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scared I won't make it 7 days

Old 12-22-2011, 11:13 AM
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scared I won't make it 7 days

I'm 33 years old, and I've tried this many times. I don't think I've ever made it 7 days sober. I just recently decided again that I really need to stop. I really want to be sober. I don't want this life anymore. But the scary part was this. The morning I made it up in my mind and told myself I was done for good - I also knew that no matter what I say, and no matter how well I do for the next few days, before i get to 7 days I will have failed. And every time I have tried to stop in the past, bad things happen. I may go 5 days and feel great! Then I decide I deserve to have a beer. When that happens, I wind up drinking harder and doing more damage than I would have if I had not stopped at all. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but for me, anytime I force myself to stop for 3 - 5 days, I wind up hitting the bottle 10 times harder than I was a week or 2 before. So its a really F'in scary situation right now. I know I have to stop the way I live or I will die (if I'm lucky). I also know that there is a real good chance I will fail. And if I do fail, I could get hurt badly. There seemed to be only 2 options left. Keep drinking every day and live like a miserable functioning alcoholic until my life is ruined and I die. Or quit and make it work this time. Its been almost a week now. The hangover is gone, but the cravings are coming back strong. I've failed at this before, but not this time. I'm scared, but I'm going to do this. Wish me luck.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:30 AM
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scary stuff. How about this. Just quit for good. No more. Accept that you have a problem with alcohol.
If you were suddenly allergic to peanuts but you just LOVED them would you continue to eat them?
No, don't think so.
So make today day 1. No more. Not a single drop of alcohol.
You can do it!!! Don't go into this thinking you won't be able to! Go into this thinking YOU CAN DO IT.
Come here whenever you have the urge to drink, go to the chat room. People are so friendly here, find the support you need here to help you combat those urges until the urge passes.
I remind myself non stop. One day at a time. I no longer look to the future as much. I live for today and remind myself I need to only concentrate on getting past today. I do that and I'm good.
YOU CAN DO IT!!! :ghug3
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:41 AM
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Thanks munchkin05. That's my plan. Just hope I can do it. I know in the past that once the hangover is gone, it's easy to fall back into it. But this time, I'm more motivated than I ever have been. It's going to be really tough though. Christmas, New Year's - and everything in my life is revolving around drinking. Today something really good happened though. I didn't just wake up without a hangover, which is awesome on its own. I woke up with a smile on my face. Felt weird and it felt good. I REALLY want to drink tonight, but I'm not going to let it happen.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:57 AM
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Don't drink tonight scary. Instead come here and chat. Be with people who know what it's like.
That's great waking up like that. Imagine waking up like that more often than waking up with a hangover. It would be nice wouldn't it?
I know it's tough during the holidays. Heck for the first time ever my hubby and I purchased sparkling grape juice to drink with our Christmas goose. Its tough to get used to the idea that I cannot have any of the expensive wines we have or even go out and purchase one to go with dinner but I know where it will lead and I've already been down that road. I don't want to go back.
If you like sparkling mineral water maybe order one of those or even just a soda. If people ask just say that you're stomach is bothering you or you don't feel like drinking tonight or just don't go. I know that is tough.
Hang in there!
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:59 AM
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You don't have to not drink for 7 days, you have to just not drink today. Make that pledge to yourself each morning and you will be fine.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:03 PM
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Hope you are able to force yourself to stand not to drink beyond your customary number of sober days. That was about the best I could do too at the end. There's only so much reality a guy can take in one stretch without a break, right?

Good luck to you in your efforts.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:05 PM
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If I can make it 7 days (today!) then you can too! We've all been there, I didn't think I'd make it either. The key this time? I want to stop, for me. I don't care what other people think of sober me, because I like that person.. Just take one day at a time.. baby steps first.. It's like being born all over again.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:07 PM
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I have to thank you again for your support here. This is all a first for me. I've been struggling with this for over 10 years. There were a couple times in my life that I went to AA meetings, and they did help, but I still didn't make it. This is the first time I ever thought about posting on a website like this, and I'm surprised I haven't done it sooner. I have no one to talk to. Its hard to explain why, but I really have been alone on this. It really does just scare the crap out of me. Thank you for help right now. You don't know how much it means.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:12 PM
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SoCalDude "The key this time? I want to stop, for me. I don't care what other people think of sober me, because I like that person."

