the Tickets.....Ended up on a balcony......Looking Down at the Stage and the People on the Ground Floor....Im .......still fear ful of Heights.... I used to be Terrified, but I've worked of Practicing going up Escalatores,Lifts,High buildings.
But been Stuck in one Place High up For 2 hours is a Different Story......I Did it.
Now For Me This was not a Nice Feeling.....Tense,fearful......what if I ju..p...ed.....Stop.
I Stuck it out.....but I was not Comfortible.
I know for a Fact the HP.......was trying to help.....but I dont Trust anyone......Especially Something or someone I cant see.
Making Progress one Do at a Time.
Shalom.......Slán

CRandall

I fear rejection more than I fear anything, because my biggest problem is fear of abandonment. I convince myself not to do things unless I have a guarantee that it will turn out ok. I am completely terrified of men rejecting me. That is why I have never ended a relationship - they have always ended it with me. This only fulfills my own prophecy that I am going to be rejected.

I'm going on a date tonight and I am dreading it. Because I don't want to go down that road of liking someone only to have them reject me when the relationship gets too serious. That's what happened with the last man I fell in love with, and before that the man I loved cheated on me, and before that...etc..etc...you get the idea.

I know I am like this because I've been abandoned by those who should have loved me the most. My dad through alcoholism, and my birthparents who gave me up for adoption.

I don't know what else to say to the original poster, other than I understand what you are feeling.