I have to say, this is exactly how I feel and what I have been telling myself every day this week. It's also why I think this time I can do it. I always knew that I had a problem in the past, but I don't think I ever really truly decided that enough was enough. Now I really feel like I not only need to stop, but I really want to. Getting past this first week is going to be tough, but this time I'm going to do it. I'm at 4 days sober right now, which is already a huge deal for me. I just can't wait to make it past 7 days. If I can just get through today, then I can handle tomorrow. If I hit 7 days, oh boy. That would make me proud.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:19 PM
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Hi scarystuff

I was an all day everyday drinker....there was a time I couldn't make 3 days sober in a row...now I'm looking at 5 years.

We can change

It's not particularly easy at times, especially in the beginning, but there *is* a third choice - it is possible to decide enough is enough, it is possible to commit to recovery .

It was the best decision of my life

I found support was vital - this place really helped me - it was such a relief to realise I wasn't alone, so good to be with people who understood.

If those thoughts of deserving a beer come again, you'll find a lot of support here.

You can get through those feelings, and you can find the life you really deserve scarystuff - you can do this

D
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:20 PM
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I have been beating myself up about this. a lot. But it really is hard because I feel like I know right from wrong, and I still have done so much wrong. Even though others think I'm a good person - I have just felt like a weak, bad person. I don't like who I am anymore. That hurts. I've just got to fix it. I want to be proud of who I am again.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:25 PM
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scary.....I read your post several times. First welcome to SR! I joined last month and there is a great deal of support here. Read as many of the posts as possible. You will see yourself in many of the posts.

Second..congratulations on almost a week! Hang in there one day at time.

You certainly are motivated in your post to stop drinking. What steps can you take?
Have you met with your doctor? When I was serious it was one of the first things I did. It helped just to talk about it with someone.

You tried AA in the past. Why not start again? That may help with the issue of discussing your problem with someone else who can be a support! You are not alone. Reach out for help.

Pick up exercing more to keep you mind occupied. NEVER think you are doing well and deserve a drink. You have made that mistake before. DO NOT REPEAT. It is your mind trying to be crafty..trying to convince you to give it alcohol.

Post here to give updates on your progress. SR is a resource which I would strongly encourage you to use as part of your recovery. Remember many of us are in the same boat as you.

You can do it! Look forward to reading your update tomorrow. DO NOT DRINK TONIGHT!

Jim
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:41 PM
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AA did work when I was a the right meeting. But even when the meeting was good, I was to scared to speak up. Many meetings I just didn't feel like I fit in. For some reason, I always felt like you had to hit a real rock bottom before you go to AA. I don't know what that rock bottom is for me, but anytime I think about what it could be for me, well it's just a scary thought. In any case, I found it hard to find meetings that I was comfortable in that were easy to get to. When I went to the meetings closer to where I lived, I just didn't feel like I belonged in the group. Now that I found this site, it just seems so much easier to speak up and not be afraid. For so long I have tried to deal with this alone, and now I finally found this and I can't believe the kind of support I've gotten.
I haven't met with my doctor yet. Maybe I will, but I'm not sure.
I have just started going back to the gym, and that has definitely helped. Once I put myself into a healthy routine in life, it makes it much easier. Working out definitely helps. The only caveat there is that in the past, I always felt like BEER was a great post work out treat. So, I'm also breaking that habit.
Aside from the gym, I finally talked to my family about it. My father is in AA - and as much as you would think he is the best person, its almost as if he is too close. He see's me and he just doesn't see an alcoholic. He has definitely helped me at times, but he's also been the person to actually encourage me to have a beer because he just doesn't look at me and see the problem. He doesn't know how I know. My father looks at me like I'm the good son. So it's difficult to try and explain it to him. He's also in his 70's now and in poor health. I never want to burden him.
But I have talked to him, and I have talked to both my brothers (who are also my best friends as well as heavy drinkers) and I told them -this is it. Enough is enough. I don't know if my will power will last, but I am just not interested in drinking anymore. It is weird for them to hear, but I think if they know how serious I am, then will support me as well. And maybe I can help them do the same one day too.
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:49 PM
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Scary...I can relate. My dad still drinks, although he is not an alcoholic. He is in 80's. I cannot discuss this with him. Similar to you, he sees me as the 'good' son, and I am not comfortable explaining this to him.

Please consider your doctor as a resource.

On the exercising part, good that you are doing that. For me I just got back into playing hockey. Part of the ritual is to drink beer after the game in the dressing room. I can say it was not easy to give that up. None of this is easy, but like you I know enough is enough.

I am truly glad that you find SR useful. Please keep posting.

Jim
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by scarystuff View Post
soberjim
AA did work when I was a the right meeting. But even when the meeting was good, I was to scared to speak up

I totally relate, it's the disease that wants us to "feel" different...I learned that I am just a garden variety drunk, no better than or worse than anyone else. I have been around aa for many years, and finally (after some awful "yets" came true for me) now feel that I belong there. I have to be willing to reach out and ask for help. That has made all the difference. Also i have been told that it is OK and "normal" to feel uncomfortable with sharing. I was also told that if I was called on I can state my name, and that I am grateful to be sober today, and I'd like to listen is OK too!
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Old 12-22-2011, 12:58 PM
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I think part of the problem is that when you wake up with a hangover, you have that terrible fear, panic, guilt, depression - it's a feeling so awful that you honestly want to die. And again, that scares the crap out of me. Because I have been suicidal from it before. Don't get me wrong - I'm not right now. I'm still depressed at times, but I'm getting past that and starting to feel better. But this is right about that time when the hangover goes away, and now I forget the pain, fear, guilt and depression. And then it all starts over again. If the AA meeting wasn't convenient and easy to get to, and I didn't have anyone else to call on - it became very easy to convince myself it was okay to drink. Everyone who isn't an alcoholic always has this terrific advice, stuff like "its okay to drink, just be moderate and know when to stop". Honestly, someone said that to me last week and I wanted to scream at them - "I'M 33 YEARS OLD AND IF I COULD DO THAT I WOULD"
In this past, today is the day I would have started drinking again. Not today. That's in my past. I've had enough.
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Old 12-22-2011, 01:03 PM
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I'm very new on this site, but I really want to thank everyone for their support. I truly appreciate it.
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Old 12-22-2011, 01:18 PM
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Scary.. Another reason.. Depression.. To check with your doctor.
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Old 12-22-2011, 01:21 PM
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Good point soberjim, can't argue with that.
I actually had pneumonia back in October and I'm supposed to go back for a follow up chest x-ray. So I might as well just do it and talk to him.
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Old 12-22-2011, 03:13 PM
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hi scary.
ive been where you are.
let me tell you something...this disease wants you DEAD it is very patient. very cunning .and very very powerful...it is your worst nightmare just waiting for you to slip.
it will whisper ,cajole and manipulate you in every way it can,
you wont even know it is talking to you sometimes,,just a vauge thought or craving that will turn into an uncontrollable urge to pick up.
and when it has you where it wants you , helpless , it will turn the screws on your life.
and no person. place. or thing on earth is powerfull enough to set you free...
this IS a TRUTH that hundredes of millions can attest to......you will put yourself beyond human aid....
the only power that can and will set you free is GOD..
may you find him now..
this disease is very real.
do not underestimate it and think that because you have a few days every thing will be ok........IT WILL NOT...
you are in the fight of your life just like the rest of us.
i wish you well and a sober christmas....christmas the birth of he who will never leave us .
all we have to do is ask for his help
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